For those of you at work, you might want to wait til you get home. Its not offensive or anything, but it might look strange if you are watching at work. And there are tons of them and they are addicting to watch. If you have never seen these before, I am sorry. We will see you in a week or so.
Now that you are back, I have decided to make my own little version of the AP top 25 poll that makes the college football season a little bit more interesting to pay attention to. Now, there won't be 25 items every week (or probably any week. There are only 10 teams for god's sake) and I might not count down in order and I might include numbers over 25. For those of you who don't know, my mind isnt all that linear and my counting abilities have proven unreliable past 4.
I created a super secret forumla for calculating the strength of each team. As you know, there can be some wild swings in performance during a sample size as small as 1 week, so the records of each team don't always reflect the actual strength of the team. Actually, you know what? I am feeling giving, so I will share the super secret forumla. I put all the teams into a roto table and assigned points to each team in each category then added them all together. YAY MATH!
WTF? Nick N. says Damn Right. |
#149 Springfield Isotopes - 47 points - So I thought the Isotopes were doing fairly well based on their 16-19-1 record and the fact that Jerad:The Galleria of Forgetfulness has been MIA. Then I ran the Matrix. Well...not the actual Matrix, there is no Matrix and there is no Neo. Just buy into the system you fleshcicle, nothing to see here. The Topes are last in R and K, second to last in RBI and ERA, third to last in W and ERA and 4th to last in QS. The only thing they are really doing well in is S+H and that is because everybody other than Tom and I are doing really well in S+H. We need to figure out what is going on with Jerad because every week that passes that he isnt trying to pick someone up makes it tougher to get someone to take his team.
#92 Jedd Jerko - 47.01 points - Still dead to me
#13a/13b - The Zach"k" Attach"k", Merry T's Moors - 51 points, 48 points - I couldn't separate them like their parents used to. I couldn't bring myself to make them fight over the 13th spot in the Goulet like they used to have to fight over the food in the kitchen, so I lumped them together. The Jonas brothers have very similar team scores, but are getting there in completely opposite ways. Zach"k" has an above average offense and an absolutely abmysmal pitching staff. The Attach"k"ed have the fewest W and QS and the highest WHIP against. The Moors are last in BA, OBP, SLG and RBI, but are in the top 4 in ERA, WHIP and S+H. If you put them together, there would be 1 complete awesome team (Merry T'Attack?) and one team (Zach"k" Moors?) that would rank below Adults using their first name and last name first initial in their email signature.
#11 You Can Call Me Al - 61 points - Despite being in the top 4 in R and RBI, none of the rest of Uncle Jimmy's team's stats are higher than 5th in their respective categories. I wrote in the preview that SS Jean Segura was the biggest potential overpay, but even I didnt think that he would be as bad as he has been. Segura currently has as many RBI as SBs, and hes not leading the league in SBs, so you know thats an issue. Luckily for Jimmy, he has the Mighty Giancarlo Stanton. Stanton has 27 RBI already...Tyler's team has 34.
him using pine tar the last time he threw, which was against the same team? And that team didnt say anything last time and got completely dominated? And then he threw against them again and thought, "Maybe no one will notice if I put it on my neck and then borderline strangle myself before each and every pitch? I bet I can break the rules and dominate them again and no one will say anything." This is some next level stupidity. Pineda should be suspended, not for cheating, but for being an absolute moron. Doctoring the ball has a lengthy tradition in baseball and the Red Sawks openly admitted after the first game that they would have rather had Pineda with a good grip on the ball than an iffy one. But you can't go out and dominate a team one game bending the rules and then try it against the same team a week later. Of course they are going to turn you in, the point of the game is to win. It'll be interesting to see how this affect Pineda. My guess is it won't much, but come October, if the Skankess are still in the playoff hunt, teams will be looking all over Pineda to see if theres something they can use to get him off the hill.
#9 Mark Baker All Stars - 69 points - Well then...Thats not a blow to the ego or anything. Here I am sitting in 4th place in the standings behind 3 teams that are legitly the best so far, and its entirely smoke and mirrors...and volume pitching. MBAS is in the bottom half of the league in every hitting caterogy, but thanks to the plethora of SP,RP guys, leads the league in W, K, and QS and is 3rd in ERA and WHIP. I have been preparing for my inevitable loss to Merry T's Moors this week since Tuesday morning. I know its coming, but that isnt going to make it hurt any less.
#8 Dusty's Nustys - 73 points - Dusty went with the top heavy offensive approach during the draft and it has paid off huge. The Nustys are leading the league in R, OBP and SLG, are second in RBI and 4th in BA. This offense is going to be unstoppable when Chris Davis and Wil Myers start hitting again...and that day is coming. The downside for Dusty is that his pitching kinda sorta sucks. He is
in the bottom half of the league in every caterogy other than S+H. It will be interesting to see if such an unbalanced team can be successful. or if a cold hitting streak submarines his season.
would be the one most able to convince you that he had no idea he was actually in a fantasy baseball league.
#6 LesMoles - 75 points - This one surprised the hell out of me. When you look at the standings you see Lester the Molester sitting in 10th place with a 7-27-2 record after 3 weeks. But a quick look under the hood shows that he has played the top 3 teams in the first 3 weeks. Tom's hitting has been excellent so far. LesMoles are in the top 5 in every hitting category other than SBs and they lead the league in RBI. Pitching, they are tied for the league lead in wins and tied for second in QS. Dont worry Tom, better times are coming.
Bob dancing because of his pitching staff's strong start |
#4 Backyard Superstars - 84 points - The BySs are struggling in the counting stat categories, being no better than 6th in R, RBI, SB, W, Ks, but they are dominating the rate stats. They are first in BA, and ERA, 3rd in OBP and SLG, first in S+H, and second in QS. Kyler's bullpen has been stellar with neither Koji Uehara or Rafael Soriano allowing a run yet this season.
#3 - MWP Masters - 96 points - John's team is most balanced in the league at this point in the season. He is in the top 3 in 9 of the 12 scoring categories and is no worse than 6th in any 1 category. He pitching has been unbelievable as Jose Fernandez is somehow topping his 2013 rookie season (47 Ks in 31 innings, WTF man) and Kamakaze Tanaka has been a combination of Hideo Nomo and vintage Greg Maddux. Offensively, Freddie Freeman is so far justifying his massive contract extension and Tacoby Bellsbury has been worth the hefty $50 price tag John paid for him. Right now, everything John is doing is turning up roses. Rumor has it he even has a new lady friend in his life.
#2 - We Get Tacos - all the points-1 - #1 forever and for always except right now. When I was talking with John about this last night, I told him that I was worried it wasnt going to come out quite the way I had envisioned it in my head because in my head it was glorious and I was concerned the execution wouldn't validate the idea. John told me, "If you give us all tacos, it will be good."
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