Week 8 Waivers- Twister

There's a scene in Twister (which I have seen more than any grown up, well adjusted male should because it is one of my wife's all time favorite movies) where the protagonist (Helen Hunt) and her somewhat non assertive ex/soon to be again/future re-ex husband (the guy who I always think is Bill Pullman but is really Bill Paxton) are trying to get their new fangled sciency device to fly up into a massive tornado so that they can be the first to get hard data from inside the cyclone.  They end up driving through a corn field in a pickup truck at like Mach 2 (I have walked through a corn field and I feel like the truck would eventually slow down because of the corn resistance, not barrel continue to barrel through it like it does in the movie, but what do I know...its not like I expect a movie in which the premise revolves on sciency stuff to actually adhere to the laws of science or anything), and hiding under rickety bridge as the largest tornado anyone in Iowa would have ever seen roars behind them.
Then, when they think that they have made it through the worst of it, the tornado decides to be one of those annoying as hell red turtle shells from Mario Cart and makes a direct right turn and chases the characters into some kind of well/pump house where they somehow manage to stay anchored to a pipe using a leather belt and a whole lot of grunting and angst.  But there is a moment where Paxton gives one of the all-time best "Oh Shit"/"You've got to be fucking kidding me" faces.  When Kyler asked me to handle the waivers for this week, I am pretty sure that I had a simliar face (though I would doubt that mine was even in the same ballpark).  I've managed to get this far without proving to all of you that my fantasy football knowledge is adequate, at best, and probably closer to "are you sure that you actually watch football on a regular basis?   Like, not the sport that Eurpoeans call football, but actual real live American football with helmets and everything?"  So, I'm gonna strap on the leather belt, grunt a bunch of times and hope that I dont get carried away by the F5 tornado that is this week's waiver wire transactions.  Hopefully we'll get through it together, and none of the people who happen to walk near me while I am doing this think that I am horribly constipated.


K Phil Dawson - Show Me Them TDs! - Drop RB Carlos Hyde

Eric Shelton's career was made up of 8 carries for 23 yards. But
at least he was drafted ahead of Frank Gore.  Whoops.

Anytime that you have the 13th ranked kicker in fantasy football, you should make sure that you keep him at all costs, even if he is on a bye and there really arent many people who would want to pick him up if you did drop him.  Such is life for Kyler with Mason Crosby.  Crosby is a perfectly fine kicker, but the difference between him and Dawson over the course of the year is pretty small.  The cost to keep Crosby and Dawson and create a fake kicker duel for the starting job was 9ers rookie Carlos Hyde. <<side note...I think that the fake kicker duel should be a real thing.  I am thinking that you get two people, their hands, a marker and a paper football.  Each person writes the name and number of the player they represent on the back of their hands, aka handjerseies, then have a contest to see who gets the start.  First one to make 10 kicks is in the lineup.  The other is banished to the emptiness of the waiver wire.  This needs to happen and it needs to be documented.>>  Hyde is a bowling ball of awesomeness that happens to be stuck behind the not as old as you think he is Frank Gore (RBs drafted before Gore in the 2005 draft - Ronnie Brown, Cedric Benson, Cadillac Williams, JJ Arrington, Eric Shelton.  Thats 4 guys who sucked it hard and Eric Shelton.  I have no idea who that is, and if you do, its likely because you actually are Eric Shelton living under an assumed name and trying to forget that you are Eric Shelton).  Were Hyde to get a chance with the Santa Clara 49ers first team offense, he would be a must start RB.  But bionic Frank Gore will likely still be taking carries when the rest of us are drinking out of straws and wearing diapers.

WR Andrew Hawkins - Team Mustangs - Drop WR Brian Quick
Poor Brian Quick.  Just as the Appalachian State product was starting to show what he could do with someone semi-competent at QB (Austin Davis 4eva!!!) he busted up his arm and shoulder and his season.  The injury left Team Mustangs (who may occasionally be refered to as Team Poontang once in a while...I cant keep all these Mustang teams straight...and really, there is only so much Rolling Meadows that my brain can take before it completely shuts off) really short at WR with Megatron hurt/bying and Alshon Jeffery and the Bears also off this week (can you believe there is not a single picture online of Alshon Jeffery playing mini-golf?  What is this world coming to?).  Hawkins has a pair of nice games in his last 2 and gets the poor Tampa pass defense this week and he plays my team this week.  I am pretty sure that means his floor is 100 yds and 2 TDs.  I just found this interview and Andrew Hawkins is now one of my favorite players ever.  I mean come on, how can you not love the I "watched Golden Girls every single day" during the offseason quote?  Andrew Hawkins for President.

K Steven Hauschka - Rolling Meadows Mustangs - Drop Houston Texans D
Defense for Kicker swap...aka Dicker Swap?  Judges?  Yes?  Done.

WR Brandon LaFell - Team Poontangs - Drop RB Matt Asiata
I am pretty sure that LaFell caught 28 passes for 297 yards and 7 TDs against the Bears last week (all numbers approximate) and he has Gronk drawing coverage and Mr Bundchen throwing passes his way.  All these go under the "I should probably pick that guy up" category.  Add that he is a 6'3" 215 pound monster  andis trying to bring back the 1990s flat top fade look and it makes me wonder why he was on the waiver wire to begin with.  As for the Asiata drop, in the words of my 3 year old daughter, "Yeah, Duh."



QB Ben Roethlisberger - Bagdad Baaaaahmers - Drop QB Ryan Tannehill
We've all see the highlights and read the write ups on Big Ben's Big Day Out (we even had our own little Ben Therapist Session the other day), so I get why he was an immediate pick up.  I mean, I am on the blog record saying that he is Canton-bound when his career is over...and its far far from over.  That said, I'm not sure I feel great about starting him (quick check, Rivers is starting), but if you need a one week bye starter, Roethlisberger is one that always has a chance to throw up 350 and 3 TDs, which doesnt always come on the waiver wire.  Tannehill has been predictible, but solidly mediocre, never throwing for more than 277 yards or more than 2 TDs, but he has thrown for 178 yards or more in every game and has thrown at least 1 TD in every contest.  Again, not the type of numbers that usually are found on the waiver wire.  It wouldnt surprise me to see Tannehill scooped up fairly quickly with the byes continuing.

Bengals Defense - Bagdad Baaaaaahmers - Drop Dolphins D
Dear Miami Dolphins-
Thanks for the multiple TAINTs, they felt great, but I'm chasing Blake Bortles.
Sincerely,
Ben Wallace's brother Josh

K Cody Parkey - I'm Murray's Balls - Drop RB CJ Spiller
John turned Terrance Williams into a bye week kicker...he lucked into that kicker being Parkey, the 6th highest scoring K on the season.  By dumping the IR'ed Spiller, he did manage to hang on to his old kicker, Matt Bryant.  Bryant is the 20th overall kicker and he has just 2 weeks of 10+ point scoring on the year.  For comparison, Parkey has just 1 week with less than 10 points.  I understand dropping Spiller for a player who is in the Upright Citizens Brigade, I just dont get why John wouldnt do a kicker swap and chase a player with more production potential for Spiller's spot.

TE Dwayne Allen - Rolling Meadows Mustangs - Drop WR Cecil Shorts III
I am actually a fan of The Third, he just has the misfortune of playing with a still-figuring-it-out Blake Bortles (I am pretty sure that he will figure it out eventually and be more of a Drew Bledsoe type than go full on David Klingler or David Carr) so he is terrible inconsistent and completely untrustable in fantasy football (the only trustable Bortles receiver is one wearing the colors of the opposition).  Allen is a TD dependant TE, who happens to be very good at scoring TDs.  He hasnt topped 65 yards in any game this season, but he has scored TDs in 6 of the 8 games he has played in.  In a way, he is the exact opposite of Shorts.  Whereas Short's QB's inexperience has turned him from a very productive player to a inconsistent one, Allen's QB is so talented that he has turned a mediocre player into a very consistent and productive one.  Long live the neck beard society of Andrew Luck and Kyle Orton.

Minnesota Vikings D - Blounts and Fortes - No Drop
Tom knew I was doing this entry this week, right?  I mean, I'm being punked, yes?  Where's Ashton?

RB Knile Davis - Multiple Scoregasms - Drop WR Mike Evans
If Jamaal Charles ever goes down with an injury, Knile Davis has the talent to perform so well that there will be 102837 babies named Knile in the KC area within 10 months of Charles going down.  his talent is that good.  Unfortunately, until Charles leaves KC (and the people of KC riot and burn that motherfucker to the ground) or is hurt for an extend period of time, Davis is only going to be useful in blowouts (which are impossible to predict unless a Jaguar is involved) or when he vultures a TD (also very difficult to predict).   Evans is suffering from the same plague that Shorts is suffering from, terrible and inconsistent play from the QB position.  Evans has shown flashes of brilliance and would likely rival Kelvin Benjamin for second best rookie WR (Sammy Watkins has the top spot on reserve) if he could get Joike McColennon to stop sucking at football.  In this swap, Davis's problems are much more easily fixed than those of Evans.

KC Chiefs D - Multiple Scoregasms - Drop Buffalo D
The wagons have stopped circling, and the Berman will never stop crying.

TE Larry Donnell - Me and Julio - Drop TE Charles Clay
Someday I will find myself a forever TE.  That day is probably not today.  Clay had a good game against the Bears a coupld of weeks ago, but after watching what a good TE did against them last week, Clay's performance looked like it came from a guy who cant get anything going against a team that has a functional pass coverage MLB and a safety who wouldnt get torched in a Pop Warner game (the Bears currently have neither of these things).  Donnell has had some ups and downs and he loses the football so often that I am pretty sure that he puts crisco on his gloves instead of tack, but he is a big athletic guy on a team that doesnt have very many big athletic guys (or little athletic guys with Victor Cruz and Rashad Jennings out of the lineup).  Really, the Giants passing offense is down to Donnell, Ruben Randle and Odell Beckham JR.  With the way my TEs have been performing, those odds are better than what I have been getting.

Week 8 Recaps: We're All Witnesses To History

This week saw one record get broken, another record tied, and some very odd final scores. When I looked at the finals this morning, two things caught my eyes. The first thing is that in each game the winning team scored over 100 points and the losing team only scored in the double digits. The even more odd statistical point from this weeks matchups was that the losing teams either had one of two final scores, 76 or 88 (three teams scored 76 points and the other two scored 88). I should point out that only once (in week 12) had two of the losing teams had the same score, but this week was just weird. Anyways, on to the recaps of a high scoring week for the winners.

Baghdad Bombers 155
Smokin Blounts N Drinkin FORTEs 88

Im sorry, but you had no chance this week Tom

Its a new record!! Josh set the new single week points record at 155 this week, breaking his own record of 148 set back in week 13 of 2011 against Zach's Rolling Meadows Mustangs. Josh absolutely killed it this week thanks to 30 or more point outings from Gronk and Emmanuel Sanders, to go with 28 from the Dolphins defense, 23 from Jamaal Charles, and 19 from Phillip Rivers. Those five players alone raked up 132 points! The rest of his team was average but who fucking cares, he practically doubled his score from last year. Looking at the ruins of Tom's team after this beatdown, he did have four players score in double digits and overall didn't have a bad score (last week 88 would have won three of the matchups). However, this week was way different as he lost by 67 points. I can't even say Tom should have played certain players or that he had bad games from certain guys because it wouldn't have mattered. There was absolutely no matching the Bombers this week. Here's the fun part, if Josh would've started Kennan Allen over Doug Baldwin and Denard Robinson over Doug Martin, he would have had a total of 171 points. Yahtzee! Overall, the Bombers took advantage of their opportunity to get back to .500 on the year and remain tied for that 4th and final playoff spot. On the other hand, Smokin Blounts N Drinkin FORTEs missed their opportunity and now finds themselves in last place in the West division.

Rolling Meadows Mustangs 110
Teams Mustangs 76

This was easily the feature game of the week. Not only was it the one and only regular season rematch of last years championship game, but it was also a duel of twins with the two best records in the league so far this year. T had a chance to end the undefeated start to the season for his brother but he couldn't get it done. Zach improved to 8-0, tied for the best start to a season in the league (Team Bashaw 8-0 in 2011). Zach will look to break the record next week against...drum roll please...me. Fuck! The only chance I will have to beat him is if he doesn't switch out his bye players, but I know he will. Getting back on topic, this week's win for Zach was thanks to three players, Andrew Luck (26), Sammy Watkins (21), and Arian Foster (35). Other than that his team ranged from average to awful. For his brother T, there were only a couple of decent performances and he was really hurt by Romo's injury last night. He also had a nice big 0 from Torrey Smith. Surprisingly enough, when looking at the benches, T could've won this game if he made two changes. If he started Drew Brees over Tony Romo and Mark Ingram over Torrey Smith in the flex he would've won 111-110. Both of those moves don't seem far fetched but they obviously didn't seem to make sense when T was setting his lineup. Zach had terrible bench performances outside of the Seahawks D/ST 11 points. I already talked about Zach's game next week, so looking at T's Mustangs game, he's playing MeAndJulioDown ByTheSchoolYard next week. T needs to win because if he doesn't and a few other game fall a certain way, he could be outside of the 4 playoff spots by the end of next week.

I'm Ball Murray 118
Multiple Scoregasms 88

I said last week that if John won and got some help he could take over 2nd place in the league and first in the West division. That's exactly what happened. Thanks to T's loss, I'm Ball Murray overtook his spot (they are actually tied but John has the tie breaker). First of all, I would like to personally thank John for beating Jason which keeps me out of the cellar of the league for another week. Looking at the game, John had five big performances including a 30 point day from Jeremy Maclin. Jason had four solid performances but nothing that could come close to matching Maclin and he also was forced to start Andy Dalton which will damn Jason for eternity. The problems for Jason were that he was outscored 17-1 at the tight end position and 42-25 at receiver. These were by far the biggest differential of any position battles in this matchup and were just too much to overcome. On the benches, outside of Nick Foles' 21 point performance for John, neither team had any backups who had good games. Looking ahead, Multiple Scoregasms has a matchup with Josh and his incredibly high scoring machine next week. Where as John has an important matchup against the 4-4 Wisconsin ArcticCats who sit one game behind I'm Ball Murray in the West division.

Wisconsin ArcticCats 128
Show Me Them TD's 76

I lost again. This is becoming a bad theme. I have now lost four straight after starting out 2-2. Gunnar on the other hand is back to 4-4 thanks to his current two game winning streak. This past weekend, he put the beatdown on my team thanks to the fact that he had 7 of his nine players score in double digits. Even the two that didn't score in double digits put up 6 (Marshawn Lynch) and 9 points (Panthers D/ST). Despite making the right choice to start Carson Palmer for the first time this week, my team didn't stand a chance. The biggest disappointment for my team was that my three receivers and tight end combined to score only 13 points, where as the ArtcicCats two receivers and tight end scored a total of 60 points. This was obviously where I lost the game. I decided to bench Jimmy Graham and he ended up having a good game, but it wouldn't have helped me close in on Gunnar much and I didn't want to cheer for Graham against the Packers Sunday night. The ArcticCats actually had three more double digit performances on his bench, including a 24 point day from Aaron Rodgers, which I still don't understand why he is on the bench. Next week, Gunnar plays John in the important game that I mentioned in the last post and I play Zach's undefeated Mustangs which I previously mentioned as well. I'm just hoping that throughout the rest of the season I can find a way to stay out of last place in the league however possible.

Kalamazoo Red Hawks 106
MeAndJulioDown ByTheSchoolYard 76

In a battle of 3-4 teams, Chris was able to climb back to .500 on the season. This really irritates me because I am almost certain Chris isn't paying attention to his team and yet he has four wins. Meanwhile, I am doing everything I can to make my team better and I only have 2 wins. Nevertheless, Chris is now tied for that fourth and final playoff spot. In this game, the Red Hawks got a big game from the old man who apparently still has it, Larry Fitzgerald (22). He got a few other nice performances from Peyton Manning (23) and Justin Tucker (15). Louie's team was Tom Brady's big game and a wasteland of other performances (ok Demaryius Thomas put up 10 but you get my point). He got a big goose egg from Charles Clay, who he just picked up this week because he played the Jaguars. The guy he got rid of, Jace Amaro, scored 5 points this weekend, not that it would've helped Louie that much this week. Keeping in theme with not being able to help Louie much, his bench had nobody that would have made any significant difference in the outcome of this game. The Red Hawks bench STILL HAS RAY RICE ON IT...ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! I'm going to make a big deal out of this every time until Chris drops him, which he probably won't do. With the lose, Louie is on the verge of being eliminated from division winning contention (holy shit! Jason and I are already eliminated). Louie would have to win every game the rest of the way and Zach would have to lose every game just for those two teams to have the same record at the end of the year. Next week, MeAndJulioDown ByTheSchoolYard plays T's Mustangs which would be a huge win if Louie can find a way to pull it out. The Red Hawks on the other hand has a chance to move above .500 against Tom, but Chris has a tight end on bye and probably won't switch him out (Tom is favored by 27).

Weekend Review: Big Ben Loves TD's

Well Then!

This week was filled with great quarterback performances. In fact, it was the first weekend in NFL history that four quarterbacks threw for more than 400 yards (Roethlisberger, Rodgers, Foles, Luck). The crazy thing about that stat is that three of those four quarterbacks were on the losing side of the game. The one that wasn't, Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben had one of the best games for a quarterback in the history of the league, throwing for 522 yards and 6 touchdowns agaisnt the Colts. This is the second time he has thrown for more than 500 yards in his career, which has never happened before. The more important question that this brings up is whether or not Big Ben is a Hall of Famer. Even though he presumably still has quite a few years left, I wanted to take a look at Big Ben's career so far. Since being picked 11th overall by the Steelers back in 2004, he has lead the team to three Super Bowls, winning two of them, with a 10-4 career postseason record and a 110-56 regular season record (which is a winning percentage of 67%, ranking 4th among active players behind only Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and Drew Brees). Roethlisberger also has thrown 229 touchdowns so far in his career and he still has plenty time to rack up more. The biggest knocks on Big Ben are the allegations he faced off the field (twice) and on the field, the fact that for both of those Super Bowl championships the defense carried that team. I think he still has to prove more on the field, or atleast prove that he can carry that team to the playoffs when the defense isn't very good (so now). Also, he has to stay out of trouble off the field, he already has a bad enough public image, if something else happens he's going to be public enemy number one. Imagine if the allegations he faced were brought forward this year rather than when they were, he would be perceived to be even worse of a person than people think he is now. In the end, he probably makes the Hall after being on the ballot for multiple years, but the problem is, in this age of the passing game and star quarterbacks, what quarterback won't be?

On to a few other things that happened this weekend before I hit my favorite part of the post. First, JJ Watt destroyed Zack Mettenberger physically, emotionally, and in just about every other way possible. Apparently Mettenberger was taking "selfies" before the game and throughout the week, so when Watt sacked him he, of coarse, pretended to take a selfie. The best part of this was after the game when he pretty much told Mettenberger that he isn't a teenager anymore and he needs to put his big boy pants on if he wants to make it in this league. I have stated before that I am biased when it comes to topics involving J.J. Watt because he played for the Badgers, but what he did yesterday was awesome. It's nice to see a player actually understand how incredible the opportunity is to play in the NFL and to make the most of it each and every weekend. There are a lot of players doing stupid things off the field practically asking to ruin their own careers. They could take some lessons from Watt because I guarantee you his name isn't going to come up in any scandal.

Stanton tries so hard

Hey the Browns won! That's all I'm saying because if I talk about them anymore they will lose like they did last week. Another team that has been somewhat of a surprise this year got a huge win this weekend as well. The Arizona Cardinals improved to 6-1 on the season after beating the Eagles, a team I thought would crush the Cards. Many people said before the season that this Cardinals team was good, but after all the injury issues early in the year, it's hard to believe that this team has exceeded expectations. Hell, they had to use 3 different quarterbacks in four games (one of which was called a Drew Stanton, yuck). The Cardinals will enter week 9 of the season two games up on the 49ers and Seahawks, you know the teams that played in the NFC championship last year. That just proves how great of a start the Cards have gotten off to. They still have to play Seattle twice and at San Fransisco so they are in no way running away with this division, but they will sure be in the conversation for division champs and maybe even for a number 1 seed.

Who is he throwing to??

Now to the fun part, the weekly look at the NFC North. This week, however, is not so fun to look at for me personally. Starting at the top, the Lions pulled off a crazy comeback win in London Sunday Morning. First of all, it was awesome to wake up and have football on. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. When I turned the game on, the Falcons were dominating cruising out to a 21-0 lead. Unfortunately, the Falcons remembered they suck and ended up choking the game away thanks to some terrible mistakes, including one of the worst interceptions you will ever see. The game also was seen as a big success by the NFL as they have now announced that there will be 5 games in London next year. It's only a matter of time before there is a team over there. The next stop in the division was in New Orleans where the Packers ran out of gas in the second half. I had a bad feeling about this game going in and all my worst nightmares came true. Brees was on fire, Jimmy Graham had a solid game, Mark Ingram ran all over the Packers defense, and the Packers had a couple tipped passes unfortunately land in Saints' defenders arms. The Packers had some questionable play calling throughout the game that put them in some tough spots, but what really changed the game was the turnovers. After the first turnover, the Pack still had a chance for a comeback, but Davonte Adams mistakenly read the coverage wrong and stopped his route (never a good idea) which lead to the ball being thrown where he was supposed to be and not where he was. The ball ended up tipped and picked and that ended all hopes of a comeback. As Louie pointed out to me in an email today, we now live in a world where the Detroit Lions are in sole possession of 1st place in the NFC North. That's a scary thought isn't it? Now on to the bottom two teams who are tied for 3rd place in the division. Chicago, who was coming off an awful lose to Miami at home, got throttled in New England thanks to a 2nd quarter burst by the Patriots, not to mention they got Gronked. Tom Brady easy picked apart the Bears defense to the toon of 5 touchdowns (Gronk caught 3) while the Bears offense struggled to move the ball. As I've said before, this Bears team has a lot of talent around Jay Cutler but they still lose. In two weeks they play the Packers at Lambeau, If they lose they can kiss their season goodbye because at 3-6 they would have to win out just to have a shot at a wild card. Down in Tampa Bay, the Vikings got an interesting win over the Bucs. It felt like the Vikings were the better team for about 3 quarters but Teddy Bridgewater couldn't hit his open receivers. When the Bucs did come back in the 4th I thought they would hold on, but I forgot they only have one win this year for a reason. Even in overtime I figured they would go down and score but Anthony Barr made a play to win the game. This was a game the Vikings needed to win since they were playing one of the few teams in the league that are worse than they are. Teddy Bridgewater still has a lot of growing to do and it showed on Sunday. Looking forward to this weekend, the Vikings have another winnable game against the Redskins at home so it will be interesting to see if they can continue the momentum from this weeks win and take over sole possession of 3rd place in the division. After this week, though, they only have one game that looks winnable (week 14 vs. Jets) so they will most likely lose that spot by the end of the year. Overall, that game against the Redskins is the only game of the week for the NFC North this coming Sunday, everyone else is on bye. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life, but I do know this, bye weeks really suck.

Tater Tot Awards for Fantasy Baseball Playing Gentlemen and the Players Whom They Own... But Not Like That

Awards, I think that every major site that does fantasy baseball has some.  Hell, some sites (like my personal favorite, Grantland) dont even do fantasy baseball and they still have awards (Grantland does do fantasy reality tv and used to have the single greatest creation of fantasy sports of any kind, the Bad Quarterback League ... thats a link...click it...we can wait).  Obviously, as the most majorist of the major sites, we need our own awards.  In the vein of the Derek Zoolander Center for Children Who Cant't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too, here are the Tater Tot Awards for Fantasy Baseball Playing Gentlemen and the Players Whom They Own... But Not Like That.  And I promise, ours will be at least three times bigger than this.  If you dont know things about the people whom the awards are named after, then may god have mercy on your soul.

Bump Bailey Award (Bone Thugs MVP) - Michael Brantley - UCCMA
Brantley was a $5 waiver wire pick up in week 9 of this season.   Read that sentence again.  Here is what I wrote at the time: "Michael Brantley is a 6 category stud who flies under the radar because he doesnt really do any one thing spectacularly well. But a 306/374/510 slash line with 31 runs, 39 RBI and 8 stolen bases will play in any lineup. By the end of the season, there will be more than 1 of us kicking ourselves about not going in on the former Brewer farmhand sooner."  As it turns out, he was better than anyone could have expected, hitting 338/392/506 with 58 runs, 57 RBI and 15 stolen bases over 399 at bats in Uncle Jimmy's lineup.  It is unfortunate that he isnt going to garner any real life support for the MVP (for the record, I dont think that he should win it, but he should at least be in the conversation).  Brantley has been toying with this kind of breakout for the past couple of seasons and in his age 27 season finally put it all together.

Henry Rowengartner Award (Bone Thugs Pitcher of the Year) - Felix Hernandez - MBHB
Sometimes I feel bad for Felix.  Well, not really bad, because he is a 28 year old superstar with many many many millions of dollars, a borderline Hall of Fame resume, the nickname "King" and an entire group of fans who call themselves "The King's Court."  But he has spent his entire career (and will likely spend his entire career...damn those Yankees!) playing for a terrible Seattle Mariner team.  Being in Seattle (and the AL West), the majority of his games start well after the East Coast Media Machine has gone into sleep mode, meaning that the casual fan catches his starts only in truncated, highlight form.  That is a hugely depressing thought, as Felix has developed himself into nothing short of a pitching Canaletto.  His precision and ability to make his pitches look identical to the hitter until the last possible moment would render him the greatest pitcher in many a generation. The highlight shows dont do his genius justice.  King Felix is best enjoyed as a full meal, not as tappas (which kinda of creep me out if we are being totally honest).  Unfortunately, he has the misfortune to pitch at the same time that another talented baseball throwing gentleman is doing some very mean things to completely suspecting batters.

Jake Taylor Award (Harmony MVP) - Andrew McCutchen - Les Moles
Usually I dont like the whole "MVP is the best player on the team that wins things" notion of the MVP, but in this case, its apt.  Coming into the season, pretty much everyone expected the dreadlocked Pirate to be one of the most important fantasy assets in the league and he did not disappoint.  The reigning NL MVP (who has pretty much no chance of winning the actual 2014 NL MVP because the Pirates werent the feel good story of this year the way they were last season) was one of two full time players in 2014 who finished the season with Escalator Club numbers for the season (314/410/542) adding in 89 runs, 83 RBIs and 18 stolen bases.  I searched high and low for a picture of Cutch dressed as Capt. Jack Sparrow, but I am not sure one exists.  I cant be the only one who thinks that he would be a perfect fit in Pirates of the Allegheny (UPDATE!!! I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE...there is at least one other person in the world who has an overactive imagination and a little time on his or her hands). 

Steve Nebraska Award (Harmony Pitcher of the Year) - Clayton Kershaw - ZAttack
This is the baseball throwing gentleman that King Felix is chasing...with very little hope of ever catching up.  Kershaw finished the season with 21 wins against 3 losses, a 1.77 ERA (the lowest since Pedro in 2000 and Maddux in 1995 were doing their things) with a 0.86 WHIP and 239 strikeouts in 198 innings...and he missed THE ENTIRE MONTH OF APRIL.  He gave up more than 3 runs in a start once, a completely inexplainable 7 run over 1 2/3 innings drubbing at the hands of the mighty Arizona DBacks back in May (he actually had a bit of a rough run through the end of May).  But once the calendar hit June, Kershaw dominated.  From June 1 through the end of the season, he started 21 games, going 18-1 while allowing a total of 25 earned runs.  This included a 4 start stretch in which he pitched 32  innings allowing only total 17 baserunners...runs?  who gives up runs?  Fuck runs?  Listen to this guy and his "how many runs did he give up?"  I am not sure what happens to Clayton when the words "Postseason" are uttered, but I think that NL teams need to start coming up with ways to make Kershaw think that a game in the middle of May is Game 1 of the NLDS.  Otherwise, the Steve Nebraska Award might as well set up permanent residence in th still just 26 year old pitcher's living room.  <<Quick aside -- I was looking at Kershaw's career stats and it dawned on me just how difficult winning 300 games in the Bigs is.  Kershaw is 26, has been in the best pitcher in MLB discussion for at least the last 4 years (meaning, starting when he was 23).  He has started 211 Big League games through his first 7 years (30 starts per season), has a 2.48 career ERA and a 1.05 career WHIP, has struck out nearly 7 batters per start (not per 9 innings, PER START) and he has 98 wins.  Basically, he would need to pitch for 15 more years at the same pace to reach 300 wins.  Read that sentence again.  The best pitcher on the planet would need to continue to be the best pitcher on the planet for 15 more years to realistically reach 300 wins.  And the craziest part is that he is probably the only pitcher currently playing who has any chance whatsoever to reach that milestone.  That makes you (or me, I guess) really appreciate the unbelievable excellence and longevity of guys like Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine and marvel at the chemical enchancement that Roger Clemens was able to cook up.

Jimmy Dugan Award (Manager of the Year) - Tom - Les Moles
It's easy to give the Manager of the Year award to the team that won the Crispy Crown (and Tom, dont worry I am still going to get the bag of Crispy Crowns to you, we just need to figure out a time and place for the glorious ceremony), but really, there was no one better this year.  Tom had a 9th place team nearly halfway through the season, then went on an incredible run that lasted through the Crispy Series.  Every week, there seemed to be a guy that was playing well that Tom took out of his lineup or a guy who was struggling who had been benched but was then started, and almost all of them worked out.  I mean...Dallas Keuchel?  Are you fucking kidding me?  I really should have just written "Dallas Keuchel" and been done with this section.

Icky Woods Award (Unexpected Greatness) - Corey Kluber - MTMTAS
Gonna git some cold cuts!  There are literally like 6 things in the entire world that can make me happier in a shorter time period than the Icky Woods commercial or the Icky Shuffle (if it is someone other than Icky doing the shuffle, like say Jeremy Hill, then 13 things make me happier faster). One of the things much lower on the list is watching athletes make "The Leap" and realize potential that even they didnt know they had.  And Corey Kluber made that Leap this season, and did so with all the excitement and exuberence of someone who was receiving a root canal while dropping a big steaming dookie on Carlos Santana's chest.  Going into the season, there was little reason to believe that the 6'4" 215 pound right hander was going to be more than a caddy to the Indians much more hyped prospect Danny Salazar.  For the first month of the season, both Kluber and Salazar struggled (Salazar was sent down and commited second degree unintentional homicide on about 9372729 fantasy teams in the process...you thought I was going to say he actually killed someone didnt you?  Hes not Alfredo Simon.).  But Kluber turned it around in May, putting together 6 quality starts in 6 turns and never striking out fewer than 8 batters (he struck out 60 in the month).  That set the table for a season that ended with 5 straight quality starts featuring 54 punch outs.  Bought for a pittance in almost every league (he was a $1 waiver pick up in ours), he returned one of the single largest profits of any player at any position.

Iceman Val Kilmer Award (Pickup of the Year) - 1b Victor Martinez - Huckleberries - $6 in week 9
I am pretty sure that Kevin had this conversation with a baseball card featuring Victor Martinez the day that he picked him up: “You’re everyone’s problem. That’s because every time you go upto the plate, you’re unsafe. I don’t like you because you’re dangerous.”  Then VMart was one of two players to put up Escalator Club numbers for the season (335/409/565), hit 32 homers and struck out only 42 times, and led the league in OPS.  At the end of the season, that conversation had turned into -"You can be my wingman anytime."  Now they are inseperable, Kevin and that Victor Martinez baseball card.






Icarus Award (High Acheivement, Then Crash) - SS Troy Tulowitzki - Dust Bunnies
Icarus is one of my favorite of the Greek myths.  Icarus and his father Daedalus were trapped in the labyrinth on the island of Crete.  Daedalus, being a clever inventor, created 2 sets of wings to help them escape.  Before taking off, Icarus is warned not to fly too close to the sea (for fear of the dampness weighing his wax wings down) or too close to the sun (for fear of the wax wings melting).  Icarus ignores his fathers advice, flies too close to the sun and drowns when his wings melt and he falls into the sea. Greek myths are always so uplifting.  Tulo started the season putting up numbers (340/432/603)that would fit favorably next to any Hall of Famer not named Babe Ruth and garnering some serious MVP buzz while playing for a better than expected Rockies team, then was injured and didnt play another game after July 19th and the Rocks fell apart.  He did, however managed to get himself caught up in all types of media attention...and not the good kind.  He showed up at Yankee Stadium (to watch Jetes and torture the entire state of Colorado into a legal weed enduced frenzy...who am I kidding, the entire state is always in a legal weed enduced frenzy) looking like a frat brosef who was all about being DTF, throwing ragers and making sure that his fauxhawk was perfectly manicured (this sentence pains me to write, because I genuinely like Troy Tulowitzki the baseball player.  I think that I would absolutely dispise Troy Tulowitxki the human being).  Anyways, for going from sure fire MVP finalist to complete and utter douche bag in the span of time it took him to make that hair decision, Tulo gets the Icarus.

Jhonathan Solano Award (Worst Player won at auction) - C Jhonatan Solano - Dust Bunnies

Why do you think Dusty drafted you?

This is actually my favorite award and I cannot wait to give it out to Dusty every single season.  It seemed fitting to name the award after the first recipient because he is the epitome of everything that is awesome about people who are employed by a MLB team but dont actually play for said MLB team.  Solano was not on the Nationals roster for a single game this year and, after 2013's 146/180/188 slash line, he really was never a threat to be.  The second best part of this "selection" was that Dusty nominated him as the 18th player in the entire auction, meaning that he somehow had to find Solano in the massive list of available players when he put him up for bid.  The best part about this is that Dusty could have drafted anyone in the world, from himself to Monica Lewinsky to MC Hammer or Helen Keller and he would have gotten the exact same value that he got from Jhonathan Solano.  I guess the same could be said about my Matt Harvey selection (he was out for the entire season with an injury), but, turns out, Matt Harvey is good at baseball and will be back in the Bigs in 2015...Solano will be lucky not to be bagging groceries in his hometown of Barranquilla, Colombia.

Ned Yost Award (Curious Managerial Decisions) - Dusty - Dust Bunnies

unless its Dusty

It feels weird to name a bad manager decision award after the guy who has his team in the World Series, but I really think that Yost lucked into the best bullpen in the last 25 years.  His best moves this season have been to follow the same script and not make too many game killing mistakes (like he was known to do in his days in the Mil).  Dusty takes home the Yost for things like drafting Solano and then starting him for several weeks despite the fact he was not on an actual team (to prove this was no fluke, he revived the idea later with AJ Pierzynski who was homeless after being cut by the Sawks before being rescued by the Cards).  He also went several weeks with players on the DL in his starting lineup, made exactly 4 roster moves for the season (1/4 as many as anyone else, and it wasnt like his team couldnt use some turnover) and spent only $17 of his budget ($10 on Chris Tillman) and did not make a move after July 1st...so much for prepping for the stretch run.  Much of this had to with the fact that Dusty doesnt have regular internet access (but come on man, its once a week!), but he swears that he is getting a smart phone before this upcoming season.  Then he wont have any excuse.  At least Dusty didnt go full Jerad:The Galleria of Quittery on us.

Week 8 Pick-ups: Dropping Bombs

There were a bunch of waiver wire pick-ups this week. However, four of the nine were from one team, Baghdad Bombers. It seems like many people are chasing points, none more evident then the first pick-up by Josh.

Baghadad Bombers: add Doug Baldwin, drop Andre Holmes

So it looks like Josh is chasing good wide receiver performances. Last week, Josh picked up Andre Holmes after he had a 24 point game the week before against the Chargers. He preceded to only score 3 this week which lead to Josh dropping him for the receiver who had a great performance the week before, Doug Baldwin. Other than last week, Baldwin has been awful this year so this move is quite shocking. It does make a little more sense being that Percy Harvin is gone so Baldwin may get a few more targets. Either way this move screams chasing points and next week Josh will probably try to pick up some other guy that did great this week.

Rolling Meadows Mustangs: add Malcom Floyd, drop Micheal Crabtree

Malcom Floyd was the player Josh dropped last week for Andre Holmes. I figured someone would pick him up soon and that was the case. I'm guessing the reason this move happened was because Zach wanted a more consistent receiver than Crabtree, who has been up and down all year. Floyd has a better quarterback and has an easier schedule going forward so it makes Floyd look a little more desirable. I wouldn't be surprised to see someone pick up Crabtree soon though.

Smokin Blounts N Drinkin FORTEs: add Ciaro Santos, drop Phil Dawson

Kicker Swap!! After Phil Dawson kicked 9 field goals in 2 games, he has come back to normal the past few weeks. Ciaro Santos on the other hand has been ok this year but not great. However, Dawson is on bye and Tom needed a kicker, so he picked up the Brazilian kicker. Hurray for trying to analyze kickers!

MeAndJulioDown ByTheSchoolYard: add Charles Clay, drop Jace Amaro

Last week Louie picked up Jace Amaro after his big game the week before against the Broncos. Well after not doing much of anything last Thursday against the Patriots, Louie decided to drop him for Charles Clay who finally became part of the Dolphins offense last week, all be it against the Bears defense. Clay also has a matchup against the Jaguars this week which is always good for fantasy players not on the Cleveland Browns, where as Amaro goes up against the Bills who have a solid defense. I'm guessing this is only a one week fix but it should work out fine for the purpose.

Baghdad Bombers: add Kendall Wright, drop Bengals D/ST

When Josh called me Monday night he was all excited about how good Kendall Wright has been playing so I figured this move was coming. Wright has had double digits performances in 2 of his last 3 games (surprisingly the game he didn't was against the Jaguars). It should be interesting to see how many targets Wright receives this week now that the rookie Zach Mettenberger is starting for the Titans. The Bengals D/ST was alright last week, but was god awful for two weeks before that. The move to get rid of them makes sense when you look farther down on this post and see he picked up the Dolphins D/ST.

Only refs can stop Tre

Rolling Meadows Mustangs: add Tre Mason, drop Mark Ingram

The hottest pickup of the week throughout any league was Tre Mason. He had a breakout game against the defending Super Bowl champs last week, and it looks like he has taken over the starting role from Zack Stacy and Benny Cunningham. Now it is the smallest of small samples (one game) but what he showed on Sunday looked like it could translate to the rest of the year. The one knock on Mason is that he is small so he may not get a lot of goal line carries, so there may be valuable fantasy points left out there for Stacy and Cunningham. Mark Ingram finally came back from his injury last week and he was completely bottled up by the tremendous front line of the Lions defense. Though Ingram was playing very well the first two weeks of the season before he got hurt, it looks like it may take some time for him to get back into the swing of things.

Smokin Blounts N Drinkin FORTEs: add Cowboys D/ST, drop Seahawks D/ST and Teddy Bridgewater

Tom dropping Teddy hurt him more than this hit

So Tom decided to pull off the rare add one player drop two players move. I'm not sure why he did this unless there is a certain player he is waiting to pick up at the end of the week. Teddy Bridgewater has not been good outside of his one game against the Falcons, and though he may be a decent fantasy quarterback in the future, he simply isn't right now. Now when it comes to switching defenses, this would have made everyone concerned for your mental health at the beginning of the year. The Seahawks were far and away the best defense in the league and coming off a Super Bowl championship they won based heavily on their strong defense. The cowboys defense on the other hand was record setting for all the wrong reasons. For as good as the Seahawks were, the Cowboys were that bad and more. However, this year the Seahawks defense just isn't the same, most notably they aren't getting turnovers (they have forced only 4 turnover through the first 6 games). The Cowboys defense is still pretty bad but it has been much better than last year. I'm guessing the idea here was to pick them up for the week because they play the Colt McCoy led redskins this week at home which should end up being a solid day defensively for the Cowboys.

Baghdad Bombers: add Ryan Tannehill, drop Ben Roethlisberger

Ryan Tannehill has been playing great in his last 3 games so this move looks good on the surface, and maybe it is but here is the problem, the three teams he played have average to below average defenses. Tannehill strikes me as the kind of player that is great against the teams he should be great against but can't figure it out in big games when his team needs him to step it up. Now Josh has Phillip Rivers (damn it!) so he won't be starting Tannehill this week I would imagine, but he would have to start him week 10 against the #1 rated defense, the Detroit Lions. Yikes! Might want to think about making another move Josh. Roethlisberger has been a middle of the line quarterback practically all year. He is not a guy that is going to put up huge numbers, but he also won't be sucktastic either. He plays the Jets in week 10 and something tells me I shouldn't be surprised if this move if flip flopped before that game (if someone hasn't already picked up Big Ben).

Baghdad Bombers: add Dolphins D/ST, drop Browns D/ST

The Jags are only losing by 17 in the 3rd quarter!?

So here is what I was talking about earlier when I said Josh's defensive moves make sense (except for the fact that he was carrying two defenses...why would you do that??). the Dolphins go up against the Jaguars, which the Browns did last week and struggled, but the difference is the Dolphins have a good defense and the Jags can't possibly put two good weeks together. It funny however that this week the Browns play the Raiders, who are the only winless team in the league, but Josh didn't want to go with them. Overall, I'm just glad Josh got out of the tandem defense strategy. Seriously someone tell me how in any way that is a good idea.

Week 7 Recaps: So Close

So this week's games were much closer than last week's, as the average margin of victory was only 11.2 points compared to 26.6 last week. There were two games decided by three points or less, and only one team was able to crack 100. Overall, the scores were down a lot this week. This week the average score was 79 points compared to 92.5 the week before. I'm not really sure what the reasoning for the low scoring is, but it sure made things interesting. Moving ahead to the recaps, Zach continued his unbelievable season with another low scoring win, and 5 teams came into this week at 3-3 with a chance to move above .500 but only I'm Ball Murray was able to do it.

Rolling Meadows Mustangs 80
Kalamazoo Red Hawks 77

It almost happened, Zach almost lost. That is until Arian Foster caught a touchdown pass last night with a minute and change left. I wasn't following his game that close but I found out when I got a text from Zach last night after the game saying "Hell ya I'm 7-0 in fantasy, all because of that last minute TD by Foster" This now moves the Rolling Meadows Mustangs to 7-0 this season and one win short of tying the record for best start by an awesome guy to start the season (Team Bashaw started 8-0 in 2011 on his way to a 12-1 regular season). The crazy part about this matchup is that each team had 4 good performances and 5 very shitty ones. In fact if you take the 4 best players from each team, Zach would have won 74-70. In case you didn't do the math, that means the other 5 on each team scored 7-6 in favor of the Red Hawks. Three players in this game put up zeros, Jordan Cameron (RMHS), Percy Harvin (KRH), and Zach Stacy (KRH). This game was so close that it could've swung either way, but if there was one spot that Zach excelled in compared to Dr. Panda it was at the flex spot. The Red Hawk's had the zero from Harvin there where as Zach had a 24 point performance from Sammy Watkins there. Looking at the bench's, Dr. Panda had four players on the bench that would have given him the win if he would have started them. The two highest scoring bench warmers for the Red Hawks were Shane Vereen (23) or Chris Ivory (17). It would have made sense to start one of them over Zach Stacy or Percy Harvin (although I'm not sure how the trade to a team that played Thursday night thing works), but then again Ray Rice is still on the team so why would the Red Hawks start making competent owner decisions now. Zach had a few performances that would have helped him win easier. More importantly, though, he heads into a brotherly battle next week between the two best teams looking to tie the record. This is the first and only meeting of the season between the brothers, and the first meeting since Zach beat T 199-163 in last year's championship game.

Team Mustangs 91
Baghdad Bombers 78

T won his second game in a row and improves his record to 5-2 before his matchup with his brother next weekend. On the other hand, Josh was one of the four teams that came into the week at 3-3 and lost. The Mustangs made nearly all the correct decisions this week, outside of playing Alshon Jeffrey who put up a 0 (but who would ever sit him?). In fact Josh also made all the right moves on who he started and who he benched, but his team just struggled a bit this week.  Similar to last week, T's best player (Calvin Johnson) did not play and yet the rest of his team was able to carry on. This game was very close across the board in all of the categories. The biggest gap was 7 points at quarterback, where T started Tony Romo (over Drew Brees I might add, 21 points) compared to Josh's start of Phillip Rivers (14). The bomber's may have had a better chance in this one if it wasn't for the fact that Fred Jackson went down early in the game Sunday and did not return, giving Josh only 2 points on the day. I know this loss angers Josh (he called me last night and told me so) but at least if the Giants win tonight and continue to win the rest of the week, all will be well in his world (Josh is a huge San Francisco Giants fan). I've already mentioned T's big game next week, but Josh also has an important matchup. He has to find a way to replace the bye weekend Frank Gore as he goes up against Tom in a battle between two of the of the five teams that have a 3-4 record and are all tied for the last playoff spot.

I'm Ball Murray 62
Show Me Them TD's 60

Here's an excerpt from my recap of John's game last week, "Lucky for John, he faces me next week so I'm sure my team will find a way to lose." Wow did I hit the nail on the head! Outside of the always steady performance of Jordy Nelson, my team played like a sack of turds this week. Not to be out done, John's team played like a sack of slightly less smelly turds. In fact, if it wasn't for that DeAndre Hopkins fumble last in last nights game, I would be talking about another tie, this one of epic failure proportions. Luckily for John, DeMarrco Murray had another great game (18 points) and he won so it doesn't matter how bad his team performed in the end. For me, this is disheartening. My team has now lost 3 in a row and has fallen into a tie for last place with Jason (who picked up a nice win this week which I'll get to later). The theme of each game having a player put u a 0 reared its ugly head again in this one as I'm Ball Murray's kicker Matt Bryant missed a field goal which negated his 1 extra point. The funny thing about this game is that John didn't have defense in his lineup till yesterday, yet he was lucky enough to have Alfred blue who he could drop for the Steelers D/ST in order to get the points capable of winning the matchup. Also an interesting point about this game was that we faced off against each other using the players we had traded for two weeks prior. Unfortunetly for John, the trade turned out to be horrible for him as C.J. Spiller went down with a season ending collar bone injury. I feel a little bad for you John, but then again you just beat me even though you only scored 62 so you can suck it! The bench for John looks completely bare. Filled with injured and bye weekend players,only the Redskins defense (who I assume he forgot to put in his starting lineup) put up points. On my bench, there were 4 players I could've played that would've won me the game, most notably Kelvin Benjamin (12) and Marques Colston (11). After last season's collapse ( I started off 3-1 and preceded to lose 6 games in a row...I don't want to talk about it) I was hoping to rebound this year and contend for a championship. The way things are looking right now, I'd be lucky if I finished .500, but then again I'm still only 1 game back of a playoff spot so there's still a chance. John, on the other hand, was the only team to take advantage of his opportunity and leap over the .500 mark and take over sole possession of 3rd place in the league. He will go up against the 2-5 Multiple Scoregasms, with a chance to move into 2nd place if he wins and Zach beats T.

Wisconsin ArcticCats 109
MeAndJulioDown ByTheSchoolYard 82

Louie was another one of those 3-3 teams that came into this week with a chance to separate from the large muddle of teams stuck at or below .500, but he lost and fell right back into it. The first noticeable thing in this game is that neither team had a player put up a zero like in the previously recapped games, instead both teams' defense put up -5. Ya be jealous! Both teams also had some monster performances, but unfortunately more of them came from Gunnar's team than Louie's. The big one for Louie was Demaryius Thomas who put up 29 points and caught the record breaking touchdown from Peyton Manning. On Gunnar's team, he had a 36 points performance from Russell Wilson (Aaron Rodgers is still on his bench) to go with dual 18 point days form Randall Cobb and Ahmad Bradshaw. The ArcticCats were the one and only team that cracked one hundred this week, as I mentioned earlier. There was nobody on the bench that would have been able to bring Louie much closer in this one, while Gunnar had performances to spare on his bench. Quickly touching back on that Rodgers on the bench thing, at some point I would have to imagine Gunnar will shop either him or Wilson around because there is no sense in having both of them when you can get a high quality player in return that will actually start for him. Also, Gunnar has said fuck you to the Giants training staff and decided to keep Victor Cruz on his team because he believes all that salsa dancing will result in Cruz magically coming back this season. Looking ahead to next week, Gunnar gets to play me so chalk up a win for the ArcticCats, and Louie has a highly important matchup against fellow 3-4 team the Kalamazoo Red Hawks. Next week's games may finally start to separate the contenders from the pretenders.

Multiple Scoregasms 81
Smokin Blounts N Drinkin FORTEs 70

After losing 5 games in a row, Jason finally gets a win at a very important time. With this win, Jason moves to within 1 game of a playoff spot as the season passes the halfway mark. He also moves into a tie to get out of the cellar of the league (I own the tie breaker though so he an stay down there for at least another week). Looking back at this matchup, Tom had the best performance of the week with Matt Forte (22), and had two other double digit performances. However, Jason got double digits from 5 of his players which was enough to give him the edge in this battle. The position where this game was won and lost was the D/ST slot. Smokin Blounts N Drinkin FORTEs had the usually reliable but lately terrible Seahawks defense who put up a -4, where as Multiple Scoregasms had the Bills defense who had a nice 10 point day. This was the biggest separation in an other wise even game, and the cause for Tom's demise. To pour salt into the wound for Tom, he had a 21 point performance form Ronnie Hillman sitting on his bench, if he would've used him instead of Justin Forsett he would've came away with a one point victory. Instead we get to make fun of him for losing to the worst team in the league and a team that was on a horrible losing streak. Tom, like so many other, entered the week 3-3 with an opportunity to separate and didn't take advantage of it. Next week's previously mentioned game against the Baghdad Bombers will be key to separating the middle of the pack teams. As for the Scoregasms, they simply need to win next week to be right back in the thick of things.

Peyton's 509

Well it happened last night, Peyton Manning broke the career passing touchdowns record that was held by Brett Favre. I am glad to see him break the record partially because of how great he is and partially because of how sour I still am towards Favre. Looking back through his career, Manning has done everything the right way since being in the NFL. You never hear about any off field issues with him or even issues with teammates. He is the classic case of a quarterback who makes everyone around him look great. Hell, he made Austin Collie look like a superstar before he broke his brain. I remember the few times the Packers played the Colts when I was younger and it would be Favre vs. manning. Those games were always exciting and usually each team would put up video game type numbers. I think the thing about Peyton that is so great is that he didn't take long to celebrate his accomplishment, instead he just high-fived his teammates, saluted the fans quick and then sat down and started looking over the play sheets. But then again I didn't really expect anything different. The best part of this was the big smile he had on his face the entire time after he broke the record. For a guy that doesn't show a lot of emotion on the field, it was nice to see him laugh and celebrate with his teammates. Nobody knows just how long he is going to keep playing, but I would imagine it won't be more than a year or two (especially if he wins the Super Bowl again). When he walks off the football field for the last time, the game will miss him dearly. I don't believe there will ever be a quarterback that can manipulate a defense and make the right adjustments at the line like he does. For me personally, Manning is one of the last players from my young childhood that still plays, so when he eventually decides to hang up the cleats it will finally be the realization that I'm not just a young kid watching all these big grown-ups anymore. However, for now I'm going to keep holding on to that childhood feeling just a little longer, and hope that Peyton makes it back to the Super Bowl again and goes out with a championship like every legend should.

John Kruck in the top left?

So there were some other noticeable things that happened this weekend besides Peyton Manning's record breaking night. The first of which is the Jacksonville Jaguars getting their first win, beating the Browns 24-6. I've been gushing about the Browns for the last week or two and then this happened. They were in prime position to improve to 4-2 on the season against a team that has not won, and has looked terrible in most of their games. After this loss, the talk went from how great the Browns are playing and how they have a shot at a playoff spot to how the Browns are the Browns and they can't get it together. I still think the Browns will finish with a decent record, but this lose may be the difference between making the playoffs and watching them from home. The other thing I noticed is that the Redskins won with superstar quarterback Colt McCoy. Maybe they should see if they can trade him for a first round pick. After all the talk the past couple years about how great Kirk Cousins is, when he finally had his shot he severely underperformed. I'm sure the skins wish they would have traded high on Cousins to get something back because now I believe he has lost all his value. Washington has gone from two good quarterbacks to having one injury prone guy and two underwhelming back-ups.

Now for my favorite part of the weekend review posts, my weekly look at the NFC North. We will start with the Packers who thoroughly beat down the Carolina Panthers in Lambeau on Sunday. The Packers offense and defense looked spectacular through the three quarters, they pulled their starters at that point as the score was 38-3. Its important to point out that the Panthers had previously beaten the Bears and Lions this season, although they were at home for those games. Overall, the Packers look like they are on a roll and maybe catching the Saints (who they play this week) at just the right time. So about those Saints, they went up against the other leader in the division, the Detroit Lions. I don't know what is wrong with the Saints but they just can't win on the road, even when it is in a dome. Drew Brees made a horrible unBrees-like throw late that was interception and helped the Lions pull out the come from behind win. The Lions didn't play great but they got the win, which has kind of been their motto all year. That defense has looked incredibly good, which is a scary thought if that
offense starts to click again when Calvin Johnson comes back. The Lions have the 8:30 am game against the Falcons this Sunday (yes that is the correct time, they are playing in London). I'm not sure how much of the game I will wake up to watch since Homecoming is Saturday, but I love the idea of waking up in the morning and football is already on. Now on to the roller coaster ride of the Chicago Bears. Here's what happened, Jay Cutler turned the ball over twice---> Bears lost. That has how its been ever since they traded for him. Everyone who supports Cutler tries to say it is the offensive line's fault or the defense is bad or there was a crying baby in row 35. The truth is Cutler is not a top tier NFL quarterback. He makes way too many mistakes to be considered a good QB. In fact, not only is he not a top QB (like Rodgers, Manning, Luck, Brees, and Brady), hes in the bottom half of QB's in the league. Does Joe Flacco, Matt Ryan, or Tony Romo start 3-4 with this kind of talent around him? What about Cam Newton, Phillip Rivers, or Colin Kaepernick? Or even Alex Smith, Andy Dalton, or Nick Foles. Didn't think so. Cutler is a guy that has always had an excuse for why his team doesn't make the playoffs but in the end the biggest reason is himself. The bears threw away a ton of money on his contract and all they did was assure the Bears aren't going to be playing deep into January for the next 7 years. Not to mention his teammates are now calling him out in the locker room according to many reports and that team is starting to turn against one another. I read one report that said Robbie Gould was apparently getting involved and someone told him to "shut the hell up, you only kick the ball". Sounds like things are going great. The last stop on the NFC North carousel is Buffalo where the Bills pulled one out of a hat against the Vikings. The Bills converted a 4th and 20 on the games final drive which concluded on a 1 yard touchdown pass to Sammy Watkins. Though the Vikings lost the game, they were at least competitive which is always a good sign when you have a 1st year quarterback. I remember when Aaron Rodgers took over for the Packers and they went 6-10 in his first year. The overall record wasn't good but the games were close and it gave the team a sense of hope heading into the next season. This could be the case for Teddy Bridgewater and the Vikings, although he still has a lot of learning to do. The Vikings will finish last in this division because of how talented the rest of the division is, but if they can continue to put up a fight in these games and if Teddy can learn to not make the dumb rookie mistake this team may have a chance to climb in the standings in years to come.

Week 7 Waiver Pick-ups

Do I actually do work Wednesday Mornings?

So I've decided to make a bit of a change to when I do the waiver wire pick ups post. I'm going to post it on Thursday from now on for two reasons. The first reason is because I always end up posting stuff Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday and then not posting anything the rest of the week. This will help spread out the posts a little more. The second and more important reason is because my work production on Wednesday's looks very sketchy. In an effort to even out when I write the blog so my productivity numbers to lag behind in the beginning of the week, I'm going to write part of the post on Wednesday and just save the draft and then write the rest of it Thursday and post the whole thing then. This also means that if you pick up a player after the waiver wire transactions go through on Wednesday morning but before about 10 am Thursday, they will be added to the waiver pickups post. Now that I've got that settled, there were a lot of waiver transactions this week including another trade. Here they are:

Trade!! Show Me Them TD's receives Terrance Williams, Im Ball Murray receives C.J. Spiller

For any of you that were in the fantasy baseball league, are you really surprised I was involved in another trade. I can't help it, I just love making trades, so after gauging the trade market for certain receivers, I decided to offer this trade to John which was accepted a day or so later. My thought process in this deal was that I wanted a better receiver who I can trust to put up at least 8 to 9 points a game since Marques Colston and Reggie Wayne just can't do that anymore. I traded away C.J. Spiller since he was the odd man left out on my roster after trading for Gio Bernard, but he was too good to just leave sitting on my bench. When looking for people to trade with, Im Ball Murray was the best option. John didn't have a good second running back to go with Demarcco Murray. He also already has Brandon Marshall and Jeremy Maclin in the reciever spots, and he is sticking with Cordarelle Patterson in the flex position, hoping he finally regains the fantasy value he had last year. So in the end this trade helped both of us bolster one of our weakest spots. Even though this trade went through Sunday morning before the games, we both sat these guys, but this week it looks like we both have them in the starting lineup so we can now see how the trade will pay off.

Smokin Blunts N Drinkin FORTEs: add Ronnie Hillman, drop Matt Asiata

Hillman has taken over for the injured Montee Ball, and has played very well. He ran for over 100 yards last week, and even though he didn't find the end zone, he still put up a nice double digit performance. It looks like Ball will be out for at least two more weeks, which means this will be a nice stop gap pick-up for a few weeks. Dropping Asiata isn't that surprising. He has struggled the last two weeks, and it looks like Jerick McKinnon has taken over the starting running back role. Not to mention, Asiata and the Vikings play Buffalo this week, who has allowed the least fantasy points to running backs so far this season.


Rolling Meadows Mustangs: add Joe Flacco, drop Kirk Cousins

After last week's performance, it was fairly obvious that somebody was going to pick up Flacco. He picked apart the Bucs defense to the ton of 5 touchdowns in the first 18 minutes of the game. Flacco has always been considered a decent QB but never a must have guy. However, Zach has Andrew Luck so the only week Flacco is likely to be in his starting lineup is when the Colts are on bye (week 10). That week the Ravens go up against the Tennessee Titans, who are ranked an awful 25th against the pass, which means this pick up will likely lead to a nice fantasy matchup for Zach. Captain Kirk Cousins on the the other hand is about to lose all his fantasy value. According to reports, RG3 is only about 2-3 weeks away from coming back. Even though Cousins has been a decent fantasy quarterback, despite his losing in real life, this was a good move to get ahead of the curve.





Multiple Scoregasms: add Darren McFadden, drop Chris Johnson

Imagine seeing this cross the waiver wire just a couple years ago. Neither one of these two are good anymore, but the only reason this makes sense is because at least McFadden is getting some carries. McFadden has averaged about 13 carries a game where as Chris Johnson is losing the small role he had in the Jets offense and is reduced to only about 5 carries a game. Taking a look at Jason's team, his running backs are a mess. They cost him a win last week, and I'm guessing a couple other wins in weeks before that. His two starters are the extremely under performing Eddie Lacy and the injured/ under performing Reggie Bush. He has Ickey Woods Jeremy Hill on the bench who is decent, but he's not a starter so it's hard to expect a lot from him week in and week out. I wouldn't be surprised if the Scoregasms try to make a trade with someone to try to get a decent running back and climb out of last place in the league.

Show Me Them TD's: add Carson Palmer, drop Eli Manning

I said in the recap of my game Tuesday, that my experiment with the Giants players is over. This was the start of the destruction of Giants players on my roster. Eli Manning was awful last week and has now lost possibly his best weapon, Victor Cruz. For as good as the Giants looked for a three week stretch, they looked equally as bad last week. It was time to find a different backup quarterback, so when I saw Palmer was back it was a done deal. Palmer is most likely not going to have any huge games, but he is good for a solid 18 points or so a week. There is a possibility that I might even start him over Matt Ryan in certain weeks because when Ryan is on the road he usually struggles mightily. Looking back I'm starting to think I should've traded Matt Ryan to the Baghdad Bombers instead of Phillip Rivers...oops.

Baghdad Bombers: add Malcom Floyd, drop Kendall Wright

With Phillip Rivers having a MVP type season, it makes sense to pick up one of his best targets. Floyd has put up solid numbers every game, except week 2 against Seattle, and he is averaging an incredible 21 yards per catch. He is definitely the deep threat for Rivers, and since he averages a touchdown every other game, his stock goes up even more. Kendall Wright was a guy that people went crazy about after his 20 point performance against the Browns in week 5. He came off that performance to play the Jaguars and put up a big 0. That's right, going against possibly the worst team in the league, Wright did nothing. It doesn't help that he doesn't have a competent quarterback throwing him the ball. As I said when Josh picked him up, he would be a decent fantasy receiver on with a different QB, but until that happens you can't count on him to be productive.

Multiple Scoregasms: add Chandler Catanzaro, drop Saun Suisham


Kicker Swap! Chandler Catanzaro, not George Castanza (which would be awesome!), has had a lot of good kicking weeks so far this year. Suisham on the other hand has put up 5 or less points in the last 3 weeks so it was obviously time for a change. I think Jason is feeling some regret after letting Phil Dawson go after week 3 and now watching him make field goal after field goal on his way to putting up 46 points combined over the last three weeks for Smokin Blounts N Drinkin FORTEs.

Baghdad Bombers: add Pierre Thomas, drop Stevan Ridley

This move was obviously going to happen since Ridley is done for the year. So unfortunately for Josh, he had to go out and find some medial talent on the waiver wire to replace Ridley. Insert Pierre Thomas into that spot. Thomas doesn't get many carries in the Saints offense, but what he does get is a lot of receptions. He seems to be the guy that they love to run screen routes with so he does have some value. The overlying problem here is that Mark Ingram will be back soon which will take away even more touches from Thomas, but then again Josh may just pick up Ingram and drop Thomas when that happens (that would probably be a smart move).

Show Me Them TD's: add Jordan Reed, drop Larry Donnell

Again, I'm getting rid of the Giants players. Donnell did nothing the last two weeks and was probably just a flash in the pan. This wouldn't have bothered me much since I figured I only needed a back up tight end for one week, however now Jimmy Graham is out a couple weeks and I am scrambling to find a recent replacement for that time. The replacement I found is Jordan Reed. Reed finally came back last week against the Cardinals and had a solid 9 point game. Reed has at time shown the talent to be a top ten tight end if he could stay healthy, but therein lies the problem. Reed has been nagged all year by injury so who knows how long he will stay healthy. I'm really hoping he can stay on the field for a couple of weeks and find some of that chemistry he had with Kirk Cousins from the end of last year.

Baghdad Bombers: add Browns D/ST, drop Chargers D/ST

Defense Swap! Josh got burnt last week when the Chargers got lit up by the 0-5 Oakland Raiders, I feel your pain (I had them in another league). Normally I would still say that the Chargers are a better defense and special teams option that the Browns, however the Browns play the Jaguars this week which swings the weight to the Browns side. Sadly the Jags haven't put up more than 17 points in a game yet this year, so I think this pick up is a fairly safe lock for the Bombers.