If you aint first, you're last.

I sometimes stop to wonder if it is slightly problematic that a large number of the greatest and most memorable quotes of the last 15 years were said by a character being played by Will Ferrell.  I feel like there should be some more widely remembered things said by important people like Presidents, poets, and deep thinkers.  I guess there are plenty, but most of them are things like, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" and "I can see Russia from my house."  Not exactly high brow stuff there.  Ricky Bobby, Ron Burgendy, and Ashley Schaeffer arent exactly high brow either, but their dialogue is written in a way that is at the same time honest, hillarious, ridiculous and poignant.  But while I love me some Ron Burgendy and some Ricky Bobby (and I am somewhat sad to admit, Jackie Moon), my favorite Will Ferrell movie is a little seen one, Eight Years in Catmandu Stranger than Fiction.  The premise, that a man suddenly begins hearing a voice narrating his life and that voice implies that his death is imminent, is interesting and Ferrell is his usual blend of physical and vocal comedy, but adds a great deal of humility, which is likely why its my favorite one of his movies.  Anyways, this is a super long way of saying, sorry Zach, you had a great season, but since you didnt finish it out, I am pretty much ignoring your team for the rest of this post.  This one belongs to the very first Tater Tot Crown winner.
Back in July, when Tom went all Crusaiders style in attempt to take back Thursday, he wrote, "I hope to make the playoffs this year and my other big goal is to beat John. He doesnt think that I will be able to win with my team so that make winning a playoff spot all the better to know that I made it and he didnt. It's going to be interesting the rest of the year to see who can lock up that last playoff spot considering five teams are really close to each other in the standings. I really didnt know what I was doing in the draft or for the first few weeks which really hurt my season because I fell to last place and it was hard to get out. But I think i can try to be Worst to First."  Looks like mission accomplished on all fronts.  Make the playoffs...check (win playoffs...check).  Beat John...check, check and check (John finished in 8th place in the regular season and lost the unmentionable 7th place game to Kevin for an 8th place finish.  Sounds like John finished in 8th...and Tom finished in 1st).
So in honor of our first champion, heres the breakdown of the final week for each starter:

C - Joe Mauer - Despite an overall down season (277/361/371 60R 55RBI 3SB 455 ABs), Mauer was a respectable 294/368/412 1R 3RBI in the season's final week including hits in each of his last 4 games.  Mauer will lose catcher eligibility for 2015, so it will be interesting (at least to me) to see what Tom does with the Hometown Hero.

1b - Adrian Gonzalez - The MLB's RBI leader (116) had a bit of a rough last week with the stick (167/250/556) but chipped in a strong 4 runs and 4 RBI to help Tom win both those categories.  His season long numbers were close to the Adrian Gonzalez that we all remember from San Diego several seasons back, but without the benefits of a high OBP (.335).  His 83 runs was the 8th best total by a 1b and his .482 slg % was the 10th best by a first base eligible player with more than 400 at bats.

2b - Chase Utley - Utley, too, had a bit of a slow last week of the season, finishing with a 217/280/348 line with 2 runs, 2 RBI and a pair of stolen bases.  The stolen bases ended up being key, as Tom won the category by exactly 2 steals.  For the season, Utley's 270/339/407 was unspectacular but solid and he did it over 589 at bats.  His 78 RBIs were the 4th most by a second base player.

3b - Josh Donaldson - Donaldson helped the A's stave off the biggest, most epic collapse since the Dust Bunnies went into a tail spin in late August with a 261/414/391 4R 1RBI week.  Amongt 3b, Donaldson was 4th in runs and 2nd in RBI and 8th in slg% for the season.

SS - Ian Desmond - Not to be confused with Ian Ziering or Dustin Diamond, Desmond continued his ascension into the ranks of the SS elite this year, finishing the season with a 255/313/430 line.  His 73 runs were the 9th most by a SS, his 91 RBI were the most at his position and his 24 stolen bases were the 6th most.  His multifaceted talents were on full display in the final week of the season as he finished with a pair each of RBI, runs and SBs to go along with a 286/421/571 slash line.

OF1- Yoenis Cespedes - Think Cespedes wishes that he were in Kansas City tonight instead of on his way home (maybe already there) to Cuba...wait...he cant go to Cuba because they will never let him leave again.  I think that means he would definitely rather be in KC...stinking Brad Pitt and his meddling in baseball management.  Yo!Anus had a solid final week, 308/308/346 4R 3RBI 1SB, but his overall season slash line (260/301/450) left a bit to be desired, even if his counting stats (89 runs tied for 10th in MLB among OF, 100 RBI was the 6th highest total) made him appear to be one of the top OFers in baseball.

OF2 - Austin Jackson - Jackson did his best Benedict Arnold impersonation, finishing the Championship week with a 138/194/138 1R 1RBI 1SB line.  The best thing about Jackson's season was that he played adequate defense (it certainly wasnt his 256/308/347 season line...and it is appalling that a team would hit a man with a .308 OBP at the top of its lineup as Seattle did throughout its stretch run.  Maybe if they had a player that didnt make 7 outs in every 10 times up hitting the most of any player on their roster, they would have won one more game).

OF3 - Andrew McCutchen - The reigning NL MVP was the Tater Tot Championship MVP with a ridiculous 409/548/773 7R 8RBI 1SB week that pretty much put Tom over the top in every offensive category.  McCutchen put up an Escalator Club line FOR THE SEASON (314/410/542) with 89 runs, 83 RBI and 18 SBs.  It was the first time in his career that he failed to steal 20 bags and also halted his run of 3 consecutive 20-20 season.  Basically, McCutchen is a statistical shmorgashborg of goodness whom we are all lucky to be seeing play live.  When I watch him play, I get the distinct feeling that we will be telling our grandkids about what it was like to see his combination of speed, power, defense and dreadlocks.

Being a former hitter, I have never really valued pitchers that much.  So...they get the speed round treatment...and after you see the stats Tom's guys put up this week, you'll realize that there are only so many ways to say, "This guy fucking dominated." 
Tom's worst starter this week was the guy the A's are sending to the hill tonight in their win or go home game against the Royals, Jon Lester.  And Lester's 7K 3.86/1.14 1 QS line would have been nice to have many a week on the Hitless Bastards.  Zach Greinke (2W 11K 2.08/0.85 1QS), David Price (1W 16K 1.69/0.88 2QS), Jake Arrieta (1W 10K 0.00/0.43 1 QS), Josh Collmenter (1W 8K 1.88/0.63 2QS) and Carlos Carrasco (19K 1.80/1.00 2 QS) all completely dominated this week (and I refuse to believe that it was actually Aaron Harang who put up 1W 12K 1.98/1.17 2 QS this week.  What is this, 2006?)  They were so good that Tom managed to win 5 of the 6 pitching categories (he lost SV+H, just like he always does) with one of the spots being filled by Jesse Chavez, who didnt throw this week and who Tom outright released on Monday.