Week 5 - All the Right Roster Moves

Four weeks in the books folks.  Our insignificant sample sizes are rapidly morphing into trends that could end up being long term trends as nearly 1/6th of the season is now in the books for some MLB teams.  Looking at the roster moves section of the website this week shows that a lot of us (7 to be exact - 6 got players and Uncle Jimmy gave it a good try...also 7!!!!) thought that there were some players on the roster that needed to be turned into chum swirling in the shallows of our favorite ocean or tropical sea (mine's the Lakshadweep Sea for those of you wondering). 

Jonah Keri over at Grantland mentioned yesterday in his weekly MLB rankings called "The 30," that the average MLB playoff team in the post apocolypse (aka wild card) era is 14-11 (.560 winning percentage) through their first 25 games.  Good news for those Brewer fans in the crowd.  Obviously, a great start doesnt guarantee a playoff birth, but these early season games count for just as much as the late season ones in the standings.  By that logic, Bob's AutoTrackers would be a virtual lock for a playoff spot with their current .667 winning percentage.  Lucky for us, we fake gamers have a bit more control over our rosters than a real MLB GM does and we can change the fortunes of our team fairly quickly with a couple of smart roster moves.  Of course, we can also torpedo our seasons with a couple of ill timed ones.  Take, for example, my pick up of Devin Mesoraco last week.  To get him, I dropped Jason Castro and moved Meso into the lineup for this week.  Well, Devin hit the DL early in the weekend leaving me without a catcher for the upcoming week.  He gets a very special ass hDLe spot in my heart.  To make matters worse (or better, depending on how you feel about me) Castro put up a decent week last week and seems to be remembering what it takes to me a MLB catcher.  Hopefully some of these moves work out better than that one.

So far in the roster moves, I have been focusing solely on who is being grabbed, not who is being tossed back into the waiver wire abyss.  This week, we're going to change that up a bit.

 

 

SP Martin Perez - $7 - Mark Baker Hitless Bastards - Drop SP Jered Weaver

This one is pretty simple and it looks like a few of us agreed, as Zach and Tom also tried to get Perez.  Perez has thrown 26 consecutive scoreless innings, including back to back complete game shut outs against the ChiSox and The Juggernaut Jose Abreu and the A's and Coco Crisp's hair, which by the way is the best Afro in the league since Oscar Gamble and Bake McBride.  Perez isnt striking many guys out, but his groundball % is amongst the tops in the league and he is tied to a solid lineup and great bullpen.  Weaver, on the other hand, has seen declines in his K rate and "good pitcherness," which isnt a real stat thats tracked but should be.  He has also seen a rise in his HR/fly ball rate and a massive dip in velocity.  Basically, he is turning into Jeff Weaver, and no one wants to own a Jeff Weaver.


OF/1b Chris Colabello - $5 - Les Moles - Drop OF Alex Gordon
I was wondering when, in a league with so many Twins fans, Colabello was going to get picked up.  Colabello is off to a fantastic start, knocking in 27 runs so far and is a large reason why the Twins offense has been able to score more runs than they were expected to score.  Colabello is a classic "Can he keep this up" guy.  After playing college ball at D2 Assumption, he wasnt a huge prospect and there were only modest expectations around him as recently as the beginning of this season.  By dropping Gordon, a former college player of the year and first round pick (second overall) with an All Star appearance last year, Tom thinks Colabello has staying power.

OF Eric Young - $5 - Les Moles - Drop OF Torii Hunter
I'll be honest. This one has me scratching my head a bit. EY Jr. can't hit for contact (career .250 average, .216 this year), and can't hit for power (7 career HRs in 1400 PAs, 4 of which were in Colorado) and he is 29 years old, so he isn't exactly trending upward.  What he does have is speed, speed, and more speed, and, for the time being, a starting job with the Mets.  If you were looking for speed, Tom, you got it. 


RP Will Smith - $2- Les Moles - Drop SP Joe Kelly
Any move that removes an evil Cardinal from our lives and adds the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire is a winner in my book.  Fake Capt Hiller is a Brewer and a member of Project Mayhem.  If someone finds a way to pick up Kid 'N Play, they automatically win the league...every year, forever.

SP/RP Jesse Chavez - $2 - Les Moles - No Drop
Tom...stop monopolizing the Roster Moves section.  Seriously.  Remember last week, in the power rankings, when I mentioned that you were not that far away from being competitive with the top teams and that you were due for a rebound and then you went out and trounced John?  And then you blew up your team?  Anyways, Chavez is another, "Do you trust him to keep this up" guy.  While he definitely wouldnt be the first pitcher to find success in Oakland after moderate success elsewhere, he also wouldnt be the first to struggle after going through the league a time or two.  I love the dual eligibilty so I whole heartedly support this pickup, but Chavez might turn back into a pumpkin before the All Star break.

C Carlos Ruiz - $2 - Mark Baker Hitless Bastards - Drop OF Kole Calhoun
This is the Devin Mesoraco special.  Even though I hate Kold Calhoun with the fire of 1000 suns, I would have prefered to keep him on the roster.  With so many guys on the DL and no catcher, someone had to go.  Ruiz is roughly 2039 years old and has been in MLB since the dawn of time itself, but he is a decent catcher with moderate contact skills and a little pop.  He is a stop gap at best.  I'm putting the over/under on how many times he causes me to cry myself to sleep at 2.5.  Take the over.

RP Brett Cecil - $1 - Les Moles - Drop RP Joe Nathan
I thought we were done with this Tom?  Are there any more?  Did you also fire your Momager?  Cecil is striking everyone out this year (nearly 2 per inning), but hes also walking batters like hes trying to impress Brandon Morrow.  Somehow, he is also giving up nearly a hit an inning.  His stat line looks like the buffet at OCB, theres a large range of options and your not quite sure how good its going to be on any given night.

OF Charlie Blackmon - $1 - Backyard Superstars - Drop OF Curtis Granderson
Granderson is pretty much done and has been for about a season and a half. But at least it isnt like his team owes him $60 million between now and the end of 2017.  Yikes, I feel sorry for Mets fans.  Blackmon is the face of the early season All Stars.  Blackmon is in his 4th season in the bigs and has opened on a 389/436/644 tear.  That line has come down in the last couple weeks, as it will do since Blackmon isnt vintage Ty Cobb, but it is still surprising it has taken this long for him to be rostered.   There are definite signs that Blackmon has turned the page as a hitter in his age 27 season.  He hals already walked as many times and stolen as many bases as he did last season in 150 fewer PAs.  His 2013 was much better than I remember it being as he hit 309/336/467.  Add the increased walk totals and the stolen bases and you have yourself a fantasy baseball starter.  Blackmon may very well never recreate what he has done in the first month of 2014, but he doesnt need to in order to be a useful player.  He just needs to keep hitting in front of CarGo and Tulo and leading the people of Colorado to free tacos.

SP Yovanni Gallardo - $1 - Backyard Superstars - Drop SP Clay Buchholz
It was only a matter of time before Kyler drank the Gallardo Kool-Aid the way Yovani drinks Blatz after games but before driving home.  Gallardo is off to a fine start, but the 1.91 ERA is a bit misleading as to how good hes been.  Basically, the advanced stats say he is the same pitcher he was in 2011 but with a much lower K rate (9.0 in 2011 vs 6.0 this year).  That's not a staff ace, but it is a solid pick up.  And...its lightyears better than what Clay Buttholz has been doing this season with his 1.75 WHIP through 5 starts (25 innings).

SP,RP Alfredo Simon - $1 - Zach"k" Attach"k" - Drop RP Sergio Santos
B-R tells me that Alfredo Simon was born Carlos Cabrera, which obviously makes sense.  Simon was a useful bullpen arm last year and has made the Jesse Chavez transition to the rotation with decent results.  He has thrown 4 games, 27 innings and allowed only 26 baserunners.  His low ERA is likely a bit of a mirage as he has only struck out 17 guys and his FIP is a full 2.5 runs higher.  What is it with the Toronto pitching staff?  Santos has 5 saves and has thrown 8 innings.  He has struck out 15!  He has also walked 8 and given up 7 hits and thrown 3 wild pitches.  He's apparently extremely difficult to make contact against, but if you do it'll be a hit and theres a 1 in 3 chance he will walk you anyways.

RP Kyle Farnsworth - $1 - Zach"k" Attach"k" - Drop RP Jim Johnson
Farnsworth is the new Mets closer, taking over for Papa Grande, who took over for Bobby Parnell who I am pretty sure took over for John Franco.  This isnt the Farns that we Cub fans remember coming into MLB back in the late 90s striking everyone out and body slamming people because he could.  This is a kinder, gentiler Farns.  One who doesnt strikeout a batter an inning anymore, but doesnt walk a batter an inning either.  Farns should do just fine whenever the Mets can get a lead to the 9th.  Johnson's run as a dependable reliever ended last season even though he racked up 50 saves.  The under the hood numbers showed a steep decline which has come out full force this year. 

SS Chris Owings - $1 - Zach"k" Attach"k" - Drop SS Brad Miller
This makes me a bit sad as I was full on the Brad Miller bandwagon to start the season and I think that I might be the last one on it.  When your team decides that Willie Bloomquist is a better option, even just for a day, you are reaching the low point.  Owings is a decent player who showed great contact skills with some power and some speed in AAA last year but has yet to see either of those things manifest in the bigs.  A SS with potential to hit 300 with 15 HRs and 15 SBs would be an asset to any fantasy (or real) team.  Owings may not get there this year, but could be a solid keeper for future seasons.

RP Chris Perez - $1 - MWP Masters - Drop Papa Grande Jose Valverde
The Grand One earned his demotion from the closer's role with a 3 game stretch that featured Valverde throwing 3 innings and striking out 3, but giving up 8 runs on 6 hits (4 HRs) with 2 walks.  Talk about imploding.  We thougth Jim Johnson was bad. Luckily for John, those 3 games were stretched over a 2 scoring week period and 3 of the runs were unearned.  Chris Perez is still wearing an Indians jersey on his Yahoo player page and I was 83% sure that he missed last year with some sort of injury.  Looking at his stats from last year, I assume he wishes this as well.  Perez has bounced back as the bridge man to Kenley Jensen in the Dodger bullpen, a spot that should get him plenty of holds as the season continues.

RP Ryan Cook - $1 - Merry Tyler's Moor All Stars - Drop Jason Grilli
Grilli hit the DL and Tyler tells him to hit the street.  Since missing 2010, Grilli has been an entirely different pitcher than he was earlier in his career.  He has struggled so far in 2014, but it wouldnt surprise me to see him bounce back after his stint on the DL is over.  Cook has been an unsung hero in the Oakland bullpen for the past 2 seasons.  His current .080 batting average against should correct itself, but so should his current walk rate of nearly a batter per inning.  Cook should be a decent Project Mayhemer.

Week 4 - The EmTyler Strikes Back

In the Goulet Power Rankings last Thursday, I wrote that I saw the loss to Merry T's Moors coming from a mile away, but that it wasnt going to hurt any less.  Truth was, I was hoping to put the blog jinx on T's team and send them into a monumental tailspin.  Turns out, my Mark Baker All Stars wouldnt have been able to beat a little league team this week.  That said, by whoopin my butt, T who shall once again be yler gets not only his name back (until he loses it again), but his team will be refered to until further notice as the Merry Tyler's Moor Traveling All Stars and my team shall be simply Mark Baker's Hitless Bastards.  Now, Merry Tyler's Moor Traveling All Stars may be a bit controversial in the wake of the whole Donald Sterling hates black people saga, but the name has a long history rooted in Black Ball and, more importantly, The Bingo Long Traveling All Stars and Motor Kings.  For those of you who are uncultured and haven't seen the movie, which stars Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrizian), James Earl Jones (the voice of Darth Vader himself) and Richard Pryor (one of the funniest comedians of all time), it is well worth checking out.

He hates all minorities, except the one hes dating?

As for Sterling, is there anything worse than a complete ass hDLe who can't be put on the DL or dropped from a team?  In this day and age there is no excuse for someone to think that skin color is even remotely important in determining the skills and worth of a person.  I enjoyed Matt Kemp's passive protest of changing his walk up music to Michael Jackson's "Black or White."  Not only is it poignant and fitting, but it's a damn good song.  The Clippers players did a decent job in their protest as they didnt really have much time to come up with something.  Unfortunately, they are either going to have to let it slide completely or they are going to have to ratchet their game up by about 323 levels and risk certain legal action against them by not honoring their contracts and boycotting playoff games.  The NBAPA will need to either let Sterling pass or try to deter players from signing with the Clip joint, thereby putting themselves at risk of legal action for collusion similar to what owners faced in the late 80s in baseball.  There is simply not much that the NBA can do to one of its owners.  Being a douche bag, racist, ass hole doesnt break any of the NBA rules.  If it did, there would be a lot of people who wouldnt be allowed to own a team or play in the games.  The only way, in this case, to enact change is to hurt the team in the pocket book, and that means not playing games.  Even that way, the way the league TV money is distributed makes it nearly impossible for teams to struggle financially to the point of hurting a multi billionaire like Donald Sterling.  Also, Sterling is a big enough d bag that he would refuse to sell the team simply out of principle.  His past record shows that he obviously doesnt care about wins and losses and he doesnt need the money.  As a sports fan, though not necessarily a basketball fan, it will be interesting to see how the league handles the situation (if they try to invoke some "for the good of the game" clause that could lead down a very steep and slippery slope) and how the players react to the league's decision to do something or not to do something.  It could set a dangerous precident either way for situations in any sports league in the future and it could become a major sticking point in the next CBA.



Take a bow Brandon.

Anyways, before we get on to the blood letting, there is 1 performance from this weekend that I want to point out.  During the afternoon slate of Saturday's games, Brandon Morrow did something not often seen in MLB.  He managed to not give up a single hit in 2 and 2/3 inning and was removed from the game.  "That doesnt sound too crazy," some random voice in my head says.  That is not the impressive part.  The impressive parts is that, despite the no hits, he gave up 4 runs.  In a true exhibition of wildness that would have made Rick Ankiel blush, Morrow walked 8 batters, including 4 in the 3rd inning, forcing home a run and was then lifted in favor of Chad Jenkins.  Jenkins promptly gave up a grand salami to AJ Pierzynski, plating 3 runs charged to Morrow.  Just to prove it wasnt a fluke, Jenkins gave up a homer to Wil Middlebrooks 5 pitches later. The awesomeness here obviously belongs to Morrow. who through only 26 strikes amongst his 65 pitches (40%!!!!).  To put that in terms we Cub fans can understand, Morrow made Carlos Marmol look like the epitome of control.  And for that, we salute him.

Week 4 Recaps

Not so many close games this week with 4 contests finishing 9-3 and another 6-5-1...bet you can guess which one will be the Mike Shaw Super Mo Replay Matchup of the Week.  Allright, lets get it over with.  Like a Band-Aid that has been stuck on for 3 days, I just need to rip off right away rather than pussyfoot around the issue.


Merry Tyler's Moor Traveling All Stars (20-26-2) 9
Mark Baker Hitless Bastards (23-24-1)                  3

Let's get this out there, Tyler's team won this matchup.  He won 5 of the 6 hitting categories and 4 of the 6 pitching ones.  If it hadn't been for Danny Salazar's Sunday Funday dominant start, Tyler would have won 5 pitching categories and tied the last one, so this could have been even more one sided.  But dont let that cloud what the stats say.  The MTMTAS won, but only because they werent as bad as the Hitless Bastards.  Allen Craig hit 172/172/207 and Starling Marte hit 120/185/120 for MTMTAS.  Not to be outdone, Carlos Santana hit .050/208/100 to bring his season line to 121/301/195 and I have officially run out of bad jokes about Carlos Santana duets.  Mercifully, Tyler is sitting him down this week.  The Hitless Bastards through out their own Non Alkaline Trio of David Wright (154/207/192), Jose Reyes (160/222/320) and supposed wunderkind George Springer, who started his big league career off with an awesome .080/233/120.  At least it was better than Santana?

The real strength of this win was the pitching of MTMTAS.  Julio Teheran (13K, 0.60 ERA, 0.73 WHIP, 2 QS) and Corey Kluber (1W, 11K, 0.00 ERA, 0.44 WHIP, 1 QS) led the way for the staff that finished with a collective 6W, 60K, 2.50 ERA, 1.01 WHIP, 5QS and 4 S+H.


Dusty's Nustys (26-19-3)              9
The Zach"k" Attach"k" (19-27-2) 3

I feel for you Zach.  On one hand, the Attach"k" had Ryan Braun go off for 389/455/444 with 1R, 4RBI and even a SB.  On the other, Brad Miller seems to have forgotten how to play baseball (071/071/143--YIKES!) and Carlos Gonzalez (087/087/087) seems to think he is Carlos Santana (I need to get all the Santana jokes I can.  You know, for morale because my team sucked it hard this week).  And for CarStop, it seems to be more than an early season slump as he has admitted his knee isnt quite right.  For the Nustys, Joey Bats went nuts (391/481/606 4R 4RBI), but this will be the week that we remember for Miguel Cabrera remembering that he remembered to be Miguel Cabrera.  He didnt walk at all, but the bat came around (346/346/538) and he even hit a ball that ended with him on 3b.  He only got a 2b because the official scorer ruled an error on a throw, but he ran all the way to third base without stopping.  I witnessed this on the tele.  If Miggy is running all the way to third, his injuries are not bothering him anymore and he can commence with the destruction of the American League pitchers.

Anabel Sanchez (Attack) was solid before he turned into an ass hDLe casualty, but Manny Machado should be activated this week and Kershaw isnt far behind him.  In a week or two the Attack will finally have the lineup Zach envisioned during the draft.


Bob's AutoTrackers (31-15-2)  9
Backyard Superstars (25-20-3) 3

Its a bit surprising to see one of the top teams in the league by all metrics (W/L and power rankings) take such a beat down, but this could have been even worse.  Had Bob's Cubophile nature not blinded him to the monster on the South Side, Jose Abreu (9 for 25, 8R, 14RBI) would have been in the lineup over Anthony Rizzo (120/241/240 4R, 2RBI) and this would have ended 11-1.  Jose Abreu has 10 HRs and 31 RBI, both most in baseball, and both MLB rookie records.  Now, the 27 year old isnt most rookies as he was a very polished hitter in Cuba before defecting, but I dont think even the most optimistic fan would have imagined this.  It will break Bob's heart, but Rizzo might be riding the pine pony for a while.  For the BySs, the Aramis Ramierz gravy train finally hit a wall (045/080/182) and the pitchign staff struggled as Yu Darvish had a rough start and the bullpen got small sample sized into a much higher ERA and WHIP than theyve previously had.  Bob's staff overcame a Sean Dolittle implosion (27.00 ERA, 4.20 WHIP) and Sean Dolittle's Beard's implosion thanks in large part to Adam Wainwright (2W, 10K, 0.00ERA, 0.60 WHIP, 2QS) continuing to piss excellence.

Springfield Isotopes (22-24-2)  6
You Can Call Me Al (22-23-3) 5
Tie                                              1

Ha!  You thought this would be the Mike Shaw Super Mo Replay of the Week, didnt you?  Fools.  While this was the tightest game, and only close game, it falls just short of the super secret ratings system used to determine the Shaw. As we've seen in the past weeks, Jerad:the Galleria of Ratio Stats was strong in the ratio stats but weak in the counting stats.  All 5 of Jimmy's wins were in the counting stats, and the tie was in runs.  The OBP matchup here was so close, it had to go out 4 decimal places with Jerad winning .33742 to .33728.  Robinson Cano finally put together a solid week (409/458/500) for the Topes, and the Mighty Giancarlo Stanton finally cooled off (167/231/375).  The clock is now ticking on Jerad: The Galleria of Getting Booted from the League for Inactivity as Wilson Ramos is still in the lineup for this week and there is still a SP open slot with an SP on the bench.

Week 4 MSSSMRMoW



The Fastenal Cubicle Battle  is week 4's Mike Shaw Subaru
Super Mo Replay Matchup of the Week

Sometimes the closest matchup isnt the most anticipated or the most exciting.  Sometimes a good, old fashioned beat down against one of your friends and co-workers can be better than a narrow win against someone you dont know (actually...it always is better).

This week, Tom and John matched up for the second time already this year.  John's Mothafuckin PIMPs knocked off Tom's Uncle Lesters 8-3-1 in week 1.  This time around featured a whoopin in the other direction.  In addition to being a rivalry game, this game featured some single category scores that were higher than Tim Raines during games in the 80s.  Let's take a look in this week's breakdown.


Runs - Les Moles - 32!
Every single player on Les Moles scored at least twice this week, with Evan Longoria and former MVPs Joe Mauer and Andrew McCutchen each scored 5 times.  For those of you scoring at home, that is 5 more times than the seventy something Donald Sterling has scored with his twenty something minority model girlfriend.

RBI- Les Moles - 29
Coco Crisp was the low man in the runs category, but he knocked in 6 runs to tie for the team lead with Adrian Gonzalez.  Three other players drove in 4 runs.

Strikeouts - MWP Masters - 80
Masahiro Kamakaze Tanaka has been every bit as good as advertised.  This week he struck out 18 over a pair of starts to lead MWP and passed the eye test big time in his matchup with Mike Trout and the Angels on Sunday Night Baseball with pitches that were running every which way and others that were falling straight off the table.  Johnny Cueto was not far behind, adding 15 Ks (and a 0.53 ERA and a 0.71 WHIP) over a pair of starts.  Jose Fernandez only got 1 start this week, but he fanned 14 Barves and not all of them were Uptons.  The bullpen added 19 Ks and that is with Brian Wilson and his face beaver not striking out a single one.

The winner of this Astros fan favorite contest was Aaron West
a pitcher who had yet to play higher than Hi A ball when the
poll was run.  Astros Baseball, Catch the Fever!!!

Strikeouts - Les Moles - 91
Yup, 80 strikeouts for the week didnt win the category for John.  For comparison, the next highest for the week was Jonas Brother Tyler's 62 and the lowest was Jonas Brother Zach's 38.  Tom had 5 pitchers go over 10 Ks, David Price (19), Jon MoLester (14), Dallas Kuechel (14), Tanner Roark (13), and Zach Greinke (11).  When Dallas Kuechel strikes out as many batters as Jose Fernandez in a week, you know its your week.

Saves + Holds - MWP - 10
This is the one category that John dominated, finishing with a 10 -1 margin.  KRod won the category himself with 4 S+H, and Joakim Soria added 3 with Kenley Jansen adding a pair.

I would be remiss if I didnt mention the reigning NL MVP McCutchen.  Cutch has had a slow start to the year, but really came on this week, finishing  417/533/833 with 5 R and 4 RBI against pretty good pitching staffs in Cincinnati and St. Louis.

For now, Tom leads the season series between him and John 12-11-1.  I'm not sure when they play again and I'm too lazy to check, but I hope Tom holds it over him like some parents hold the fact that they birthed and raised their kids over the kids heads.  Milk it Tom...Milk it.

ass hDLes - week 4

I don't make a habit of looking up things on Urban Dictionary, but once I thought it would be a good idea.  This was approximately 11 seconds ago.  I tried looking at the definition for ass hole, but it said "your current boss" so that wasn't very applicable to either this blog post or to my actual boss, who is pretty much awsome.  Then I saw it.  Down below there are synonyms that you can click on for their urban dictionary definitions...Jerk.  That's what I wanted.  I mean, when you hear a guy goes on the DL and you cant swap him out the two things that immediately come to mind are "Ass Hole" and "Jerk Panda".  Wait, the panda part may be just me...but the jerk part probably is you.  And here is what the UD has to say about Jerk...some of the nouns have been edited to make this less about females and sex and more about the important things, like fantasy baseball.

Jerk

Jerks are selfish, manipulative bastards who see fantasy owners as little more then conquests to brag about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure. As to ensure the  breakup will be in their favor, Jerks often play the "talented guy" early on so the fantasy owner will make most of the moves on HIM, and after he's done with the owner and dumps him or her for some other owner just like him or her, he can make it look like the owner is at fault for coming on too strong, and consequently he or she will take him back if he chooses to return for seconds.

 

Boom.  That pretty much sums it up.  These jerks use us for their personal satisfaction, then break themselves and say we're at fault for over using them because they know then we will put them back in the lineup when they are ready to play again.  What do we look like, a collection of Dusty Bakers and Don Baylors?  Am I chewing a tooth pick?  Am I leaving young, talented pitchers in games to throw 2341 pitches, their arms be damned?  These jerks just don't get it.

This week, we have 3 ass hDLes, 2 of whom are the worst kind of jerk...the one who got hurt during last week, had plenty of time to tell us about it, but waited and went on the DL Monday retroactive to the last game they played.  Pretty much it is the giant middle finger to those of us who play in weekly leagues.

This is happening in Trumbo's leg

1b/OF Mark Trumbo - MWP Masters -
Trumbo officially hit the DL yesterday with stress fractures in his left foot even though he had not played in a game since Monday. Utoh -- Big guy + fractures in legs=bad.  Yahoo tells me that Trumbo missed 6 months in 2011 with stress fractures in his other foot.  Something tells me that Trumbo might miss some time and/or might not be the same Trumbo if he comes back this season.  He is maintaining that this one isnt as bad as the 2001 incident, but again Big Guy+fractures in legs=bad.  Trumbo was looking to rebound this week and had started off 1 for 4 with a HR.

 

SP Chris Sale - Bob's AutoTrackers-

The ChiSox put Sale on the DL on Tuesday with a "left flexor muscle strain," whatever that is.  I played baseball for a lot of years, and though I never threw as hard as Chris Sale, nor did I use the wrong hand like he does, I have never heard of a left flexor muscle.  Thats how bad the ChiSox are right now, people are making up body parts to injure.  The move was retroactive to April 18, so Sale will be eligible to be activated again on May 3rd.   This move proves that it is willing to go toe to toe with fans.  If shirtless fans are willing to jump out of the stands and try to fight visiting first base coaches, then the Sox are willing to mess with weekly format fantasy baseball owners by waiting 4 days and cross into another week to put superstar pitchers on the DL.  As a result, Bob gets 0 innings pitched from Sale this week.  I'll blow this up as big as I can for you:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1b/OF Michael Cuddyer - You Can Call Me Al-

Cuddyer is a favorite of mine.  He was one of the few long time Twins that I could stand to watch play baseball and he always seemed to be a great Beer League softball player getting to play Major League Baseball and enjoyed every second of it as such.  Outside of a couple of big years, he has been largely an average player...until last year when, in his 13th season, his batting average jumped to .331, .050 points above his previous career high, and his OBP hit .389, nearly .025 points higher than it had ever been.  This year he has picked up largely where he left causing Uncle Jimmy to put him into the lineup replacing slow starting Eric Hosmer.  When Cuddy came out of Rockies lineup after last Thursday's game, Jimmy had been using him for 4 games.  Of course, the Rocks didnt DL him until Monday 4/21, and by then he was locked into lineup.  So to recap...games of use: 4.  Games in the lineup but on the DL: 9 though this coming Sunday.

 

 

 

 

That's it for this week.  Enjoy Panic! at the Disco

I She Be Your Power Rankings! Vol I - AKA The Goulet

Required viewing before beginning: http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail13.html
For those of you at work, you might want to wait til you get home.  Its not offensive or anything, but it might look strange if you are watching at work.  And there are tons of them and they are addicting to watch.  If you have never seen these before, I am sorry. We will see you in a week or so.

Now that you are back, I have decided to make my own little version of the AP top 25 poll that makes the college football season a little bit more interesting to pay attention to.  Now, there won't be 25 items every week (or probably any week.  There are only 10 teams for god's sake) and I might not count down in order and I might include numbers over 25.  For those of you who don't know, my mind isnt all that linear and my counting abilities have proven unreliable past 4.

We shall call this segment the "Goulet" after little remembered former Blackhawk and Quebec Nordique Michel Goulet.  Goulet played from the 1979-80 season through the 1993-94 season and scored 548 goals with 604 assists (1152 points) in 1089 career games.  Yup, over a point a game for his career.  And, even though he played in the largest offensive output era in NHL history and he is Canadian, that is still pretty impressive.  Also impressive was his 825 penalty minutes and his glorious cookie duster.  Seriously, look at that thing.  John...do it.  To celebrate Goulet, I will include 16 items this week.

I created a super secret forumla for calculating the strength of each team.  As you know, there can be some wild swings in performance during a sample size as small as 1 week, so the records of each team don't always reflect the actual strength of the team.  Actually, you know what? I am feeling giving, so I will share the super secret forumla.  I put all the teams into a roto table and assigned points to each team in each category then added them all together.  YAY MATH!

WTF?  Nick N. says Damn Right.

# 34221 Adults using their first name and last name first initial, and only that initial, in their email signatures- -1243232423 points - A collegue of mine and I have been in contact with a supplier who signs his emails with "Thanks, Jeff D."  This is the only person at this supplier that I have contact with, so its not like he runs the risk of me confusing him with another Jeff that works there.  Now, there are two reasons why someone would do this whole first name and last initial thing. The first is that he likes walking in to places and pretending he is a 1990s era DJ - "Jeff D in the muthafuckin house..bitches!!! Yeeaeaaah Boooooooooy".  The second is that he was deathly afraid of Jeff M in like the third grade and now he is terrified of Jeff M showing up somewhere and being pissed that Jeff D  dropped the last initial from his name and giving him 3 wedgies and a swirly.  And Jeff D's adult ego cannot handle that torture again.  Both of these reasons stopped being valid in the 5th grade, which for me was in 1991-1992 school year.

#149 Springfield Isotopes - 47 points - So I thought the Isotopes were doing fairly well based on their 16-19-1 record and the fact that Jerad:The Galleria of Forgetfulness has been MIA.  Then I ran the Matrix.  Well...not the actual Matrix, there is no Matrix and there is no Neo.  Just buy into the system you fleshcicle, nothing to see here.  The Topes are last in R and K, second to last in RBI and ERA, third to last in W and ERA and 4th to last in QS.  The only thing they are really doing well in is S+H and that is because everybody other than Tom and I are doing really well in S+H.  We need to figure out what is going on with Jerad because every week that passes that he isnt trying to pick someone up makes it tougher to get someone to take his team. 

#92 Jedd Jerko - 47.01 points - Still dead to me

#13a/13b - The Zach"k" Attach"k", Merry T's Moors - 51 points, 48 points - I couldn't separate them like their parents used to.  I couldn't bring myself to make them fight over the 13th spot in the Goulet like they used to have to fight over the food in the kitchen, so I lumped them together.  The Jonas brothers have very similar team scores, but are getting there in completely opposite ways.  Zach"k" has an above average offense and an absolutely abmysmal pitching staff.  The Attach"k"ed have the fewest W and QS and the highest WHIP against.  The Moors are last in BA, OBP, SLG and RBI, but are in the top 4 in ERA, WHIP and S+H.  If you put them together, there would be 1 complete awesome team (Merry T'Attack?) and one team (Zach"k" Moors?) that would rank below Adults using their first name and last name first initial in their email signature.

#12 - The lost Jonas Brother - Much like Cooper Manning, the lost Jonas brother is never heard from or thought of, but his complete failure to amount to anything in worth while in fantasy sports is what signifies his existence.  That he is rated ahead of his brothers here only shows how poorly each of their teams have been performing.  Dont worry Zach and T, your nameless brother will undoubtedly lag behind like he has so many other times.

#11 You Can Call Me Al - 61 points - Despite being in the top 4 in R and RBI, none of the rest of Uncle Jimmy's team's stats are higher than 5th in their respective categories.  I wrote in the preview that SS Jean Segura was the biggest potential overpay, but even I didnt think that he would be as bad as he has been.  Segura currently has as many RBI as SBs, and hes not leading the league in SBs, so you know thats an issue.  Luckily for Jimmy, he has the Mighty Giancarlo Stanton.  Stanton has 27 RBI already...Tyler's team has 34.

#10 Doctoring Baseballs - 63 points - Last night Michael Pineda was booted from a game against the Red Sawks for having, what can only be politely called, a shit load of sticky brown goo all over his neck.  Pineda had a similar substance on his wrist in his last game he threw, also against the Red Sawks.  So wait...people made a big deal about
him using pine tar the last time he threw, which was against the same team?  And that team didnt say anything last time and got completely dominated?  And then he threw against them again and thought, "Maybe no one will notice if I put it on my neck and then borderline strangle myself before each and every pitch?  I bet I can break the rules and dominate them again and no one will say anything."  This is some next level stupidity.  Pineda should be suspended, not for cheating, but for being an absolute moron.  Doctoring the ball has a lengthy tradition in baseball and the Red Sawks openly admitted after the first game that they would have rather had Pineda with a good grip on the ball than an iffy one.  But you can't go out and dominate a team one game bending the rules and then try it against the same team a week later.  Of course they are going to turn you in, the point of the game is to win.  It'll be interesting to see how this affect Pineda.  My guess is it won't much, but come October, if the Skankess are still in the playoff hunt, teams will be looking all over Pineda to see if theres something they can use to get him off the hill.

#9 Mark Baker All Stars - 69 points - Well then...Thats not a blow to the ego or anything. Here I am sitting in 4th place in the standings behind 3 teams that are legitly the best so far, and its entirely smoke and mirrors...and volume pitching.  MBAS is in the bottom half of the league in every hitting caterogy, but thanks to the plethora of SP,RP guys, leads the league in W, K, and QS and is 3rd in ERA and WHIP.  I have been preparing for my inevitable loss to Merry T's Moors this week since Tuesday morning.  I know its coming, but that isnt going to make it hurt any less.

#8 Dusty's Nustys - 73 points - Dusty went with the top heavy offensive approach during the draft and it has paid off huge.  The Nustys are leading the league in R, OBP and SLG, are second in RBI and 4th in BA.  This offense is going to be unstoppable when Chris Davis and Wil Myers start hitting again...and that day is coming.  The downside for Dusty is that his pitching kinda sorta sucks.  He is
in the bottom half of the league in every caterogy other than S+H.  It will be interesting to see if such an unbalanced team can be successful. or if a cold hitting streak submarines his season.

#7 The League - 74 points- So, I recently started watching the FX show, The League (which is available on the Amazon streaming service for FREE is you are an Amazon Prime member).  I had never watched it before, except for a couple of random minutes here and there over the last couple of years.  When I talk to people about Tater Tot or when i think about to while I am lying in bed at night before I dream sweet sweet dreams about it, I always call it The League.  So, I wanted to see how The League stacked up to our The League.  Truth is, our is better, but not by much.  In fact, when the character Taco was introduced I realized that they were actually basing their show about a fantasy football league on our fantasy baseball league that was not going to start for another 5 years.  Thats some next level writing ability.  Anyways, I started trying to figure out who was who.  I didnt get it all figured out, but I did figure that Jerad is the one most likely to let his wife/girlfriend run his team (which is why nothing has happened with his team), that Kyler would be Ruxin and that Uncle Jimmy would be Taco.  Though Uncle Jimmy is now married, I have witnessed his next level ability to pick up any girl within 100 feet.  Also, Jimmy
would be the one most able to convince you that he had no idea he was actually in a fantasy baseball league.

#6 LesMoles - 75 points - This one surprised the hell out of me.  When you look at the standings you see Lester the Molester sitting in 10th place with a 7-27-2 record after 3 weeks. But a quick look under the hood shows that he has played the top 3 teams in the first 3 weeks.  Tom's hitting has been excellent so far.  LesMoles are in the top 5 in every hitting category other than SBs and they lead the league in RBI.  Pitching, they are tied for the league lead in wins and tied for second in QS.  Dont worry Tom, better times are coming.

Bob dancing because of his pitching staff's strong start

#5 Bob's AutoTrackers - 78 points - Bob's still a dick.  His team, however, is performing pretty good right now.  Bob is getting by weekly based on his league leading SBs and his pitching staff, which is in the top 3 in each of the 6 pitching categories.  I said before the season that Bob may have the best top 4 in our league and that has proven true.  Hisashi Iwakuma has yet to pitch this season but Bob jumped on the Yordano Ace Ventura bandwagon before the first week and has been richly rewarded.  Chris Sale is now on the mend, but Iwakuma is due back shortly.  When both are back, its going to be tough to beat Bob in the pitching categories.


#4 Backyard Superstars - 84 points - The BySs are struggling in the counting stat categories, being no better than 6th in R, RBI, SB, W, Ks, but they are dominating the rate stats.  They are first in BA, and ERA, 3rd in OBP and SLG, first in S+H, and second in QS.  Kyler's bullpen has been stellar with neither Koji Uehara or Rafael Soriano allowing a run yet this season.

#3 - MWP Masters - 96 points - John's team is most balanced in the league at this point in the season.  He is in the top 3 in 9 of the 12 scoring categories and is no worse than 6th in any 1 category.  He pitching has been unbelievable as Jose Fernandez is somehow topping his 2013 rookie season (47 Ks in 31 innings, WTF man) and Kamakaze Tanaka has been a combination of Hideo Nomo and vintage Greg Maddux.  Offensively, Freddie Freeman is so far justifying his massive contract extension and Tacoby Bellsbury has been worth the hefty $50 price tag John paid for him.  Right now, everything John is doing is turning up roses.  Rumor has it he even has a new lady friend in his life.

#2 - We Get Tacos - all the points-1 - #1 forever and for always except right now.  When I was talking with John about this last night, I told him that I was worried it wasnt going to come out quite the way I had envisioned it in my head because in my head it was glorious and I was concerned the execution wouldn't validate the idea.  John told me, "If you give us all tacos, it will be good."

#1 The Artist Known as William Shakespeare - all the points - Yup, this one is higher in the rankings than We Get Tacos.  The Bard turns 450 years old today. It amazes me that, after all this time, the works that are attributed to Shakespeare are still read and revered today. I am not sure how many of you, if any, have seen a Shakespeare play acted out, but all of the language issues that are inherent in reading the play go away and you are left with something universally true. Big Willie style has been the standard to which all other poets and playwrights have been measured, and there has rarely been one who comes close to measuring up. Basically, Shakespeare is the Michael Jordan of writing, only if Michael Jordan's accomplishments held up over 400 years and were applicable to multiple races, cultures and genders and taught lessons about love, greed, insanity and consequence. There can never be another like him, if only becaue writers now study him so extensively that they cannot help up encorporate some of his techniques and ideas into what they are creating. There is nothing new being said in literature anymore, only slightly new ways to say it and in slightly different situations. I say the artist known as Shakespeare because there has been in increasing number of scholars over the past decade or so that are struggling to reconcile the works that are attributed to the man and the facts that are known about the man. Regardless of whether the man was THE MAN, the works stand on their own.  If you haven't read some of them, you have undoubtly have sat through them in class or watched a movie that you may or may not have known was based on something Shakespeare is credited with writing.

Roster Remodeling - Week 4

There is definitely a trend going on in the Roster Changes section of the Tater Tot blog.  There are apparently 4 of us who are unhappy with our current roster construction because Bob, the brothers Jonas and I have made moves at each of the 4 change periods.  T who shant be yler leads the way with 10 moves over 4 weeks, Zach"k" has 8 and both Bob and I have made 7 moves.  On the other side of the coin, Jerad: The Galleria of Continuity has not yet made a single move.  Unfortunately, that is only solidifying my fear that he joined the league to see how well a team on complete autopilot would do.  Or perhaps he is one of the Soviet sleeper spies like in that show The Americans where Felicity turns her back on her country and becomes a Commie Slutbag.  Only Jerad isnt a Commie Slutbag, instead he's trying to fit in with American culture so he decided to give this baseball thing a try while sitting on his couch wearing a wife beater, eating a corndog on a stick and American Pieing an apple pie.  Only he doesnt understand how fantasy baseball works and he keeps trying to give his players third base coach like signs from his couch but they won't follow what his signs are telling them to do and he's getting more and more angry.  Man those Commies are messed up.

Anyways...there were 7 roster moves this week, and, as we know, 7 is the magic number. In celebration, WE GET TACOS.  Seriously, someone go get me some tacos.  We dont have a TBell out here in St. Charles.  <Quick tangent> I still find myself looking at Colorado Rockies box scores on my phone to see if people who I dont know will get free tacos or not.  This has to be the single greatest promotional idea in the history of sporting events.  If you have people who arent fans of your team, dont live in the area and cannot benefit from your promotion in any way shape or form still following the team that you are promoting, then you have Advertising Winned.  So what if I made that term up 3 seconds ago?  And so what if Kyler and I are the only ones who think "We Get Tacos" is the new "Where's the Beef?"  <End Tangent>

Anyways on to the Not So Quiet Riot:

SP Cole Hamels - $6 - Mark Baker All Stars
It isnt often that you can get a proven #1 pitcher on the waiver wire 3 weeks into the season.  Hamels is on the DL right now, but he is scheduled to come off it and start this Wednesday against the Dodgers and get 2 starts in week 4.  If Hamels had been healthy to start the season, his career rates of nearly 1 K/inning, 1.14 WHIP and 3.38 ERA would have cost much more than $6.  The down side is that he is tied to an awful Phillies team so his wins will likely suffer, but he will get credit for quality starts.  The other downside is that his name is Cole.  Luckily though, it is with a C not a K, I don't
think I could have handled multiple Koles.

2b/SS Dee Gordon - $3 - Bob's AutoTrackers
I discovered a new toy on the yahoo site this morning; the FAAB Bids tab on the transaction section.  This new toy tells me that both Kyler and I also bid on Gordon this week, but both bid $2 to Bob's $3.  Thanks for being a dick Bob.  We all know what Gordon has been in the past -- a super fast athletic freak who couldnt hit enough or play good enough SS defense to stick at the MLB level.  But this year, Flash Gordon's kid has starting hitting and has a clear path to time at 2b until Cuban import Alex Guerrero is ready. As long as he has a starting gig, he should be eminently startable.  Also, BR.com just informed me that his Twatter handle is @flashGjr, which makes him even awesomer.


SP Scott Kazmir - $2 - Merry T's Moors
Scotty K is one of the best stories in baseball so far this year.  He was once a super prospect in the Tampa Bay Devil Rays system (#7 in all of baseball in 2005) and lived up to that promise striking out nearly 10 per 9 innings over 500+ innings between 2006 and 08.  Then in 2009 his K rate plummeted, his walk rate rose and he gave up hits at a higher rate than ever before.  The DRays dumped him on the Angels, who got 6 great starts out of him to end the 09 season.  That magic disappeared in 2010 and Kazmir was released after 1 outing in 2011.  In 2012 he was so desperate he pitched for the Independant Sugarland Skeeters, aka the team that now has Tracy McGrady throwing for them. In 2013 he won a job with the Indians and threw 150 innings with a K/9 over 9 and a walk rate lower than it had ever been in his career.  He signed with the A's this offseason and has dominated to the tune of 21 baserunners allowed in 27 1/3 innings with 24 Ks.  With a big ballpark and better than ever command, there is no reason he can't continue.  This is a nice pickup for T.

2b Jedd Gyorko - $2 - The Zach"k" Attach"k"
I recently found out that his last name is pronounced "Jerko" and could not think of a more appropriate name for him.  Look at that chin chub and those dead eyes.  He might as well be a ginger because I see no soul.  The only thing I see there is a man who thrives on stealing the souls of countless fantasy baseball players who are dumb enough to put him in their starting lineups.  You're dead to me Jedd Jerko.


C Devin Mesoraco - $2 - MBAS-
Meso"theli"raco started the season on the DL, but since his activation has been a cancer for opposing pitchers.  Too far? Judges? Allow it? OK.  In his first 10 games this year, Meso is hitting 541/571/946 and, no, those are not typos.  I checked 3 different websites.  Now, there is no way that is going to continue because Devin Mesoraco is not the greatest hitter in the history of the world.  But he was a highly touted prospect (#14 per MLB.com heading into 2012) and flashed good contact skills with 15-20 HR power in the high minors.  Also, hes from Punxsutawney, PA and him and Punxsutawney Phil are homeboys.  He also looks like a huge meathead.  And, whereas Jedd Jerko is an annoying meathead that no one wants around, Devin is a loveable meathead who makes jokes and eats lots of junk food.

OF Christian Yelich - $1 - MT'sM
Yelich is an ubertalented, top 20 prospect, 22 year old OFer who gets to hit in front of The Mighty Giancarlo Stanton.  Basically, all Yelich has to do is get on base (which he has done so far this year at a .407 clip) and TMGS will hit him in every time. Every. Time.  He's been on bas 35 times in 18 games and has already scored 15 runs.  This is a potential steal of a keeper for T's OF.  Additionally, he looks like he is about 15 years old and will soon be helping his older, hot female friends out with their Promposals.  I dont know what that is, but I hear its a thing now.


RP Tony Watson - $1 - MT'sM
Tony Watson is a member of Project Mayhem.


I have a bit of a teaser: After an off day tomorrow, I will be back with a new feature on Thursday before the ass hDLes segment on Friday.  If anyone has any other ideas for things that would be fun and/or funny to read and/or write or would go together with the stuff already here like lamb and tuna fish, let me know.

Hok, peace out.

Week 3 - The Air Up There

Week 3 saw a bunch of key rivalry matchups, all of which finished up 6-5-1, the top team through 2 weeks fall, and one team hit an absolute new low in suckery (for shame Tom...for shame).  But first, we need to do a little house cleaning and add a rule that will help keep the competitive balance of the league.  This new rule shall be henceforth refered to as the "Jerad: Galleria of Disability" rule.  Every week as I get ready to write the recaps, I look over each and every one of your rosters for the upcoming week.  There is nothing that bothers me more (in fantasy baseball or in life, really) than not taking a player on the DL out of the starting lineup.  In some cases, it is understandable.  If you have a player that is due back off the DL in the middle of the week and you dont have a better option, by all means leave the gaping hole in your roster for the week.  But if there is someone (ahhhemmmaahmememm Wilson Ramos) who has been on the DL for several weeks and will be for several more and there has been ample time to get a replacement, then that is going to draw my ire.  And as I mentioned last week in regards to Kold Calhoun, these injuries are not easily forgiven.  Therefore it is proclaimed by my rights as the Thane of Glamis and Thane of Cawdor that should any player be started for 3 consecutive weeks while that player is on the DL, the owner shall be constituted as a non active and his team shall be forfeit and he shall be removed from the league and shunned by all.

 

I have had a couple of people that I had originally contacted about joining who were "too busy" or "not into fantasy baseball" ask me about joining now that the season is already started.  Please don't let this happen.  It is not hard to take DL players out of the lineup.  Seriously, all you need to do to show me you are active is move the DL player to the bench if you cannot get a replacement via the waiver wire.  This rule is for moving forward only, so week 4 will be considered the first week that I am going to keep track for the rule purpose.

 

I'm not trying to be a dick, but if one person decides to bail, it is going to make things less fun for everyone.

Week 3 Recaps

The past 2 weeks, I have been starting with the close matchups, then moving towards the more lopsided ones.  This week, I am going to turn that on its head and recap the biggest blowout in the history of Tater Tot first, then let the tension build until it erupts in a geyser of ooey gooey magic all over your face.  I can't wait...

Bob's Autotrackers (22-12-2) 11
Lester's Molesters  (7-27-2)    1

I am going to let that sink in.

It's almost as if Tom took his team aside and said, "Guys, I feel bad for Merry T's Moors and all the shit that Lou has been giving them.  This week, we should go out there and do the worst possible job that we can.  In fact, lets stop being Molesters this week and let ourselves get Molested!"  And then a big cheer went up in the locker room and they ate the minstrels.

Seriosuly though. what else could explain the turd sandwich that Joe Mauer (200/310/200) and Torri Hunter (211/211/211) put up?  What about Chase Utley going from being one of the best players in the league during week 2 to pulling off the incredibly difficult feat of having an OBP lower than his BA with neither above .250?   Or how about David Price, the 2012 Cy Young award winner, throwing up a 10.80 ERA with a 2.20 WHIP?  The scene in the Sandlot where the boys ride the spinny thing (technical term) with big plugs of Big Chief before inevitibly swollowing some and vomitting all over everyone in the area was more fun to watch.

Outside of Adam Wainwright and Chris Sale putting up spectacular starts because that is what Adam Wainwright and Chris Sale do and Elvis Andrus single handedly winning the SB category with 5 swipes this week, the rest of the AutoTrackers biggest accomplishment was that they didn't turn in one of the worst performances of the year.


MWP Masters (22-12-2)           7
Backyard Superstars (22-11-3) 4
Tie                                             1

John's pitching staff did their best Black Knight Impression.

This matchup featured the top two teams in the Harmony divison and left BySs up by only a half game in the standings heading to week 4.  After posting the ridiculous slash line last week, Kyler's BySs other than Joey Votto (429/571/714) came back down to Earth but he was still able to win 4 of the 6 hitting categories.  John's Money Weed and Pitching Masters won 5 of the 6 pitching categories and tied the last.  It was a truely remarkable performance by John's 5 starters.  Each of them started once, all were quality starts, 4 registered wins, 3 struck out more than 10 batters and only 1 allowed an earned run (the one who allowed the run was not the one who didnt register the win).  MWP's bullpen almost did enough to let Kyler's staff back into the game.  Dear Harmony division, these are the two teams to beat after 3 weeks.



Dusty's Nustys (17-16-3)          6
Springfield Isotopes (16-19-1)  5
Tie                                             1

When I look at this matchup, I can't help but wonder, "What if?" What if Jerad had started an actual catcher for the first time since week 1, or if he had started a non DL 3rd baseman, or even, what if he had not inexplicably left SP Hiroki Kuroda on the bench with a SP slot open?  Jerad is slightly below .500 for the season and his team has played short handed in each week.  The Topes have done quite well this year in the rate stats but cannot measure up in the counting ones because the other team is playing with as many as 10-12 more player games worth of at bats.  This matchup featured my two favorite MLBers doing things that show why they are my two favorite MLBers.  Adam Jones (Topes) hit 429/455/524 (HE WALKED!!!!) with 2R, 3RBI and 2SBs and Troy Tulowitzki (Nustys) hit 500/621/818 with 8R and 6RBI.



You Can Call Me Al (17-17-2)  6
Mark Baker All Stars (20-15-1) 5
Tie                                               1

This is an actual text string between Uncle Jimmy and I:

I love this league!  This matchup came down to the bats of David Wright (464/500/500 3R 6RBI 1SB) and The Mighty Giancarlo Stanton (333/481/714 6R 10RBI),  Stanton's 10 RBI were nearly half of the total that UCCMA put up this week and his walk off Grand Salami might not have landed yet.  TMGS's homers make Brad Lidge cry a little inside every time he sees one on SportsCenter.  And I thought Lidge was impervious to crying after what Albert Pujols did to one of his pitches back in like 2005.  That ball has definitely not landed yet, and that was almost 9 years ago.  Go ahead and google Pujols HR Lidge.  I'll wait.  Spoiler Alert, it ends like this:

On the pitching side, Jose Veras tried to look this Lidge in that pitcure, once again posting an WHIP over 4.00 and an ERA over 27.00.  For the MBAS, Justin Verlander, Madison Bumgarner and Danny Salazar all had WHIPs over 1.93.  Blah.

Week 3 MSSSMRMoW



The Brother Battle  is week 3's Mike Shaw Subaru
Super Mo Replay Matchup of the Week

BROTHER BATTLE!!!!

The brothers have been battling it out over free agent pick ups for weeks as one, were not sure which one, keeps copying the other one.  Blame gets tossed around, fights start, moms are called.  Uncle Jimmy and I are like brothers, we've been best friends for nearly 15 years (holy shit we're old), but we missed out on all of those formative years where perceived slights are lashed onto, nourtured and then released at just the right moment for maximum impact.  Well...week 3 in the Tater Tot Fantasy Baseball League must have felt like Christmas morning to the brothers Jonas.  Since neither of them bothered to change their actual team names, neither one recevied a preseason bio.  Let me set the stage here then for this battle.  T who shant be yler and Zach who pronounces his name with a mysterious invisible "k" at the end were raised in Rolling Meadows, IL.  But unlike Uncle Jimmy, who was also raised there, the T and Zach"k" were on the wrong side of RM, which is commonly refered to by those of us who think RM is trashy as Rolling Ghettos.  Their parents were wonderful, hard working and respectful people who provided nicely for them, but also thought they needed to learn to fend for themselves.  So, every night, the Jonas parents would put 1 plate of food in the middle of the kitchen and take the boys to opposite ends.  Then, when the clock struck 6PM, each boy would race to the plate and whichever one got to the food first and protected it best, got to eat that night.  The others either went hungry or had to wait for scraps.  That does say "others."  There was once a third Jonas brother, but no one knows what happened to him, and he is no longer spoken about.  From that daily fight sprung a competitive force so strong that it overflows into everything they do.  When T called Zach"k" to tell him he first kissed a girl, Zach"k" responded, "Pussy, I had a girl go down on my years ago."  When Zach"k" called T to tell him he got laid for the first time, T responded with "Did she lie or did she tell you straight up that I was better?"

That brings us to today:

Team	R	RBI	SB	AVG	OBP	SLG	W	K	ERA	WHIP	QS	SV+H	Score
Zach Attack	21	15	5	0.262	0.327	0.421	4	53	2.93	1.44	3	5	6
Merry T's Moors	28	10	9	0.242	0.324	0.379	3	55	3.65	1.15	5	5	5

 Let's play matchup review again!  This is where we look at a couple of the pivotal matchups in this battle.  Look at how close this was despite T having an aweful team for the first two weeks.  Nothing like a little bad blood to bring out the fight in you.  OBP, Ws, Ks, and Sv+H could have easily slide either way in this one.

C - Mike Zunino (333/368/611 2R 3RBI) vs Carlos Santana (053/182/211 2R 2RBI)
This is like the 34th straight week that Carlos Santana has tried to perform without Michelle Branch.  Actually, that might have been Michelle Branch wearing Santana's uniform.  She couldnt have done much worse.  Zunino was a recent pickup for the Attack and paid immediate dividends.  This OBP mismatch played a huge role in giving Zach"k" that category for the week.

2b - Jose Altuve (269/321/308 1R 0RBI 4SB) vs Dustin Pedroia (318/423/455 6R 1RBI 1SB)
In the battle of Carny second basemen, Pedroia's 6 runs and triple slash line trounce Altuve's 4 SBs.  In this case, the answer to How many Altuve's is .4 Pedroias.

OF - Carlos Gonzalez, Ryan Braun, ShinSoo Choo vs Jay Bruce, Hunter Pence, Starling Marte
On name value, this is very one sided in favor of the Attack.  But this week, the Moors' OF trio kept even with the Attack threesome in runs (15 to 14 for the Attack) allowing Pedroia's 6 to carry the team to victory and added 7 of the team's 9 SBs.

Pitchers:
Stephen Stratsburg and Ervin Santana both had multi start weeks for the Moors and both produced double digit strikout totals.  But the real lift for the Moors came from a different Moore, Matt.  Matt Moore went on the DL and was dropped last Tuesday, but was in the starting lineup for the week.  That hole likely allowed the Moors to win the strikeout category and possibly the QS category.

Congrats Zach"k".  This was another epic battle in the long war between the Jonas brothers.  Enjoy the meal this week and dont worry, that girl really wasnt lying to you.  Or was she?