Week 20 Recaps - Drooling the Drool of Regret onto the Pillow of Remorse

I'm just gonna get it started:

Bob's ATers - 8
KIODL - 3
Tie - 1 (SB, 6)

The secret to Bob's success.

And with that...Bob clinched a playoff spot and is only 1 game away from clinching the 1st round bye week and top overall seed (and the non-existent home field advantage that comes with it.  Our fake teams are going to fake hate to have to fake travel to rural Iowa to fake face the ATers...).  Remember when I traded Jason Heyward to Bob and predicted that he would go off because he was now on /ob's team...well Heyward's 407/452/556 6R 7RBI week puts him amongst the top performers in the league for week 20...and takes away any doubt that I had that Bob is feeding his players performance enhancing drugs like tic-tacs.  Heyward, along with Jose Abreu (364/440/636 4R 5RBI), Anthony Rendon (304/448/391 7R 2RBI 1 SB) and Billy Hamilton's legs (4SB) propelled the ATer offense, though they won only 2 categories because of Edwin Encarnacion's 158/158/172 in his first week off the DL.  Normally you cant blame one player, but the categories were so close, that you really can in this case.  John didnt have a single Escalator Club player this week, but he did get solid contributions from nearly the entire lineup.  The highlights: Lucas Duda had 7R and 11RBI (and a 348/385/1000 slash) and Jacoby Ellsbury stole 4 bases and put up a 409/435/455 slash line.  On the mound, Bob's squad really took it to John's, winning all 6 categories in convincing fashion, in large part due to 2 of John's starters residing on the List 'O the Disabled and the other 3 starting pitchers being Johnny Cueto (4K 7.20/2.20), James Shields (1W 6K 3.00/1.67 1 QS) and Mark Buehrle (2K 4.26/1.42 1 QS).  Bob got double digit Ks from Chris Sale (15), Hisashi Iwakuma (12) and Jordan Zimmerman (10) as well as a dominant run from Aroldis Chapman (9K 0.00/0.25 1SV/H in 4 innings).


Les Moles - 9
MTMTAS - 2
Tie - 1 (QS, 6)

Tom is pumped LesMoles are on a roll and heading
towards a playoff berth.

The good times are finally rolling in Molesterville.  After a rough start to the season (and getting on the wrong end of some high scoring matchups for both teams), the schedule has been breaking friendly for Tom's crew.  Its hard not to get excited when you can dominate the hitting categories (winning 5) while starting players like Josh Donaldson (077/143/077 0R 0RBI) and Chase Utley (120/185/120 2R 3RBI 1SB) despite not having a single player hit over .318.  Joe Mauer (5R, 8RBI), Adrian Gonzalez (4R 6RBI), Ian Desmond (6R 6RBI 2SB) YoAnus (4R 7RBI) and swan song Ben Revere (308/357/308 4R 2RBI 3SB) provided a balanced attack in the win.  Just to be clear...Ben Revere knocked in 2 runs this week bringing his season total (119 games, 479 plate appearances) to 15.  He also has 11 walks, in case you were wondering.  I am fairly confident that a hyena wearing a cowboy hat (or a Tom wearing a cow on his head while having a random girl eating his shoulder and soul) could successful work roughly 11 walks in 479 plate appearances.  The reason Tom was able to win despite nothing spectacular on offense was that Tyler had even less, bottoming out with Allen Craig (200/333/300 0R 0RBI) and a YANGER ZONE 000/000/000 from supposed uber-prospect Gregory Polanco, who was optioned to AAA this morning.  On the mound, the highlight for MTMTAS was getting 6 wins from 6 different pitchers and getting 11Ks from Ervin Santana across a pair of starts.  Tom, once again, got his typical stellar pitching, winning 5 categories behind David Price (9K 0.00/0.13 1QS), John Lester (7K 1.29/0.86 1QS), Jake Arrieta (1W 5K 1.29/0.71 1QS), John Lackey (7K 3.00/0.83 1QS) and our old friend Houston pitcher Dallas Kuechel (5K 3.38/0.88 1QS).  Once upon a time, I had that many pitchers on my team that were not on the DL, let alone having that many pitchers have good weeks at once.


UCCMA - 8
MBHB - 3
Tie - 1 (SV/H, 3)

This matchup was actually much closer than the 8-3-1 final would indicate, as many of the matchups were decided by a very small margin.  But, as they say, close only counts in horseshoes, hand gernades and nuclear missles.  Uncle Jimmy got an Escalator Club week from Buster Posey (409/435/818 5R 3RBI), 6R and a .500 OBP from Freddie Freeman, and a 381/536/476 3R 6RBI week from TMGS to lead the way on offense.  The Hitless Bastards had a Escalator Club performances from Anthony Rizzo (346/414/731 3R 4RBI 1SB - so maybe I cant be too mad about Heyward) and Jayson Werth (423/484/615 5R 7RBI 2SB) as well as a monster ratio week from Oscar Taveras (409/458/455), but couldnt overcome Xander Bogaerts' 071/235/071.  I still believe that Bogaerts will be a stud someday...but it is looking that like day is going to be in 2015 or beyond.  On the mound, UCCMA took 4 categories behind Lance Lynn (1W 5K 0.00/0.86 1QS), Tyson Ross (8K 2.25/0.75 1QS) and 13 Ks from Max Scherzer, despite a couple of uncharacteristicly poor outings from the reigning Cy Young winner.  MBHB could have changed their name to MBPB this week as, other than MadBum (1W 12K 3.86/1.14 1 QS) and Rick Porcello (1W 4K 0.00/0.33 1QS) there wasnt a lot to like.  Garrett Richards' injury and Jesse Hahn's demotion at the beginning of the week left MBHB very shorthanded and with little room for error. Cole Hamels bad start combined with implosions from Tyler Clippard and Casey Janssen made it so that Jim could have started 6 different straw scarecrows and he probably would have won the pitching categories...and his guys are better than straw scarecrows.


BySs - 6
ZAttack - 5
Tie - 1 (SB, 1)

Kyler and Zach were roommates until a couple months ago, so the matchup this week, while it was still big because they talk and hangout a lot, wasnt as big as it could have been when they were living together and could have wagered things like taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, buying the beer, cleaning the toilet or any other random thing that you could have bet on with your roomie.  Cest la vie.  Kyler was able to win this matchup by taking 3 of the hitting categories and splitting a 4th.  Daniel Murphy (381/435/429 4R 2RBI), Kung Fu Pandoval (417/407/542 1R 4RBI) and Justin Upton 333/382/600 4R 11RBI) led the way for the Superstars, who were able to overcome a 111/238/111 1R 0RBI 1SB line from Brett Garnder and a 111/200/111 3R 0RBI 0SB line from ManBearPuig.  Zach got craptastic weeks from Salvador Perez (176/176/235), How Many Altuves (217/308/217) and the free falling Nelson Cruz (143/250/571) that somehow pulled down the most insane hitting week that this league has yet seen.  David Ortiz only had 4 runs and a pair of RBI, but managed to go Full David Ortiz World Series Mode in putting up a 647/769/1118 line.  None of that is a typo.  I seriously cannot even fathom someone putting up a 1.887 OPS over an entire week in anything other than video games.  And I repeat, his team lost more hitting categories than they won (though they did win OBP and SLG, thanks entirely to that madness).  Of course, Ortiz is out tonight after getting hit by a pitch Saturday and fouling another off his foot yesterday.  On the pitching side, the teams split 3 wins apiece behind a number of spectacular performances (Clayton Kershaw, Mike Minor, Danny Duffy, Alex Cobb, to name a few).  But it is the terrible ones we are going to focus on.  First, for Zach, Jeff Samardzija had his worst outing of the year, giving up 7 runs to the Mets and finishing the week with 3K and a 17.18/2.45 ratio.  Its a tough turn, but the Shark should bounce back.  For Kyler, Koji Uehara finished the week with 2Ks and 32.40/4.80 ratios.  Uehara gave up 6 runs this week, including 5 in 2/3rds of an inning on Friday against the Mariners.  To put that in perspective, Uehara gave up 9 runs in ALL OF 2013 (74 innings).  He has now given up 15 earned runs this season, which is almost as many as he gave up in 2012 and 2013 combined (16) and more than he has given up in any season since his 2009 rookie season when he was a starting pitcher with Baltimore.  Koji Uehara giving up 5 runs in a single game is like seeing Hallie's Comet while being struck by lightning during a 5.0+ magnitude earthquake while standing in rural North Dakota between 12:30 and 12:45 in the afternoon.