Week 5 The PoohDLes

This weeks asshDLes are brought to you by the number 5 and the letter P, for poopholes as in Albert Poopholes.  Have you ever dislike someone for no real reason, even though that person seemed to be a genuinely decent human being, performed their job tasks at an amazingly efficient and successful rate and never really caused any trouble for anyone?  Meet me and Albert.  Pujols has never been in major trouble (other than Jack Clark being a douche nozzle), he is in the discussion for greatest right handed hitter of all time and probably has the greatest 10 year stretch to start a career of any type of handed hitter (hitters with one or no hands are graded on a different scale.  Jim Abbott is the clubhouse leader in this category; he retired with 2 career hits in 21 at bats and only struck out 10 times), and he openly talks about how amazing his wife and kids are.  My irrational dislike for him most likely stems from his unfortunate (and completely out of his control) association with the Evil Cardinals and my sworn blood oath to all enemys of the Cubs, foreign and domestic.  When his free agency was coming, you're damn right I spent a couple of hours thinking about what a Cubbie lineup would look like with a sure fire first ballot Hall of Famer sitting in that 3 hole, but I always felt kinda dirty about it...like I was cheating on the Cubs.  You would think, then, that when he told the people of St. Louis that he was thinking of taking a jackhammer to the Arch, but instead settled for a contract with the Angels for a eleventy billion dollars, that I would have come around to him.  I mean, he might as well have held the press conference in Anaheim sitting next to an Angels' jersey wearing Nelly with them performing a duet singing, "If you wanna go and take a ride wit me, smoke an L in the back of a Benzy, oh why must I feel this way? HEY, MUST BE THE MONEY!" It was a curb stomp, a charlie horse and a kick to the nuts all rolled into one.  But no, his complete disregard for feeling of the people of a city that I admittedly dislike made me like him less.  If someone who was the on-field face of the Cardinals and was so involved in charity work around the community could do this to his team (and it really was his team), then anyone could.  And it wasnt as though the Cardinals were telling him to leave or that they were offering him I took no small delight in his struggles last year (and again, I know my dislike is completely unfounded) and secretly hoped that he was coming to the end of his reign of terror and that poor Brad Lidge could finally try to exercise his demons (seriously, if you havent seen the bomb yet there is something wrong with you.  Fix it. If you have seen it, watch it again and remember, only you can prevent forest fires, and preditary behavior by hitters who may or may not be 4 years older than they admit and/or baseball crushing cyborgs from an alien race bent on taking over professional sports).  But he bounced back this year because that is what soul crushing monsters do.

I dont write this because Pujols got hurt this week.  That was a really long intro into another player that I not-so-irrationally dislike went down this week in a great (for entertainment purposes) way.  Bryce Harper (OF - Springfield Isotopes), the Lex Luthor to Mike Trout's Superman, tore ligaments in his thumb sliding into third base.  The injury required surgery (done 4/29) and he isnt expected to return to the lineup until early July at the soonest.  The injury would be impactful to any team, but it is especially so for a team that already has Josh Hamilton on the DL and doesnt seem to be paying any attention to the league anyways.  If there isnt movement on the roster this week, I will start the process of forcing a sale of the team to a bidder of my choosing.  Adam Silver isnt the only one with that kinda power.

A couple of other All Stars went on the DL this week, both injuring themselves on Sunday but not hitting the DL until Monday, when it was too late to get them out of the lineup.  Chris Davis (1b - Dusty's Nustys) strained his left oblique last Sunday and there is no time table for his return.  Davis left Dusty with a big fat goose egg this week in his match up with the BySs.  Looking ahead to next week, Dusty has a couple of options.  He can move Mike Napoli in to the slot or move Miguel Cabrera over with Nolan Arrenado sliding into the third base spot.  At least Dusty has eligible players at 1b on his bench. 

The Zach Attack suffered a minor set back this week with SP Anabel Sanchez finding his way to the DL after developing/popping a blister on his right middle finger during the third inning of a game on Sunday in Minnesota.  His loss also means that Zach was without someone in the SP slot for the week, though he didnt have anyone available to fill the slot with Clayton Kershaw and Mike Minor already riding the DL.  The good news for Zach is that Minor is set to start tonight and Kershaw has dominated his rehab assignments and is set to go on Monday, meaning a 2 start week is in the cards.

Finally, a pair of Cincinnati Reds round out the injury update for this week.  SP/RP Tony Cingrani (Les Moles) was forcibly placed on the DL 5/1 with mild shoulder tendinitis after he was removed from a game on 4/30.  He left Tom with a counting line of 4 inning pitched, 3 earned runs, 8 base runners and only a pair of strike outs.  He apparently wasnt pleased about being placed on the DL, telling Yahoo! that it was "Their (the Reds') call."  He will likely be back after the minimum 15 days.  For Tom, it is a significant injury as he will be forced to put Hector Santiago back into the lineup in Cingrani's place.

Last, and unfortuantely, least is Devin Mesoraco (C- MBHB).  I think I mentioned him the other day.  The short version...picked him up and dropped the other catcher on my roster, he got put on the DL and I couldnt change him out.  So the MBHB went without a catcher this week.  Moving forward, Mesoraco on the DL, meant I needed another C and I had to drop Kole Calhoun for Carlos (Chooch) Ruiz.  Glorious.  Mesoraco is not yet doing baseball activities, so it might be a couple more weeks before he comes off the DL (eligible May 11).


Rumor has it that there is some sort of contest starting tonight in a sport where large men wear skates and play with rubber in the cold.  Sounds interesting.  I actually received a call from one of the groomsmen from my wedding informing me that we were mortal enemies for the next 10 days and that he was going to teach his daughters that Blackhawks were evil.  I mean, really, who thinks a team is evil (other than the Cardinals, cuz they are basically Satan incarnet?)  I can't bring myself to really dislike the Wild.  They are like the unthreatening bunny rabbit sitting in the corner of the yard hoping not to get run over by the lawn mower.  My prediction: Hawks in 6, but it wouldnt surprise me if it ended in 5.