With a lot of free time on my hands I have decided to make
my glorious return to the blog since my abrupt end during the fantasy
football playoffs last December. For my first post of the baseball season I want
to point out some things I've noticed from the first two days of the season. So
without further ado baseball is back, and so am I…
Only the Marlins!
So, someone forgot to close the $100 million retractable
roof on opening day. You would think that people in Miami would realize that it
rains every day in Florida from March till June, yet somehow the guy(s)
responsible for closing the roof were caught off guard by the rain storm. This
has got to be one of the hardest things in the world to screw up. Just think
about it, all the maintenance crew had to do was look at a radar screen and say
“hey guys looks like it’s going to rain (obviously). We should probably close
the roof… you know because we can’t play baseball in the pouring rain.”
Instead, they decided it would be a good idea to test the weather and see if it
will miss the stadium. Stupidity level = 100. (This happened to the Brewers at
Miller Park a few years ago as well…not surprising)
Also from Miami, how bad was Mat Latos the other night!? He
allowed 7 runs in just 2/3 of an inning to a Braves lineup that features the
likes of Christian Christina Betancourt, Kelly Johnson, and Jace Peterson. You would've had a better chance convincing me those three were on the t.v. show Real Housewives of Atlanta rather than in the Braves lineup. Latos
now has a solid 94.50 ERA heading into his next start in case you were wondering.
Most ridiculous performance from Opening Day:
Kyle Fucking Kendrick. I thought the Brewers would actually
win their opening day game because they were facing this joke. I was wrong.
Kendrick went 7 innings giving up no runs and embarrassing Brewers players,
staff, fans, or anyone remotely associated with the team. The fact that
Kendrick was an opening day starter was laughable and the fact that the Brewers
struggled so bad against him is a terrible realization that the Brewers may be
headed for a long and difficult season. Kendrick put so much fear into
Ryan Braun that he left the game after only two at bats with “a rib issue” and
has yet to return in fear that Kyle the Great will destroy him. I’m imagining
Braun sitting in the corner of the clubhouse with tears in his eyes and curled
up in a ball, rocking back in forth repeating the words, “I’m an MVP. I’m an
MVP”
Favorite teams of the Tot Heads:
This will be really simple. The Brewers can’t score and they
can’t get stop the Rockies offense, which lead to them being swept. The Twins
can’t even score a run, which is kind of important in baseball. In fact, the
Twins have a combined 9 hits in the first two games of the season, while their opponent (who happens to be the Tigers) have scored 15 runs. To make matters
even worse for you Twins fans, Ervin Santana gets to stay home for half the
year because of his illegal substance suspension. I’m thinking that maybe he realized this
team was going to be terrible and decided “Hell I don’t want to be here. Oh I
know! I’ll get suspended so I don’t have to play for half the year.” He then
ran up and down the streets of Florida at the end of spring training trying to
find anybody who can test him for steroids till he finally found someone
willing to do it. I would like to think the first test came back negative and
he demanded they retake the test as many times as needed in order to get a positive
test.
Seattle is my new Colorado:
For the second year I have had the privilege of watching
some MLB Extra Innings package baseball with The Commish. If you recall, last year
this produced everything that is great about the Colorado Rockies home
broadcasts, which included the inspiration of “We Get Tacos” and the Mike Shaw's Subaru Super Slow-Mo Replay. This year my favorite team on Extra Innings is the
Seattle Mariners. For starter’s they are somehow sponsored by the state of
Alaska (or at least that’s what every replay tells me when the graphic just
says sponsored by Alaska). How do you get a random state to sponsor your
professional sports team? I’m hoping next year I will find out that the Oakland
A’s are sponsored by the state of Wyoming.
The other great thing I noticed about the Mariners’
broadcast was the great promo commercials, especially the one I have posted a
link to below. Being able to see the local commercials and team promos is one
of the most enjoyable things about Extra Innings and this one takes the cake.
