Week 7 Recaps

With 3 very tight matchups this week, one solid win and one "come out and get your whoopin, boy" matchup, I wasn't really sure where to start.  Who am I kidding? 

Mark Baker Hitless Bastards (44-36-4) 8
Backyard Superstars (43-35-6)              2
Tie                                                          2

The guy in the gear has the lower WHIP.  Who saw that coming?

Last Monday, Kyler wrote in the recaps: "Also, because of his rooting interest, the Bastards started Emilo Bonifocio who did more hurt to the team than good."  I am pretty sure that Emilio is yet another famous reader of the Tot Blog as he immediately went out a scored 5 runs...on Monday leaving him 1 short of the MLB record for most runs scored in a single game.  He may have only scored 1 more total run in the other 6 days of the week combined, but his 5 run Monday set the tone for the matchup.  For the Bastards, Brett Gardner's 370/469/704 week with 6 runs, 7 RBI and 3 SBs along with the finally producing George Springer's 318/464/545 led the offense.  Bonifacio's 5 run Monday wasn't the best day produced by a Hitless one this week as on Saturday Paul Goldschmidt (4 for 5, 5 R, 6 RBI) destroyed Clayton Kershaw's will to live and ended C Drew Butera's scoreless innings streak at 2. Fun note: Drew Butera has a lower season WHIP than Kershaw.  For BySs, Yasiel Puig attempted to single handedly keep his team in the matchup with 5 R, 10 RBI and and a 348/464/870 slash line.  If Joey Votto hadnt gone down early in the week, BySs likely easily wins RBIs, and probably comes close on OBP and SLG.  On the hill, MBHB posted 9 wins (highest total this season by a team) after only 1 as a team last week. Both teams got solid starting pitching (King Felix - 2 W, 12 K, 1.09 WHIP, Cole Hamels - 1 W, 10 K, 0.71 WHIP, and Garrett Richards - 1 W, 8 K, 0.71 WHIP for MBHB and Shelby Miller - 1 W, 7 K, 1.00 WHIP, Sonny Gray - 1 W, 9 K, 0.83 WHIP and Yu Darvish 11 K, 1.00 WHIP for BySS) but Kyler's boys were undone by their typically strong bullpen.  Both Fernando Rodney (10.80 ERA, 3.60 WHIP) and Tommy Hunter (36.00 ERA, 4.00 WHIP) failed to recored a save or a hold and both took blow torches their own team's chances and to Kyler's ratios and in Hunter's case, likely to his job as the Oriole's closer.


Dusty's Nustys (45-35-4) 8
MWI Masters (37-44-3)  4


In addition to being terrible at baseball this week
Cody Allen was on 147 episodes of Dr. Quinn
Medicine Woman.  He called himself "Chad".

So I meant MWI to mean Money, Weed and Injuries, but when I typed it all I could think was Motorboating While Intoxicated...and I dont mean actually driving a water vehicle.  And, come to think of it, John's team may have actually been drunk all week.  I cant think of another way to explain the complete incompetence of most of the upright members of John's team.  A-hDLer Ben Zobrist ( 100/100/100), Evan Gattis (133/235/333), Domonic Brown (150/190/450), Pedro Alvarez (167/286/167) and Tacoby Bellsbury (056/261/111) all came in sub Mendoza this week.  The only reason MWI as a team wasn't under .200 was the excellence of Freddie Freeman (400/500/750) and Yadier Molina (476/480/524).  For the Nustys, Miggy Cabrera chipped in a mere 10 RBI while hitting 458/481/792 and TuloGit's 375/474/750 slash line for the week actually brought his season numbers down.  AJ Pierzynski must have felt bad for Tacoby, as Pierzynski's .056/.056/.111 slash line was the only one of the week worse than Ellsbury's.  AJ's 1 for 18 week is almost unimagineably awful.  MWI won the ratio pitching stats on the strength of great outings by Kamakaze Tanaka (0.00 ERA, 0.44 WHIP) Johnny Cueto (0.00 ERA, 0.56 WHIP) and by starting 3 asshDLes (I am still weeping for Jose Fernandez) but couldnt keep up with the stat stuffing resurgence of Lil Timmy Lincecum (17 Ks) and solid starts from Francisco Liriano (7 K) and Phil Hughes (8 K) for Dusty.  RP Cody "The Tool Man" Allen put up the best pitching line of the week, 2/3 IP, 4 baserunners (6.00 WHIP), 3 ER (40.50 ERA).


Lester the Molester (29-52-3)  6
Zach Attack (39-41-4)             5
Tie                                            1

I used to semi like Josh Donaldson.  After seeing this hair cut, he's a d-bag.

Have you ever seen the movie Troy?  At the beginning(ish) of the movie, the Greeks (led by super dreamy Brad Pitt and his yet to be destroyed ankle) are invading Thessaly and the leaders decided to have their two greatest warriors fight to the death.  With the victory in that matchup, the winner gains victory in the war.  There was a bit of that going on in this matchup as it turned into a battle between David Ortiz (Zach) and old Cubbie farmhand Josh Donaldson (Les Moles).  Donaldson bettered the old Sawk in every one of the 6 hitting categories except stolen bases (R 9-5, RBI 10-6, SB 0-0, AVG .471-.435, OBP .571-.500, SLG 1.118 - 1.000), and verily Les Moles took the matchup.  It wasnt really because of the hitting because Andrew McCutchen (158/333158) and EY Jr (172/250/379) sucked it something hardcore, but its the principle that matters.  On the hill, the guy Kyler doesnt know, Dallas Keuchel (pronounced kike-l according to MLB the Show), through bagels for 9 innings at the Texas Rangers this week with 7 Ks.  The pitching story, however, was on Zach's side, where Homer Bailey (14.73 ERA, 2.45 WHIP) pitched like Homer Simpson and top priced pitcher in the Tot league, Clayton Kershaw (37.80 ERA, 4.80 WHIP), pitched like Marge. Yikes.


You Can Call Me Al (45-35-4)                               6
Merry Tyler's Moor Traveling All Stars (40-37-7) 5
Tie                                                                            1

Six pitching categories, 6 wins for Uncle Jimmy.  Six hitting categories, 5 wins for Tyler and 1 tie.

Scotty doen't know balls and strikes

For UCCMA, All Star Buster Posey (100/167/150) and Eric Hosmer (083/120/083...this is a major leaguer? WTF?) torpedoed any chance to win the hitting categories despite the best efforts of TMGS (417/481/708).  I spent the weekend trying to convince Jim to name his kid Warren Giancarlo regardless of gender and call him or her the Mighty Regulator (it works on so many levels).  I think I made headway with Jim, but I am now sure his wife is on board yet. For Tyler, Starling Marte (357/400/929) and Hunter Pence (387/387/645) helped overcome Kyle Seager's Bob Seager like .136/208/136.  This matchup provided an excellent comparision in the Miami outfield as Jimmy has TMGS and Tyler has Christian Yelich.  Stanton hit 417/481/708 to Yelich's 185/303/407, but Yelich scored 9 times to Stanton's 2 and Yelich knocked in 4 runs to Stanton's 3 RBI.  Yelich also stole 2 bases.  Playing in the same lineup, Yelich managed to out score and our RBI Stanton despite not reaching base or hitting at nearly the same level.  On the bump, Max Scherzer (7 K, 0.00 ERA, 1.17 WHIP), James Shields (2 W, 11 K, 1.07 WHIP) and Ubaldo Jimenez (14 K over 2 starts) led a strong starting pitcher performance for UCCMA, while the Atlanta contingent of Julio Teheran (10.80 ERA, 3.60 WHIP) and Ervin Santana (9.00 ERA, 2.20 WHIP) combine with Scotty Kazmir (6.75 ERA, 3.00 WHIP, 1 epic ejection after 5 outs) to destroy MTMTAS pitching hopes.