Happy 238th America.

Happy Birthday America.

Every year when this day comes, I think about all the things about the American Revolution that I have learned in my 33 years and how muh courage, strength of conviction and big ole harry cajones each and every one of the Colonists who decided to fight against their British colonizers must have had (I know women fought too...but cajones doesnt actually refer to body parts, its a state of mind).  I often wonder what those men and women would think of the country today (with the technology advances and population boom notwithstanding).  Would they be amazed that what they started has stood up for 238 years and counting and that they are looked upon as being some of the greatest leaders the world has ever known?  Or would they be appalled that we have not taken it upon ourselves to use their ideas as a basis to form something better and that we have not "refreshed the tree of liberty?"  Thomas Jefferson wrote, "What country ever existed a century and a half without a rebellion? And what country can preserve it's liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to facts, pardon and pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is it's natural manure."  I dont think that means that we should start a revolution or anything because Jefferson was living in a very different time and a very different historical place.  The late 1700s is not somewhere that I would particularly care to visit if I had the choice. But it does inform my opinion about whether the Founding Fathers would be proud that their ideas had held up or incensed that we had allowed their work to stagnate.  You can probably tell which side of the answer I usually come to. 

Most people celebrate the 4th by going to a carnival or watching fireworks and drinking/grilling/beaching.  This tradition goes all the back to the very 1st Independance Day celebration in 1777 in Philadelphia (the nacient country's first Capitol) where they blew off rudimentary fireworks in an attempt to raise the morale of the people as the Revolutionary War raged on.  The event was such a success that it quickly caught on in other cities.  John Adams, future second President of the US (not to be confused with his son, John Quincy Adams, who would be the 6th President) wrote, "I am apt to believe that [July 4] will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival.  It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more."  Boy was he ever right.  I tend to shy away from those traditional celebrations in favor of lesser crazed ones like sitting in the backyard with my family and watching baseball on the tele.  Today I am going to pre-game (slightly different than the pre-gaming I used to do in college...that usually involved a couple of shot glasses, Tequila and some Old Style...what was I doing with my life?) in two different ways.

First, the whole not wanting to go to the late 1700s made me think about the places I would want to go had I a Terminator style time machine and the cajones to use it.  So I am going to give a quick top 3 rundown (the Rock is not involved in this Rundown, not is Stiffler).  Feel free to skip to he next part should you be so inclined (this will likely be asked as part of Taking Back Thursday in the future because it is interesting to think about..at least for me).
3) The original building of Stonehenge, whenever that happened to be.  I mean really...wtf is its purpose and how the hell did they lift those gigantic rocks into place on top of those other gigantic rocks.  I need answers and Giorgio screaming "Aliens" every chance he gets just doesnt cut it for me.
2) London, 1599 - The Globe Theater - I would love to know what seeing a play would have been like at the Hub of the theater universe in the setting that the play was written to be presented in.  Added bonus, asking people if Will had actually written the plays or if he had merely been in the right place at the right time.
1) Illinois, early 1970s - I never met either of my grandfathers, they both died in the 1970s.  I would love to have been able to meet them, even if it were just once, and know what they were like.

That was weird, I got all emotionally and stuffs.  Enough of that.

The second way I am pregaming?  A schmorgasbord of stats...June has come to an end and it's time to take stock on the last 30 days and glimpse at the year to date leaderboards.  I pulled these yesterday (7/2) so the Johnny Cueto stats are before the worst offense in the last decade beat him with a 3 run SINGLE by catcher Rene Rivera in the first inning.  I havent seen the play, but something funky must have happened for Rivera to only advance to first, but not so fleet of foot Tommy Medica (he of the 5 career minor league stolen bases...in 324 games) score all the way from first.  Just so they could make sure they were still the Padres, a 4th run was voided when Irving Falu decided that actually stepping on 3rd base while trying to score from second was optional and he was called out when the Reds appealed the play.

As always, the left table is the year to date, the right is the last 30 days.

Player	Team	R	$		Player	Team	R	$
Tulo	Dust Bunnies	65	$52		Todd Frazier	UCCMA	22	$3 (6/17)
Hunter Pence	MTMTAS	60	$23		Kold Calhoun		21
Paul Goldschmidt	MBHB	60	$60		Mike Trout	Dust Bunnies	21	$89
Brian Dozier	MBHB	60	$8 (5/20)		Anthony Rizzo	Bobs Aters	21	$20
TMGS	UCCMA	59	$34

The year to date leader board doesnt yield too many surprises as the only change is TMGS jumping to 5th and Josh Donaldson dropping from second to "I have no idea because I didnt look outside the top 5."  The last 30 days board, though...that is surprising.  Todd Frazier has been a machine and Uncle Jimmy was wise to grab him when he did and Mike Trout is Mike Trout.  Anthony Rizzo has turned into one of the better 1b in the National League (when he isnt swinging at pitches that hit him in the knee), but Kold Calhoun?  WTF is going on with the world?  WTF is going on with the Angels?  Are they scoring that many runs?  Is the Kold one going to be part of our lives again shortly?  Am I on fire?

Player	Team	RBI	$		Player	Team	RBI	$
Jose Abreu	Bobs Aters	67	$2		Jose Abreu	Bobs Aters	25	$2
Nelson Cruz	Zattack	67	$8		Kyle Seager	MTMTAS	25	$8
Edwin Encarnacion	Bobs Aters	66	$27		Mike Trout	Dust Bunnies	24	$89
Miguel Cabrera	Dust Bunnies	65	$76		Andrew McCutchen	Les Moles	24	$78
Mike Trout	Dust Bunnies	62	$89		Justin Morneau	BySs	24	$1 (7/1)

Dont you just love that the combined salary of the top 2 guys on each list is $10?  We all totally know what we are doing...right?  Jose Abreu has nearly 50 fewer plate appearances than Cruz due to his stint on the DL, but Abreu is even with him as he continues to crush baseballs beyond the expectations of even the biggest ChiSox homer (Hawk Harrelson...god I dislike that man as an announcer).  Kyle Seager has been largely unnoticed this season (and really...over the past 2 as well) but he has been the best 3rd baseman in the AL this year not named Yangervis Solarte Adrian Beltre.

Player	Team	SB	$		Player	Team	SB	$
Dee Gordon	Bobs Aters	40	$3 (4/22)		Jose Altuve	Zattack	17	$20
Jose Altuve	Zattack	37	$20		Billy Hamilton	Bobs Aters	15	$30
Billy Hamilton	Bobs Aters	35	$30		James Jones		11
Ben Revere	Les Moles	23	$1
Tacoby Bellsbury	MWP	23	$50

Dee Gordon continues to lead this parade and we already covered How Many Altuve's monster 10 SB week that vaulted him into second place on the YTD leader board.  The monthly Billy Hamilton check shows him holding steady in the SB department, but he has been getting on base nearly 1/3rd of the time in the last month...a HUGE leap forward for him that portends even greater results in the SB category.  The new name on the list is James Jones (not the GB wide receiver).  The Mariners' rookie CF has swiped 17 bags in 18 attempts and is hitting a respectable .293.  He has no power, strikes out 4 times for every walk and has only 8 RBI in 217 plate appearances...but man can he run.

Player	Team	AVG (225+ ab)	$		Player	Team	AVG (65+ ab)	$
Tulo	Dust Bunnies	0.353	$52		Jose Altuve	Zattack	0.421	$20
Jose Altuve	Zattack	0.347	$20		Adrian Beltre	Huckleberries	0.402	$41
Lonnie Chisenhall	BySs	0.344	$2 (6/17)		Scooter Gennett		0.377
Adrian Beltre	Huckleberries	0.332	$41
Jonathon Lucroy	BySs	0.331	$9

The reason that Altuve was able to steal so many bases in the last 30 days?  He was on almost constantly.  He has been a one man wrecking crew atop the Astros lineup.  I cheated a little to get the Chis onto the board as he was 1 AB short of the requirement.  He has been so good that I couldnt leave him off.  How many of you would have guessed Lucroy (other than Kyler) was in the top 5 in the Bigs in batting?  He has been by far the #1 catcher in the fantasy game this year and it isnt just a good stretch of games for him.  He has flashed these elite offensive skills since 2012.  With catcher being such a weak position across the board, Kyler has a real leg up with Lucroy.  There's another Brewer in the 30 day leader board, Scooter Gennett.  Gennett really only plays against righties (because he can really only hit righties...career 143/167/157 against south paws) but thats the good side of the platoon.  Scoots was never really a top prospect, but he did hit nearly .300 at every stop in the minors (spent 1 season at each level...which strangely doesnt happen much anymore) before hitting .324 in a call up last season.  I am not sure that he can keep it up, but hes a fun guy to root for (he's 5"10 170 lbs..aka a real human being...and his name is fricken Scooter).

Player	Team	OBP (225+ ab)	$		Player	Team	OBP (65+ ab)	$
Tulo	Dust Bunnies	0.445	$52		Paul Goldschmidt	MBHB	0.477	$60
Jose Bautista	Dust Bunnies	0.430	$29		Mike Trout	Dust Bunnies	0.473	$89
Andrew McCutchen	Les Moles	0.416	$78		Jose Altuve	Zattack	0.456	$20
TMGS	UCCMA	0.414	$34
Adam LaRoche		0.412

Another category...another Tulo sighting on top of the YTD leader board.  Nothing to see here.  Wait...Adam LaRoche has the 5th highest on base % in the Bigs?  We've never met this LaRoche before.  His K rate is down, his walk rate is up and his line drive rate is way way up (34% this year vs 21% career average), but his BABIP doesnt seem too far out of line from his career norms.  This is a player who has hit 20+ HRs in every season of his career where he has had more than 500 PA (8 times).  If he has truely turned a corner at age 34 (its a bit IF), then hes a player who belongs in the second tier of 1b along with Morneau, Rizzo and Freddie Freeman.

Player	Team	SLG (225+ ab)	$		Player	Team	SLG (65+ ab)	$
Jose Abreu	Bobs Aters	0.627	$2		Mike Trout	Dust Bunnies	0.769	$89
Tulo	Dust Bunnies	0.618	$52		JD Martinez		0.739
Mike Trout	Dust Bunnies	0.617	$89		Steve Pearce		0.693
Edwin Encarnacion	Bobs Aters	0.595	$27
TMGS	UCCMA	0.591	$34

Another category...another Tulo...wait...Jose Abreu?  Opponents Cuban Missle Crisis?  Abreu has been off this list before for one reason...he didnt have enough at bats to qualify due to his early season injury.  I am not sure that he would have been ahead of Tulo all season, but he has been close.  JD Martinez and Steve Pearce are good stories of veteran players getting a new leash on baseball life in new cities by doing things like...playing in games regularly instead of not regularly.  Martinez was yanked around by the Astros (of all teams) before being released and immediately scooped up by Detroit and almost immediately inserted into the lineup.  Pearce was let go by Pittsburgh, and then Houston...and then the Skankees.. and landed in Baltimore last season.  This year they have needed a left fielder and part time 1b with Chris Davis missing time this season and Pearce has been up to the task.

This is the point where I make reference to the fact that Mike Trout is finally doing things that made him cost $89 at auction.  Over the past 28 days per BR, Trout is hitting 348/464/730 with 20R 23RBI 10 2b 8 HR 5 SB (0 CS).  Somehow, Trout is improving on both his first and second Big league seasons.  This is a 22 year old kid playing better than almost anyone has in the history of MLB.  I am pretty sure that Mike Trout is a baseball cyborg wrapped in human tissue (T-MR3000?  Oh Bernie Mac) and that one day he is going to hold his arm up and cut the skin off to reveal a metal skeleton underneath.

Player	Team	W	$		Player	Team	W	$
Rick Porcello		11			Clayton Kershaw	Zattack	6	$70
Kamakaze Tanaka	MWP	11	$10		Garrett Richards	MBHB	5	$4 (6/10)
Felix Hernandez	MBHB	10	$44		Willy Peralta		5
Adam Wainwright	Bobs Aters	10	$42
Alfredo Simon	BySs	10	$1 (5/27)

So the MLB co-leader in wins is unowned in our fantasy league.  It isnt hard to see why, as Porcello has struck out 62 in 106 innings and doesnt offer other great ratios, but it is still surprising that no one has even kicked the tires on him. 

Player	Team	K	$		Player	Team	K	$
David Price	Les Moles	153	$36		David Price	Les Moles	63	$36
Felix Hernandez	MBHB	137	$44		Clayton Kershaw	Zattack	61	$70
Max Scherzer	UCCMA	132	$39		Felix Hernandez	MBHB	54	$44
Stephen Strasburg	MTMTAS	131	$35
Yu Darvish	BySs	128	$48

Here's a Whose Who of MLB pitchers right now...3 Cy Young winners sitting on top the YTD board, 3 Cy Young winners sitting on top the 30 day board.  Kershaw missed a mess of time or he would be on the YTD board as well, but even though he isnt, check out the k/9 rate: Price - 10.5, Felix - 9.6, Scherzer - 10.7, Stras - 10.5, Darvish - 11.0, Kershaw - 12.1.  We will visit with Mr. Kershaw more in a bit.

Player	Team	ERA (90 ip)	$		Player	Team	ERA (30 ip)	$
Johnny Cueto	MWO	1.88	$10		Clayton Kershaw	Zattack	0.82	$70
Adam Wainwright	Bobs Aters	2.01	$42		Jake Arrieta	Les Moles	0.92	$3 (6/24)
Felix Hernandez	MBHB	2.10	$44		Adam Wainwright	Bobs Aters	1.16	$42
Kamakaze Tanaka	MWP	2.10	$10
Henderson Alvarez	BySs	2.33	$1 (6/24)

The usual suspects again, with a couple of exceptions.  Henderson Alvarez?  Alvarez came to MIA in the Jose Reyes/Mark Buherle trade and has been decent so far.  But his WHIP, hit rate and K rate do not suggest that he will be staying in this company for much longer.  Jake Arrieta on the other hand, might be.  In his last 5 starts he is 4-0 with 5 QS.  He has thrown 34 2/3 innings, allowed 14 hits, 3 runs, walked 6 and struck out 46...and he has taken a perfect game into the 7th inning and in his next start, a no hitter into the 8th.  I think the Cubs won the Arrieta/Strop for Clevenger/Feldman trade last year by a smidge.

Player	Team	WHIP (90 ip)	$		Player	Team	WHIP (30 ip)	$
Johnny Cueto	MWO	0.84	$10		Clayton Kershaw	Zattack	0.68	$70
Adam Wainwright	Bobs Aters	0.90	$42		Jake Arrieta	Les Moles	0.69	$3 (6/24)
Felix Hernandez	MBHB	0.92	$44		Felix Hernandez	MBHB	0.72	$44
Julio Teheran	MTMTAS	0.95	$15
Kamakaze Tanaka	MWP	0.95	$10

Every time I do this monthly stat recap, I am always surprised that Kamakaze Tanaka is still hanging on in the top 5 in one or more categories.  I shouldnt be...I mean his splitter is legitmately one of the best 5 pitches in all of Major League baseball.  Its like Trevor Hoffman's change up or Mariano Rivera's cutter...everyone knows that it is coming, yet no one can do a damn thing about it.  The Cubs have got to be kicking themselves for not trying to top the Yankees (even though it seemed insane at the time).  A top 3 of Samardzija, Arrieta and Tanaka with Edwin Jackson and Travis Wood rounding out the rotation would have put the Cubs on track to the playoffs much sooner than the 2017 or 2018 they are currently shooting for and there wouldnt be the talk of dumping Shark for parts.

Player	Team	QS	$		Player	Team	QS	$
Felix Hernandez	MBHB	16	$44		David Price	Les Moles	6	$36
Kamakaze Tanaka	MWP	16	$10		Felix Hernandez	MBHB	6	$44
Johnny Cueto	MWP	15	$10		Jordan Zimmerman	Bobs Aters	6	$26
Julio Teheran	MTMTAS	15	$15		Garrett Richards	MBHB	6	$4 (6/10)
Aaron Harangatang	Les Moles	14	$1 (5/6)
Alfredo Simon	BySs	14	$1 (5/27)

There's my on again off again boyfriend, Garrett Richards.  Richards was spectacular of the last 30 days, finishing 5-0 (6 QS) with 44 K in 42 1/3 innings and a 1.49 ERA/0.83 WHIP...that was all not quite good enough to get him on monthly leaderboards anywhere but W and QS, but his month was too good for me not to mention.  And I am trying to make up for dropping him for a week and doing things like sending flowers and teddy bears hasnt been working.  You have got to love that the Harangatang somehow has 14 QS in 17 GS despite having a 1.4 WHIP.  This is what we like to call smoke and mirrors...or the Wish and a Prayer pitching method.  

Player	Team	SV/H	$		Player	Team	SV/H	$
Mark Melanson	Huckleberries	29	$1		Craig Kimbrel	BySs	11	$29
K Rod	MWP	27	$2 (4/15)		K Rod	MWP	10	$2 (4/15)
Craig Kimbrel	BySs	26	$29		Rob Wooten		9
Kenley Jansen	MWP	25	$28
Trevor Rosenthal	Huckleberries	24	$16

Let me introduce all non Brewer fans to Rob Wooten.  I had never heard of him, so I found my company's resident Brewer fan and asked him.  He told me, "Hes been around for a couple years, kinda up and down to AAA.  He pretty much sucks."  Yet, here he is on the 30 day leaderboard with 9 holds on the path to K Rod.  His other numbers though...not so great.  Those 9 saves come with a 9.00 ERA and a 2.22 WHIP over the past month.  Basically, he is coming in with a 3 run lead, giving up a run and 2 baserunners each time, but still handing the game off with a lead...thus a hold.  Aren't stats the best?

Anyways...there will be no ass hDLes this week as I will be doing things that arent located near a computer.  We will pick back up again on Monday with the recaps.

Enjoy the birthday parties...and dont blow your fingers off.  Also, dont miss the Uncle Jimmy post.  This monstrosity might have pushed it to the next page.

Boom Stock - Volume 1

Annyong, fellow Tots!

For those of you who aren't fans of Arrested Development (the show, not the band), that means hello. You probably know me best as Uncle Jimmy, of the famous "Yanger Management" debacle of 2014. This is my first contribution to our lovely niche of the World Wide Web, so be gentle...especially you Ukrainian spies out there.

During yesterday's texting session with "The Commish" I told Lou that I had finally watched the clip of George Springer's moonshot (thanks, Chris Berman) from earlier this week. He replied something along the lines of "he used his boom stock" and quickly replied that he meant "stick" - duh. I, in turn, being the dork that I am told Lou that I decreed that Boom Stock needed to become a recurring blog post that highlighted the recent feats of strength from our MLB pawns. He concurred and went a step further and said that he would allow me the honor of running said posts, so here we are.

From time to time (I do have a new baby son on the way around 8/1, so no promises on frequency, but I am at a computer most days during work, so...) I will chime in with some thoughts, gifs, clips, etc. for you to enjoy. Since we're all at least moderately invested in this whole dynasty league and baseball in general, some of you will probably have seen some/all of the clips already, either in real time for you rich-asses who have the MLB package and watch games daily, or from YouTube, Twatter, etc. Guess what? I don't care - I'm posting them anyway because who doesn't love watching balls slugged out of the park on a never-ending loop? Anywho, here goes my first attempt; I'm thinking of just sticking to a Top 3 since Letterman already has the Top Ten and 3 is half of 8 (get it?), which is an infinity sign turned 90 degrees. Side note - my wife, Kerstynn, loves anything involving the infinity sign, and even went so far as to get me a tie-tack of one as part of my wedding gift. OK, that's enough blabber - on to the Top 3 dingers for this week, in order of coolness:

#3: George Springer vs. Taijuan Walker. 6/30/14. Boom Stock = Up.

To the windowwww, to the wall! Simply a heater right down the pooper that I probably could have hit hard (and I suck at hitting - I was a pitcher back in the day). How cool is it that they still use old Astrodome-era animation for Astros' bombs at Enron Minute Maid?!? Also, itty-bitty Altuve enjoyed this just a little bit - surprised he didn't jolt out of the dugout to try to catch up to it with as much as he's running these days. Fun fact - Louie currently rosters (it's a word) both players and has a mammoth man-crush on Jorge. He texts me almost every time a 'Springer Dinger' happens, in the same way I alert him when TMGS goes Bazinga.

#2: Mike Trout vs. Jason (Don't call me Claudio) Vargas. 6/27/14. Boom Stock = Even.

This 489' mammoth blast by Mr. Salty Pretzel Pusher himself ended up taking a bath in the fountains in center. Wonder who is in charge of retrieving balls that meet this demise - Scuba Steve (Damn you!)? Kauffmann Stadium (post-upgrades) looks like a pretty sweet place to watch a game - I always wonder how many accidents are caused by stadiums like this that are right off a major road where drivers have to be sneaking peeks as they whiz by. I love stadiums across sports that have some kind of highly unique feature like these fountains, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who not-so-secretly hopes for something cool to happen with said feature(s) any time I watch a game or see a highlight. Same concept applies to the Springer Dinger mentioned above as it sailed over the "orange"-filled choo-choo (not Shin-Soo Choo) tracks in left.

#1: Mookie Betts vs. Carlos Villanueva. 7/2/14. Boom Stock = Hopefully Up (for my sake).

As Lou says: "Mookie being Mookie." Shameless plug - with Mookie's soon-to-be-added OF eligibility, feel free to make me an offer for Yo Anus. Sorry for the crappy, short clip here, but apparently John Q. Public didn't care enough about my potential blog last night to rush to upload a better option. Seen here is one of the original awesome stadium features: The Green Monstah. I've only been to one game at Fenway in my life and sat down the right field line area, but would love to see a game from the seats/benches/stools on top of this bad boy. Two cool things about this maiden jack: a surprised A.J. Pierzynski turning around at home plate to find Mr. Betts almost in his back pocket and the story of who ended up catching the ball (a solid one-hop grab, btw). I wonder how much MLB is going to pay me for directing traffic to its site? If our foreign friends visit it, do I get paid double? Someone get me Bud's cell number, please...

Edit - breaking news that Yanger was just optioned to AAA by the Yankees. Perfect timing, MOOKIE!

Hope you enjoyed my first post - feel free to leave "constructive criticism" in the comments section below. Have a fun and safe holiday weekend; I'll be spending at least some of the time dreaming of Brad Richards running the point on the Hawks PP next year, and some of the time throwing down the contents of the boxes (yes, plural) of Snap Pops that I recently bought at Walmart.

Peace out!

Cellar Dweller

Week 14 Waiver Wire - Learning to Live with Regret and without Yanger

So so so so many things going on on this Tuesday, the first day of JULY.  First off, this is the 100th post on the blog and we just went over 2000 all time views and we havent even been around for 4 months yet (we will hit that mark next Monday 7/7).  It is difficult to wrap my mind around that sentence. In my head it sounds as crazy as Left Eye from TLC burning down Andre Rison's house.  For one, I cant believe that there are people out there who are willing to read the dribble that comes out of my fingers onto the keyboard...especially not multiple times.  But I appreciate it like Pac appreciates his Mamma.

First: TRADE!!!
Backyard SuperStars get SS Alexei Ramirez
MWP Masters gets OF Charlie Blackmon

This trade processed through for this past Monday and Blackmon is already in John's starting lineup for this week.  I am well on record saying that I dont think Blackmon's flukish start to the season is anywhere close to what he is as a player, but I do think that his last 28 days (279/330/394 with 5 SB)shows what he is.  And that is a useful player with some upside hitting at the front end of a solid offense with mashers Morneau, Corey Dickerson and Tulo hitting behind him (though not in that order).  After picking up Jimmy Rollins last week, Kyler is continuing his quest to own every shortstop in the league.  If he cant accomplish that, at least he can take comfort in knowing that he now owns every ARam in the league (Alexei joining Aramis).  Maybe instead of Backyard Superstars the team should be Army of ARams.  I am also on record saying that Alexei's start to the season was unsustainable.  Like Blackmon, I think ARam's last 28 days (231/247/319) are closer to what he really is, though he isnt quite this bad. 
Advantage: MWP>BySs  John gets the carrot in this one only because Blackmon is a more useable piece for him (especially with Evan Gattis going on the DL soon) than Ramirez is for Kyler with JRoll already on the roster.  Skills wise, I would rather have Blackmon than Ramirez in a vaccum, but OFers are much easier to find than SS, so it makes the deal fairly even.

Before we get to the waiver adds, I must warn you about the Yangervis drop/Mookie Betts add.  I will wait until last to do this one, but it may end up being 32 pages long by itself.  There are so many things to say to Yanger as he departs our league, likely for the last time.  There are so many more things to say to Mookie.  I mean, who isnt excited about having a Mookie in our lives full time.  I dont think there's been one since Mookie Blaylock was inspiring Eddie Vedder (quick tangent--for you youngsters, Vedder was the lead singer of Pearl Jam, a good but way way way too overhyped band in the 90s.  Pearl Jam was originally named Mookie Blaylock because they loved him so much, but they had to change the name because...well you cant name your band after a person who is alive, not in that band, and actively playing professional basketball.  Instead they decided to honor him by naming one of their albums "10" which was Blaylock's number).  Before him, there was Mookie Wilson.  Before that...a Mookie-less void back to the dawn of man.  I am so excited I have already made the pre-Mookie paragraph way too long.

OF Matt Holliday - $7 - Huckleberries - Drop SP RA Dickey
Dickey hasnt been able to regain the form that won him the NL Cy Young with the Mets in 2012.  He hasnt been terrible, but an ERA over 4, a WHIP hovering about 1.4 and 88 K in 104 innings arent going to cut it in this fantasy league.  I was very surprised when Bob cut Holliday.  He is struggling a bit so far, but he is a career .300 hitter over 11 seasons with 20-25 HRs per year.  The man is a professional hitter even though the 2007 beast (340/405/607) is never coming back.  What Holliday is now is still a useful fantasy player.

SS Alcides Escobar - $3 - MWP Masters - Drop 2b/ss/OF Ben Zobrist
Zobrist's utility has always made him one of my favorite fantasy players to have on my team.  He was never great, but his SBs (via great baserunning and timing), OBP, decent power and positional flexibility overcame the so-so batting average that he has always brought (other than .297 in 2009...the year we all fell in love with him as a fantasy option).  This year...well at least he still has position flexibility.  Escobar is, in many ways, the anit-Zobrist.  He has absolutely no power, hits for a decent average (every other year it seems), will never ever ever walk (126 career walks...in over 2800 plate appearances) and steals a ton of bases based on pure speed...and he is doing all those things this year, not in our memories.

RP Joba Chamberlain - $3 - MTMTAS - Drop RP Sergio Romo
Romo was dispatched as Giants closer after blowing his 5th save over the weekend.  He will likely get the job back at some point as his ERA (5.17) and WHIP (1.02) dont exactly match up.  I am very excited to have Joba Chamberlain back being fat and making stupid comments...and occasionally pitching in baseball games.  He has actually been pretty decent this year for the Tigers.  He is piling up holds (15) right now and if he keeps going like he is, a promotion to the big boy chair isnt out of the question for a team who still employs Joe Nathan to try to get people out in the 9th inning.

RP Jake McGee - $2 - MBHB - Drop SP/RP Andrew Cashner
2b/3b/OF Josh Harrision - $1 - MBHB - Drop SP Ian Kennedy
I woke up last Saturday morning after having gone through the hitting stats on Friday, and I realized that I was rostering 2/5ths of the starting rotation for the worst hitting baseball team, maybe in history.  While wins are not the be all, end all of pitchers, I figured with Taijuan Walker getting the call and Archie Bradley resuming his march towards the Arizona rotation, I could rid myself of having to worry about the Padre offense (I think I am going to start calling them the Dead Beat Dads).  McGee is a member of Project Mayhem and appears to have taken control of the big chair in Tampa.  Harrison is a utility knife who can back up multiple positions and steal the occasional bag.  The .300 batting average is a mirage, but even at .275, Harrison is a useful player (and former Cub prospect).

C Devin MesoHornyraco - $1 - Les Moles - 1b/OF Garrett Jones
Jones is a completely replaceable 1b or OF, MesoHorny is not.  In fact, MesoHorny is one of the top offensive catchers in MLB thus far, as shown by his 5 HR in 5 game binge from June 19 to June 24.  The knock on him (and reason I dropped him a couple weeks ago) is that the Reds insist on playing Brayan Pena behind the dish multiple times per week.  If the Reds wise up and start playing the clearly better player more often, this will be an all time steal for Tom and I will look like a complete moron (more than usual).  Also...I feel like MesoHorny and The Molesters were made to be together...so I feel a little less bad about dropping him.

OF Carlos Beltran - $1 - Dust Bunnies - Drop OF Wil Myers
A Dust Bunny sighting!  After starting an injured Wil Myers for the last 241 weeks (approximate), Dusty, (I talked to Dusty this weekend while watching my wife's and his girlfriend's, though they arent the same person, little brother throw a 3 hit shutout) has finally made a move to get a warm body into his lineup.  Lukewarm might be the better way to describe Beltran at this point in his career.  Beltran was a beast...in 2006.  He was even more than useful the past couple of seasons in St. Louis, but for some reason it seems like almost all older players see a resurgence in the Lou. Every offensive stat is trending in the wrong direction for the 37 year old Beltran.  Myers was last seasons AL Rookie of the year after being one of the most hyped prospects that I can remember.  He has been hurt this year (currently on the DL...Dusty's team doesnt have a player in the DL slot) and he hasnt been great when he has played, but I would not expect to see him sitting on the waiver wire for very long given the pedigree.

1b Justin Morneau - $1 - BySs - Drop 2b Brandon Phillips

There was a time when Brandon Phillips was one of THE 2bman to own in fantasy.  Look at that mammoth 2007 season (288/331/485 107R 30HR 94RBI 32SB)...thats a stat stuffing buffet of gloriousness to rival anything that OCB is putting out these days.  But since that season, Phillips has seen his HRs decrease or stay the same in each subsequent season and his speed went from 32 SB into the 20s, then into the teens, then into single digits and this year he is 1 for 4 in attempts.  Basically, he looks like his days as a good MLBer are numbered.  If I were writing this last year, the same could have applied to Morneau.  Morneau had been a monster through 2010, when concussions took their toll on his career.  In 2011 and 2012 he struggled through head issues and in 2013 looked like he would ressurect his career as useful but not great 1b.  Oh what a move to the thin air of TacoTown will do.  Morneau is hitting over .300 and is amongst the league leaders in RBI.  He is currently hitting 3rd in a lineup that features Charlie Blackmon, Cory Dickerson, TuloGit and Carlos Gonzalez when he comes back.  With Joey Votto struggling at 1b for Kyler, this is, at the very least, solid insurance.

OF Brett Gardner - $1 - BySs - Drop 2b/3b/OF Martin Prado
Kyler has spent the past couple of weeks trying to dump Prado on anyone who will take him, so it isnt surprising to see him drop him.  The traded of Blackmon to John opened up a spot for Gardner, which he will fill quite well.  Gardner has been a solid 5 cat producer (he lacks a bit in RBI), with a solid average, decent number of stolen bases and he may crack 10 HRs in a season for the first time in his career.  If you look at the trade as Blackmon and Prado for Gardner and Alexei Ramirez, it starts looking a lot better for Kyler.

SS(?) Mookie Betts - $16 - UCCMA - Drop 2b/3b/SS Yangervis Solarte

Mookie being Mooke

I am so giddy that I have no idea where to start on this one.  I will start with Yanger, itll let me end on a high note.  Losing Yanger is like losing a member of the family in the deep dark part of your house where no one ever goes...only if that family member put up consecutive weeks where they added absolutely no value to your family structure and actively plotted to injure 24 other family members.  I will miss him dearly, though he will always be in our hearts and minds as the "Yanger Zone" will live on forever to designate someone who puts up a goose egg in the batting average column for a league week.  Peace out Yanger...welcome to the family Mookie.  I have seriously always wanted to say that.  There are so many great Mookie related lines that I could use...I am terribly disappointed that my weak $3 claim on Betts was bested by Uncle Jimmy.  Though when I saw he bid the second highest amount (to Yordano Ventura at $20 to Bob before the season) for any waiver add this year, I was less disappointed.  At 6 this morning I texted Jimmy things like "You paid it all for the Mookie?" and "Youre kind of like Han Solo, always stroking your own Mookie" and I actually spent time thinking about changing the lyrics to the Bloodhound Gang's "Fire Water Burn" to be about Uncle Jimmy picking up Mookie Betts.  Here's the first verse:

Mookie being Mookie

Hello my name is Jimmy G and I'm a smart white guy,
I'm not old or new, taught middle school fifth grade like junior high,
I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin' give props to Giancarlo cause he hit big fly,
But I can take the heat cause I'm the other white meat known as "y'Call me Al",
Yeah I'm like Yangervis' average  hard to see with the naked eye,
But if I slung it like Yoenis I would stick it where the sun don't shine,
Cause I'm kind of like Segura always stroking my own Mookie,
I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need Yangervis let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker burn.


Mookie being Mookie again

I have way too much time on my hands and I'm kinda messed up in the head.  And I am ok with that.  As a public service announcement, there will be more than 2017299 occasions over the rest of the sason where I will say "That's just Mookie being Mookie."  It wont matter if it is a soft roller to the pitcher, a rocket down the line for a triple, a sweet stolen base, or if he drops a routine pop up in the outfield...Mookie being Mookie is something that I have used as a catch all for anyone named Mookie since the late 80s when I used to play RBI Baseball until my eyes started turning into dust balls (not Dusty balls...those are different and I would thank you to never make me think of them again).  For some reason Yahoo has Betts lists as a SS, a position he hasnt played since he spent some time there in 2011.  Betts is primarily a 2b, though with Dustin Pedroia firmly entrenched at 2b in Boston, Mookie will do Mookie-ish things in the outfield for the foreseeable future.  The Saws didnt call him up to sit him on the bench, so he will get ample chances to sink or swim.  I like the move for Jimmy because it helps his team and rids him of the Yanger Stink, but I love the move because it adds a little more Mookie to our lives.