Week 20 Waivers - Hello Again Mr. Kate Upton

Breaking up with a player is often like breaking up with a significant other.  Sometimes when a player leaves, he leaves us for good (Jedd Jerko).  Sometimes he is just taking a break (Garrett Richards).  Sometimes its on again, off again, on again, off again (like Kold Calhoun).  Yet other times, he is just waiting for his savior to come along and pick him up off the waiver wire purgatory line and make him forget the old owner that so callously threw him to the wolves.


SP Justin Verlander - $7 - KIODL - Drop RP Joakim Soria
John went on a DL purge this week, and started with Soria, who has been on the DL since August 10th with an oblique strain and isnt expected back until the calendar flips to September.  Even when healthy, Soria is an unexciting player who is behind Joe Nathan (and maybe Joba Chamberlain - who ever thought that sentence would be typed without any irony) for saves, and has been atrocious (5 earned runs in 4 1/3 innings) since moving to Detriot from Texas.  Nathan has also been terrible since moving from Texas to Detroit.  Maybe there is something in the water in the D that makes it so anyone who drank the water in Texas for more than a year, then tries to drink the water in Detroit forgets how to get professional hitters out.  That explaination makes as much sense as any other.  For the pick up, Verlander is a strange case.  On one hand, he is Justin Verlander...he of the AL Cy Young and MVP awards, of the 8.3K/9 inning career K rate, he of the 10 year $219,000,000 (it looks so much more impressive when you type out the zeros) contract, he of the dumping ice cold water on Kate Upton in a white shirt for all the world to see. <<side note - WTF is going on with the ICE BUCKET challenges?  I'm not going to lie, I am not hip.   I am not down with what the kids are doing these days.  I dont have the 411.  I am definitely not getting jiggy with no ice bucket, no matter how cool the payoff is.  My momma didnt raise no fool. (bonus points to anyone who picks up the reference here, leave it in the comments).  I mean, I cannot look at Facebook on my phone, which happens roughly 1 or maybe 2 times per day, without seeing 18 different people challenging everyone and their brothers to do this thing.  Some people have been challenged 3 and 4 times each.  Now, it seems to me, and I could be wrong, that the way this works is that someone challenges you, and if you do it, great, but if you dont, you have to donate some amount of money to charity.  Let me get this straight...I can either donate money, or dump something cold on myself?  Why are these the only two options? What happens if I dont do either?  Public ridicule on my Facebook?  Does Facebook shut my account down if I dont comply within 2.75 days?  I get that donating to some charity is a great idea, and I am all for anything that gets people to be more aware of others who may be in more need.  On that level, this challenge crap is acheiving great success, and I guess that as long as people are into it, its not hurting anything.  But really?  This is what we are using our technology and our time to do?>> <<Side note #2, the revenge of the side note - I heard an ad on the radio for an event that would be associated with Mental Health awareness month or day or something...I wasnt paying that close attention at that point.  This is a great idea.  Mental Health is one of the least understood parts of the human experience, yet it affects so many either directly or indirectly.  I probably wasnt going to go, but I can still provide moral support from afar.  Then the ad mentioned that it was called a "Cut-A-Thon."  Pump the brakes...we need to put this train on hold.  Someone thought that calling a mental health awareness event a Cut-A-Thon is a good idea?  They are cutting off hair to raise money, so its not like they are slitting wrists or anything, but cutting is a serious issue amongst people with mental health problems.  I dont know if they were trying to be cute with the name or if they are just plain ignorant to what it sounds like they are planning to do.>>> Sorry for the longest rant ever, Ill try to make the next one longer.  Back to Verlander...on the other hand he is carrying an ugly 4.76/1.42 ERA/WHIP combo that looks remarkably similar to the 4.84/1.40 combo he put up in 2008, the season before he went on his mammoth 4 season run that made him successful enough to land Kate Upton as a girlfriend.  If you look at the stats, you can almost see a smooth path into his monster 2011 season and a smooth path out of it.  Maybe he built up to his peak, hit it and is now on his way back down.  Maybe its just a blip.  Either way, for someone with Verlander's pedigree, $7 is a worthy claim.

1b/OF Michael Cuddyer - $5 - Les Moles - drop OF Ben Revere
Tom moves from one ex-Twin to another.  Cuddy was out for 3 months, then promptly hit for the cycle in the second game of a double header on his first day back in the bigs.  Too bad the Rockies are so far out of contention that no one noticed.  Cuddy will be a solid play in everything in our game other than SBs, which is funny because that is the primary contribution that Revere made, though Paul's distant nephew, twice removed has surprised everyone by hitting a completely respectable .315 so far this year.  The knock on Revere is that he absolutely destroys your RBI (he has 13 this year...Corey Dickerson had 11 last week) and SLG% categories because he literally would have trouble hitting a ball out of the park where they play the Little League World Series.  That's right, I did just say that some 12 year olds have more power than Ben Revere.  None of them can make the ridiculous catches that he makes, but it would be awesome if, just once, when Revere came to bat, the announcers talked about his favorite food or what he wanted to be when he grows up.

SP/RP Matt Shoemaker - $5 - KIODL - drop 3b/OF Ryan Zimmerman
The Purge continues.  Its not THE PURGE, I pretty much refuse to watch that movie because it hits on so so so so so many of my completely irrational phobia (or so I have been lead to believe), but if you are on the DL and you are on John's team and not Japanese...notice has been served.  I was a little surprised by this, seeing as how Zimmerman is a perennial All Star and wouldnt be a bad piece to build a team around, but then I saw that there still isnt a time table for him to resume baseball activities...and he is more than a lot injury prone.  Shoemaker kind of came out of nowhere this season to be a dependable rotational fill in for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, USA, Earth.  With the Angels in a playoff hunt and 6 legitimate starters, either Shoemaker or Tyler Skaggs will be the odd man out.  Either way, the maker of the shoes should be a useful piece down the stretch and could be an intriguing keeper based on what the Angels plans are for him in the future.

1b/OF Chris Carter - $2 - MBHB - drop SP Archie Bradley
Archie, the non comic book version, is currently the #11 prospect in all of baseball according to MLB.com, and a report floated this weekend that he will likely be called up in September as the Snakes move to a 6 man rotation to limit the innings of Bradley and a couple other young starters.  So...why drop him? Because my team needs hitting...like 4 weeks ago.  And the one thing that Chris Carter can do is catch touchdowns hit.  Carter is the #1 overall player in the Yahoo! game over the past 30 days, posting a 324/372/686 line with 22R 29RBI 2SB and he even rescued a kitten who was sitting too close to where Ernesto Frieri was playing catch.  Since Paul Goldschmidt was broken (and who I am kidding, long before that), the Hitless Bastards have needed a consistent bat.  Carter isnt consistent in the least (despite that huge run, he is still hitting .233 on the season), but at least he's a bat.

SP Zack Wheeler - $1 - ZAttack - drop 1b Brandon Belt
Belt is a sad story.  He stormed out of the gate with 5 HRs in the team's first 8 games, before hitting a bit of a mini slump.  Then he got his head knocked and hit the DL for nearly 2 months with concussion symptoms.  He came off the DL in early July, but was not the same player, really struggled and went back on the DL due to further concussion like symptoms and was out for another 2 weeks.  He returned again and was playing well for the 5 games he was active before the head issues popped back up again.  Hopefully the Giants do the right thing and hold him out the rest of the year so that the kid can get his head right and continue his career fresh in 2015.  Wheeler...Wheeler was supposed to be the Sundance Kid to Matt Harvey's Butch Cassidy, but Harvey has been out all season and Wheeler started off throwing like...well...just A Kid.  That has all turned around over his last 9 starts (all quality starts).  Since June 30th, Wheeler is 5-0 with a 2.02 ERA with 54 strikeouts and he hasnt allowed more than 3 runs in any start.  He is like the anti-Shelby Miller, if you will.  Wheeler's prospect hype, plus his recent performance and now miniscule price tag make him an intriguing keeper for the Zach Attack.  Maybe he can replace AC Slater.

SP Brandon McCarthy - $1 - Huckleberries - drop SP Jason Hammel
If only Billy Beane could cut ties with Hammel as easily as Kevin has done, I am sure that he would. Since coming over to the A's, Hammel has made 7 starts, is 1-5 with a 7.16 ERA has 21 strikeouts in 32 innings pitched and has allowed an incredible 60 baserunners (1.875 WHIP).  Somehow, he still has a job in the "best starting rotation" in the league.  I think his inclusion makes it pretty much impossible for anyone to realistically call them the best rotation in the AL.  Where Hammel was undone by his trade, McCarthy seems to have been invigorated by his move from the DBacks to the House Adjacent to the House That Ruth Built but We Tore Down.    Like Hammel, McCarthy has made 7 starts in his new home, totalling 43 innings with a 2.30 ERA and 1.28 WHIP and 43 strikeouts.  Clearly Hammel is going in the wrong direction and McCarthy is trending in the right one.

RP Brad Boxberger - $1 - MBHB - drop SP Jesse Hahn
First off...his name is Boxberger.  Imagine if you will...Joe Madden is sitting in the dugout talking to Don Zimmer's ghost and he says, "Ghost Zim, after the game we should grill out.  We need to stop by the Publix and pick up a box of burgers.  Shit...get Boxberger in the game, we need this to be done stat."  And Boxberger and his 1.87ERA, 0.79WHIP and 84Ks in 53 innings stroll in and throw laser beams from his eyes that cause batters to kneel before him and walk back to the dugout without even trying to swing.  I know none of that makes any sense, but I dont care.  It might be my favorite food last name since someone told Nick Bierbrodt (pronounced Beer-Brot) to stop showing up at a baseball field because, as it turned out, he was really terrible at baseball.  Hahn has been solid this year, but is up against an innings cap and will likely be used less and less as the season winds down.  For a team in the playoff hunt, less starts = bad idea.

SP Wily Peralta - $5 - KIODL - drop SP Shomo-zay Shmurnandez

This, kids, is what it looks like when a lefty throws a nastified
circle change.

This is the last of the DL purges from John...for this week.  Peralta has an impressive 15 wins on the season and has a legitimate shot to become only the 4th Brewer pitcher to win 20 games in a single season (Mike Caldwell won 22 in 1978, Jim Colburn won 20 in 1973 and Teddy Higuera won 20 in 1986...and anytime I can get Teddy Higuera into a post, you're damn right I am going to do it).  He has a solid 3.32 ERA, but despite his ridiculously good "stuff" only has 116 strikeouts in 157 innings and a WHIP of 1.28.  I think, in this case, the numbers are misleading and the "stuff" indicates that improvements in the WHIP and K stats are coming...it might not be til next year, but a guy who throws that hard and has that much movement will miss more bats eventually.  Now, I am not sure who this Shomo-zay Shmurnandez is, but he is on the DL and no one should ever want to pick him up again.  Like, I am pretty sure he will never pitch in the big leagues...not even as a ceremonial first pitch.  This is definitely not the player that, earlier in the year, I called the best pitcher in the NL not named Clayton Kershaw.  I dont know what you are talking about. Just trust me, dont try to bid on him.