Week 9 waiver wire - Weird Roster Science

One day this runaway roster move train will settle down and make these waiver wire recaps quicker and easier to write.  Right?  Wont they?  Each week for the last 3 or 4 weeks I have expected that the early season tinkering would slow down and we would get into more established roster routines.  And each week I have been dead wrong.  This week might be our most active one yet, with 7 teams making a combined 11 moves, as we all search for that delicate balance between improving our squads and making changes just to make changes all while dealing with the on slaught (not Don Slaught) of injuries and the week to week fluctuations in player performance.  Sometimes, it all comes together perfectly and you get something like "Weird Science."  Sometimes it doesnt and you get "I, Frankenstein."
Quick side note before we get into the moves - With the perliferation of bad action remakes in theaters recently (Miami Vice, Dredd, RoboCop, and something that was supposed to be Total Recall-- and I've read they are commiting sacrelige by remaking the nearly perfect Patrick Swayze/Keannu Reeves flick Point Break), can we not get someone to look at the comedies?  A film like Weird Science almost begs to be updated.  The main plot of adolescent boys coming to terms with their transition to manhood and their introduction to girls by creating a perfect woman on the computer and then having that computer model come to life as a (bascially) super genie who then facilitates experiences that help turn them from boys into men is one that would play to any generation.  Get McLovin and that annoying Peta kid from the Hunger Games to be the two protagonists and some snarky Brit to be Lisa (my vote is for Kate Beckinsale) and BOOM theres your movie.

Anyways:
1b Victor Martinez - $6 - Huckleberries - Drop C Jarrod Saltalamacchia


Does it make you feel like less of a man to have a player who
wears this and doesnt bring a glove to games?

Salty's season has taken a decidely downward turn in recent weeks, moving him back towards career norms in virtually every rate stat.  With Price Fielder's injury, Kevin was in the market for a new 1b.  He could have done a lot worse than the current #22 overall player in the Yahoo game.  Martinez has seen a spike in his power numbers to levels not previously seen in his career, so some regression is likely, but this is a man who was born to hit baseballs.  I read that Martinez went 155 games, from the end of last season through the beginning of this season, without striking out.  I havent verified that, because I dont really care that much, but there are players (ahem**George Springer**ahem) that cant go 155 minutes without striking out.

SP Mark Buehrle - $5 - UCCMA - Drop 3b Trevor Plouffe

Mark Buehrle's reaction when he found out he was picked
up in an actual fantasy baseball league.

Buehrle is currently the MLB leader in wins with 9.  He is also amongst the league leaders in the "most times his name is spelled wrong" category.  He will likely continue to be amongst the leaders in one of those categories.  When a guy gives up about a hit an inning but only strikes out 4 batters in every 7 inning start (both are about his averages for the season) and plays in the AL East, winning 9 out of every 10 decisions is not a good long term bet.  Now, Buehrle is as durable as they come, recording over 200 innings in each of his 13 MLB seasons as a starter and he is the active career inning pitched leader (to put that in perspective, Felix Hernandez would need to average 200 innings a season for the next 10 seasons to catch Buerhle in innings pitched...and thats if Mark stopped pitching today), so he does have value.  But this isnt the Mark Buehrle that Uncle Jimmy and I remember from the early 00s ChiSox.

What might have been...

OF Michael Brantley - $5 - UCCMA - Drop OF Dexter Fowler
Michael Brantley is a 6 category stud who flies under the radar because he doesnt really do any one thing spectacularly well.  But a 306/374/510 slash line with 31 runs, 39 RBI and 8 stolen bases will play in any lineup.  By the end of the season, there will be more than 1 of us kicking ourselves about not going in on the former Brewer farmhand sooner.  Fowler is the Astros 3rd hitter.  That is not to say that Fowler is good, because he is a deeply flawed hitter who happens to be relatively fast, but that is the state of the Astros lineup right now.

C Salvador Perez - $4 - Zach Attack - Drop Awful Baseball Playing Gentleman Jedd Jerko
Say it with me Zach, "Jedd Jerko is dead to me."  It feels good to be rid of him doesnt it?  I dont actively hate pretty much anyone, definitely not people who I havent met and who have no impact on my day to day life, but if I did, I would hate Jedd Jerko.  Sal Perez was a buzzy pick before the season to followup on his breakout 2013 season.  He hasnt done it to date, but the talent and the opportunity are there (that sentence could be said about every member of the 2014 Kansas City Royals...Butler, Gordon, Hosmer, Moustakas...ok wait, I said talent?  Remove Moustakas), so he should bounce back nicely.  Besides, Zach is currently starting Mike Zunino and his 230/276/424 slash line...Perez cant be much of a downgrade.

SP/RP Drew Pomeranz - $3 - Huckleberries - Drop Baserunner Machine Jim Johnson
This is the second player that Kevin is dropping who he picked up only a week or 2 ago.  Johnson has looked cooked; hes been allowing a large number of baserunners, many of whom score, and not striking anyone out.  Those are not good attributes for a person whose job it is to keep people from scoring.  Pomeranz has been very good at getting people out as he transitions from the pen to the rotation.  He hasnt gone more than 5 innings in any of his 4 starts, but he hadnt given up a run until the most recent trip to the hill and his strikeout rate is hoovering around 1 per inning.  As he stretches out, he should stay useful despite the goofy duck wing thing he does with his glove hand every time he throws a pitch.  There really is something in the water in Oakland that everyone not named Jim Johnson beneftis from.

Yup. This exists.

SP/RP Wade Davis - $3 - Bob's AutoTrackers - No Drop
Normally a pitcher like Davis would get the "Project Mayhem" stamp and we would move on.  But, as someone who had an irrational affinity for Wade Davis back in 2010, and whose fantasy team was derailed by him in 2013, I have to pause and note a couple things. The first is Davis's .130 BA against, which, for those of you scoring at home is .177 points lower than last year.  The second is Davis's 40 Ks and 9 BB in 22 innings.  Thats nearly 2 Ks per inning and a walk every 7 or 8 outs.  Last year it was a K every 5 outs and a walk pretty much every other inning.  What the difference?  Davis is back in the pen this year.  I am pretty sure he eats KC Barbeque during the 4th inning of every game to get ready.  I'd prolly pitch better to if I got to do that.

RP Casey Janssen - $3 - Mark Baker Hitless Bastards - Drop 2b/3b/ss Jurickson Profar
Profar might be one of the top prospects in baseball, but he hasnt appeared on the field yet this year and may very well not get on one much before the beginning of September.  Siyonara Jerkison.  Janssen is fresh off the DL, but he has been one of the AL's top relievers over the past 3 seasons and has yet to allow a run in 9 appearances as the Blue Jays closer.

RP Jason Grilli - $3 - Huckleberries - Drop SP Zach Wheeler
Grilli is a member of Project Mayhem.  Wheeler is one of the Mets' top young arms, but he has struggled greatly this year after a promising debut last season.  There are better days ahead for Wheeler, but those days might not be in 2014.

2b Howie Kendrick - $2 - MWP Masters - No Drop
I love it when grown ass men have names like Howie.  There are only 3 that I can think of, Howie Mandel, Howie Long and Kendrick.  That is probably because in order to get through life as a Howie you need to either be really tough or somewhat batshit insane.  Kendrick is probably both.  He can also hit.  His .307 average this year is not far from his career .292 line, but he is walking more and attempting (and succeeding) more stolen bases this year than ever before.  He has already walked bearly as many times as last year and stolen more bases than last year in roughly 40% of the at bats.   With current 2b options Ben Zobrist and Jason Kipnis on the DL, John needs a warm body.  If that warm body can hit and run...all the better.


1b, 2b Daniel Murphy - $1 - Backyard Superstars - No Drop
Joey Votto's injury left a hole at 1b on the BySs roster.  Murphy should fill in more than adequately with there being no current time table on Votto's return.  Actually, Murphy has been better than Votto in a lot of ways this year and in a traditional 5x5 league, Murphy might be the better option so far.  Murphy will be an asset in each of the 6 categories, though his RBI and Run chances will likely be limited hitting second in an abysmal Mets lineup (40 year old Bobby Abreu, who didnt play at all in 2013 and was cut by a terrible Phillies team in Spring Training, has hit 5th in each of the last 3 games) he has been a decent producer in those areas as well as in SB (9) and the slash stats (313/361/433).

SP/RP Alfredo Simon - $1 - Backyard Superstars - Drop Tommy Hunter
Tommy Hunter is dinged up and on the DL.  He might not have his closer job to come back to when he is healthy, though his replacement Zach Britton blew a save against the Brew Crew last night.  Alfredo Simon is a terrible human being who shant be mentioned again in this blog.  We'll do this instead.