ass hDLes - Week 3

I was all set to do a nice big ass hDLes segment on OF Kole Calhoun (MBAS) because he was the only player in anyone's lineup who had hit the DL this week, and then Joe Kelly (LesMoles), an evil Cardinal, had to go and break hisself and hit the DL last night.  Actually, I am going to pretend that Kelly's injury didn't happen.  After all, he had pitched 4 innings, allowed 3 base runners and no earned runs, and he had struck out a pair of Ceveceros.  So…Joe Kelly…you don't even get to be an ass hDLe, you can have your own special circle of Cardinal hell.

As for Calhoun, he gets to have his own level of the Inferno.  Although he is a soulless ginger, I am sure that Kole Calhoun is a wonderful, special, nice, blah blah blah person in real life and he would totally save a puppy from a burning house and that he would let most cats rot in any tree they are stuck in (Uncle Jimmy's family cats are the lone exception to this), but he has basically been the fantasy baseball equivalent of Jeffery Dahmer. -- Quick tangent-- I saw on @Midnight the other day that the childhood home of good 'ole Jeff, where he murdered his first victim, is up for sale right now.  What completely sane person is moving into that place?  It's probably going to be Kole Calhoun's fantasy season so far. --End tangent--

Let's do a little review, shall we?  In week 1, Kold Calhoun finished with an awesome 160/160/320 3R 3RBI 1 SB line.  The runs and the RBI total were underwhelming but acceptable and the stolen base was helpful, but the slash line definitely contributed to the loss in the BA column.  Whatever, its only 1 week and I had picked up Brett Gardner during the week 1 additions, so I swapped the Kold One out for Gardner.  In week 2, Calhoun started playing better, hitting 240/344 and raising his season SLG% from .480 to .659.  He even added in 5 runs and a SB.  He was starting to be the player that many, including myself, expected him to be while hitting atop the fairly loaded Anaheim lineup.  So…back into the lineup he went for week 3.

Week 3?  He started 5 for 10 with 2 2Bs, a HR, scored 4 runs and knocked in a pair in 2 games.  Then…while running out a ground ball in the 11th inning go a game against Oakland, Calhoun hit the base wrong and fucked up a ligament in his ankle.  BOOM goes the dynamite and Calhoun is down for 4 to 6 weeks.  And ankle injuries linger. And one of the reasons to own Calhoun is his speed and his spot in the Angels's order, both of which are called into question.

Maybe I am being to hard on Kole, maybe I should remember that he hypothetically saves puppies and junk.  Maybe I should be placing the blame on Sean Dolittle and Sean Dolittle's beard.  They are the ones that blew the 2 run Oakland lead in the 9th inning of that game which allowed the whole Calhoun thing to happen in the 11th inning.

Either way, Calhoun and I are now fighting in the way that Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield will always be fighting.  You can't take a man's ear, or burn one of his fantasy baseball outfield spots for a week, and expect that not to linger.