Finals - ass hDLes and Keepers

Right now, the championship is Tom's to lose.  With only the weekend to play, Tom has an 8-4 lead with only a couple of categories realistically up for grabs.  Runs and RBIs are two of the categories that arent out of reach for Zach, but are on the borderline of being run aways from Tom.  It doesnt help that this weeks lone ass hDLe (since the rosters are at 40, there is no need for the DL anymore...therefore, if a player is missing more than a couple of games as rest, I am deeming him an ass hDLe) is currently starting at 1b for Zach.

1b David Ortiz - Wrist injury of unknown severity - Likely done for the season
The Bo Sawks had off on Monday, then Ortiz went 0 for 3 with a walk on Tuesday and managed to reaggravate/reinjure a tendon in his wrist (reports I have seen have not specified which wrist) that caused him to miss part of the 2008 season and to be terrible enough in 2009 that there were extremely loud PED calls when he came back strong in 2010 (quick note -- I am not saying that he has never done roids.  There have been enough Bo Sawks indicated via reports (say it aint so Mo Vaughn) or failed test (Manny might be trying to get preggers!) to say it isnt far fetched that Ortiz had access to something should he have wanted it.  Hell, supposedly Ortiz even tested positive in the supposed anonymous tests the union did back in 2003 to see how much of a problem PEDs actually were in baseball (remember, while it would have been illegal to the United States for Ortiz to have steriods without a perscription, there was nothing in the rules of baseball that detailed their use as illegal, so that 2003 test does not prove that Ortiz was willing to break the rules to gain an edge...just that he was willing to break the law to do so).  But realistically, that wrist injury likely sapped much of his power and bat speed, enough to the point where he would have struggled to catch up to mediocre Mike Fiers type fastballs.  But since that injury healed (looks like prior to the 2011 season), Ortiz has been close to being the masher we all came to know from 2003 (which also happens to be the first year he was not a member of the Minnesota Tlosses) - 2007.  A hole at 1b is a bit of a fiasco for Zach, as typically, 1b is counted on to provide a decent number of RBI, if not runs, as well as OBP and SLG.  If this match ends up being close, Ortiz getting only 3 at bats in Championship week will be a huge factor. 
Also, I cant explain it, but I have a completely irrational love for players who have last names that start with a vowel but first names that dont.  The fact that I can call BJ Upton "BUpton" and his brother "JUpton" make me like each of them 78% more than I should (that doesnt mean I like them, cuz really...BUpton sucks it hard...I just like them 78% more than I would if his name was BJ McCrapperstein.  Ok bad example, if his last name was McCrapperstein he would be my favorite player).  DOrtiz has provided this joy for years. (The my lifetime LNV All Stars - C BAusmus, 1b - JOlerud, 2b - CUtley, SS - YEscobar, 3b - BInge, OF HAaron (he didnt play in my life time, but its my list, so screw off), MOrdonez, and PO'Neill, DH DOrtiz -- SPs JAbbott, SAvery, ROswalt, TOhka, RPs DEckersley, JIsringhausen (MVP!)...sadly I did not have to dig for this list as I have thought about this before).

As for keepers - Though I have messaged him several times in several different ways, I still have not heard back from Tyler, but I think that it has been long enough.  There were 8 votes cast (Tyler and I being the other 2).  There were 3 votes for March 1, 2015, 3 votes for at the draft, and 2 votes for the graduated plan.  I asked the 2 people who voted for the graduated plan to recast their votes for one of the other two options just in case I didnt hear back from Tyler and each of them voted for March 1, 2015.  So...that means that KEEPERS WILL BE DUE ON MARCH 1, 2015.  I will send out a couple of reminders.  If one does not send in keepers by that date, I will set their keepers for them using their 10 highest salaried players regardless of position. 

Week 24 ass hDLes - No man's land

There are absolutely no guys who qualify for the ass hDLes this week.  Between the limited number of teams remaining in the league (remember, I only consider the playoffs to be the 6 team that made the "winners bracket"...and thats down to 4) and the expanded MLB rosters which dont require teams to put a player on the DL in order to call up a replacement, the odds of there being any more ahDLes is pretty remote.  Which makes me feel sadness...not the type of sadness that was felt by the Tampa Bay defense after I dropped them this week (really, how else can you explain giving up 56 straight points to start last nights game?), more like the sadness you feel when you realize there are no more pizza rolls in the freezer after you have decided that you want pizza rolls.  We're talking total, complete sadness.

In trying to stick to my pledge to not acknowledge the existence of the game which shall not be talked about, I havent checked in on my team at all this week (before today), which has made my wife a very happy person (I cannot tell you how many times she made disapproving comments about how often I checked my phone when I was following along with games that had my players in them).  So this morning, I decided to give a quick glance at the MLB box scores (Im still trying to avoid ours until Sunday sometime...there is a proper mourning period when your team dies for the season).  There were a few random things that stood out (like Robinson Cano and Kold Calhoun having nearly identical slugging percentages) as odd.  The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, USA, Earth trotted out a lineup that featured several players whom I either had never heard of or didnt realize were on the LAAACUE.  Heres the starting 9 for them last night (against King Felix, no less).

That is Tony Compana...not the bat boy

CF Tony Campana
SS Gordon Beckham
RF Brennan Boesch
DH CJ Cron
1b Efren Navarro
2b Grant Green
C Hank Conger
3b Luis Jimenez
LF Shawn O'Malley

I only had to look up the first names of 3 of those guys...and I feel pretty good about that.  Only 1 of those guys should be ever starting in a MLB game (CJ Cron), though a couple would be valuable reserves (Campana for speed, Beckham, and maybe Green, for defense, Boesch for his ability to go half seasons without hitting a ball out of the infield).  The rest of those guys arent even has beens, they are never gonna bes.  The highest OBP of anyone in the lineup was O'Malley's .333, but hes only gotten a handful of at bats, so really, the honor falls to the .303 posted by Efren...AGAINST FELIX HERNANDEZ, aka the best pitcher on the planet not named Clayton Kershaw (who is having some issues with the Cubbies in the first inning of todays game...he will no doubt not allow much else).  Big surprise....Felix threw 7 shutout innings, allowing 3 hits, 2 walks and striking out 11 (Tony Campana struck out 4 times in the game, Grant Green , 3 times).  Gordon Beckham saw 9 pitches in his 4 hittless plate appearances.  Boesch pulled off the miracle of seeing 9 pitches in 4 plate appearances and walking in one of them (though it was intentional...for some reason the Mariners couldnt hit and it was a 0-0 game into the 9th).  Great stuff out in the OC.

There was one other thing, it started out as an observation and then threw me head first down the rabbit hole and I am pretty sure that I stumbled on something nefarious going on.  First, I simply noticed that Corey Dickerson (whom Bob so dickishly stole from me and someone else who I cant remember) had a slugging percentage (.566) over .100 points higher than Robby Cano and Calhoun.  I mentioned it to Kyler, who basically said, "DUH! all the Rockies have high slg % because they play at Coors."  Full disclosure:  I was all in on the Rockies at the beginning of the year.  Between getting tacos, Adam Ottavino and Troy Tulowitzki, I was ALL IN.  Then Ottavino stopped getting everyone out, Tulo went down, CarGo started dealing with a multitude of injuries that eventually led to him being shut down and with the two of them went every chance of getting tacos.  I bailed.  I am a Rockies bandwagon jumper offer.  So...I had no idea that they were leading the league in most offensive categories.
I remember Coors field as the hitter's paradise that it was in the mid/late 1990s through the early 2000s when guys like Andres Galarraga, Ellis Burks and Dante Bichette (If anyone says something bad about Dante, I might actually stop being friends with you), but it has largely played like a slightly above average hitters park in recent years.  I wanted to check on Dickerson's splits to see what they looked like.  EEEEE GADS! Either than man performs better when he gets some “home cooking” (and by that I mean he gets some from his lady friend), loves wearing pin stripes or someone at Coors Field is feeding him pitch locations. Check this out:

Dickerson -

Home – 244 PA, 82 H, 18 2b, 5 3b, 14 HR, 20-37 bb-K, 371/422/688 for a 1.110 OPS…that’s like inner circle Hall of Famer great

Road -   212 PA, 47 H, 9 2b, 0 3b, 9 HR, 16-59 bb-k, 242/297/428 for a .725 OPS…that’s like 1970s middle infielder bad

 

WTF mate.  And its not just him.  Here are the Rockies splits as a team:

320/371/525 at home  115 HR, 202 BB, 515 K

227/277/354 on road     60 HR, 141 BB, 678 K

Maybe Coors is playing like an extreme hitters park again.  How else do you explain one team going from the greatest hitting team in the history of the major leagues at home to the worst hitting team in the history of the major leagues on the road?  Surely, if the park is playing great for hitters, like it was in the 90s, we would see that reflected in the pitching stats:

 

Slash against Rockie pitching:

284/348/453 at home  87 HR allowed 265 BB, 510 K

266/336/435 on the road 78 HR allowed, 245 BB, 505 K

 

Utoh.  That line is what I would expect to see from a slightly above average hitters park. 

 

So, to see if there was a prescident for it, I checked out the 1996 Rockies.  In 1996, more runs were scored at Coors Field than have been scored at any park in any one year in the history of MLB.

The 96 Rockies:

343/408/579 at home  149 HR, 298 BB, 504 K

228/295/357 on road,   72 HR, 229 BB, 604 K

 

Ok, maybe there is a trend here...maybe the Rockies just sign and develop players who hit lots of flyballs that go out of the yard at home, but fall to the warning track (and opponents gloves) on the road (this is the reason Kyler gave).  The 1996 split is actually more extreme than the 2014 one. Lets see what the pitching stats look like.

 

Against:

304/375/501 at home, 122 HR allowed, 314 BB, 457 K

264/346/421 on road,   76 HR allowed, 310 BB, 475 K

 

Basically, not as extreme as the home splits, but there is significant difference here...because the home field played extremely offense heavy for both the hitters and the pitchers of each team.  Every one in 1996 hit better when they played at Coors Field.  In 2014, only the Rockies hitters were significantly better at Coors, their opponents werent. 

 

That leads me to one conclusion.  The Rockies are getting information at home that the other team isnt getting, and that the team isnt getting when they are on the road...aka stealing pitches or locations.  For the most part, a player is what a player is.  Sleeping in his own bed, hanging out with his own friends/family, being on his normal routine at home can make a player more comfortable and therefore make him perform better.  So can being familiar with the hitting background and the configuration of the seats in his line of vision.  But those things dont take a terrible MLB player and turn him into a Hall of Famer. And it certainly doesnt do it to an ENTIRE TEAM OF PLAYERS like Coors Field is doing to the 2014 Rocks.   I know guys like Tulo and CarGo (when healthy) and even Cuddyer can hit no matter where they are, but the numbers for the whole team are concerning.  I hope that I am wrong.  I hope that there is an reasonable explanation for it. 

Week 22 ass hDLes - Oprah style bean balls

There are only a couple of teams playing this week, so it makes sense that there arent very many entries in to the ass hDLes portion of the blog this week.  I am not going to do a great big introduction for this one because I am going to end up writing way way too much in the entry on TMGS, so...I'll hit up David Wright and then move on to Giancarlo.

New York Mets on behalf of 3b David Wright - MBHB - Shoulder injury, shut down for season
Dear New York Mets-
Why you gotta decide to shut someone down on Tuesday afternoon?  Waviers run on Tuesday morning, so your decision to wait an extra 12 hours basically eliminated any chance I would have had to pick up a replacement from waivers for next week's matchup (should I make it there with a lineup that already includes Wright who will provide no stats this week) and forced me into a terrible trade where I had to give up 25 year old up and coming, soon to be perennial MVP candidate 1b Anthony Rizzo for the 36 year old android hitting machine Aramis Ramirez (I will get into this trade on Tuesday as part of the normal waiver adds, but just know that I wasnt terribly pleased about having to make it).
Thanks,
The Commish

Overall, Wright has been pretty average this year, which means, in a 10 team fantasy league, that he has been pretty terrible.  His .324 on base percentage and .374 slugging percentage are both the lowest marks of his "hall of very good" worthy career (that means not quite hall of fame, but definitely someone who will be remembered as a great player...his #1 comp on B-R is Scott Rolen, which is an apt comparison.  Its tough to remember that Wright, finishing his 11th year in MLB is only 31 years old (and is signed with the Mets through 2020, his age 37 season).  With the down year and the high salary, Wright is not in the keeper discussion and will likely hit the waiver wire this coming Tuesday).


OF TMGS - UCCMA - Broken Face, likely shut down for the season
There was an epidemic of bean balls last night.  Chase Headley took one off the grill. Carlos Gomez got one.  Mike Trout got a pair.  Andrew McCutchon just missed getting one.  But the worst, and probably the one with the largest impact in fantasy and in real life, was the one suffered by Giancarlo Stanton. I am guessing that, by now, most if not all of you have seen the play where Brewer (and MBHB) pitcher Mike Fiers throws one up and in on Giancarlo that just keeps running all the way in until it hits Stanton in the face.  I am not going to link it, if youve seen it, then you know that you dont need to see it again.  If you havent seen it, you should know that you are probably better off not seeing it.  The ball made contact squarely with Stanton's cheek and fell straight down the first base line.  I have seen something like this live.  When I was in college, we were playing a game against Southwest State (before they were SW MN St.) and one of the pitchers on our team threw a high and tight heater in the upper 80s that connected with the batter's face...the ball bounced all the way back to the mound.  Neither player was ever the same.  Our pitcher could no longer through a fastball on the inner half of the plate because he feared what he could do to another person.  The batter, who we saw again in each of the next couple of seasons, bailed out on almost every pitch thrown on the inner half.  Baseball players, both pitchers and hitters, have to train their bodies and minds to react to things in the shortest amount of time imaginable (a 90 MPH fastball goes from the pitchers hand to the catcher's mitt in 0.42 seconds.  If a hitter wants to make contact with that ball, he needs to see the pitch, determine the pitch type and the location, decide if he wants to swing or not, then start his swing in about .25 seconds from the time the ball leaves the pitchers hand). 

Great MLB hitters like TMGS have hand eye coordination skills that the average person cannot begin to comprehend.  That is one of the reasons why it is so surprising to me to see the approach and partial swing that Stanton took at the pitch.  He never once tried to get out of the way of the ball.  Now, I have no idea what that means, and I certainly dont think that he was trying to get himself hit in the face, but it is strange that he so terribly misjudged the path that the ball was going to take (it almost looks like he thought the pitch was going to be a curve ball or something that changed directions and ended up out over the outter half of the plate).  Hopefully, that miscalculation isnt career altering. 
In addition to teaching oneself to react extremely quickly and to have your body respond to those directions, both hitters and pitchers have to teach themselve to ignore the very real possibility of either seriously injuring someone else or getting seriously injured themselves.  Pitchers have to be able to put out of their head that, on any given pitch they have the potential to kill another person.  Advances in protective equipment for batters have rendered the possibility of that happening rather slim (these arent the days of Ray Chapman and the batters who wore their hats up to the plate), but the potential for that, and the other more likely injuries like broken bones, are real.  If you have seen the way that Mike Fiers reacted when the ball hit Stanton and TMGS fell like a sack of potatoes, you could see the realization wash over Fiers.

In that exact moment, he recognized the power and responsibilty that he was holding as a pitcher.  His body language, his post game comments, and the fact that the next pitch hit the batter who came on for Stanton (though both the ball that hit Stanton and the one that hit Reed Johnson were called strikes on swing attempts...Casey McGehee disagreed) show me that Fiers might not be able to successfully come back from this experience.  I hope that he does, in part because he is on my fantasy team but moreso because he is the type of player who gets passed over by most of the MLB organizations today.  He has a below average fastball velocity for a right hander.  He has never been highly regarded as a prospect despite a career minor league WHIP of 1.01 with 537 strike outs over 484 innings pitched (10.0 K/9) with only 120 base on balls (2.2 BB/9).  If you looked at the numbers, and not at the person or the pitch movement/velocity, you would have assumed that the player in question was an MLB superstar who was injured a lot and spent a ton of time on rehab assignments, not a journeyman minor leaguer praying to get one more shot in the Bigs. 

Fiers just knows how to pitch in the way that someone like Trevor Bauer or Archie Bradley or Tuijuan Walker, who have all the "stuff" scouts look for, never will.  MLB needs more people like Fiers.

As hitters, people arent born ith the ability to ignore/be ok with a baseball moving at 90 MPH traveling directly at you.  Its the reason that curveballs and sliders are so successful at the lower levels of competitive baseball; your body's normal reaction is to get the fuck out of the way.  When Stanton makes it back to a batter's box over the winter, or in spring training next season, his reaction to the first pitch that comes inside is going to be very telling.  A player can get over being hit in the thigh, or the back, or the arm, or even in the helmet.  Bruises and the sound of the plastic thump go away and can be forgotten easily.  I used to get hit so often than my teammates used to joke that I had a baseball magnet in my helmet and I dont recall a single one of them in any detail (though I, and the scars on my leg) do vividly recall getting spiked in the knee).  But getting hit in the face is a different story.  There is a different kind of pain associated with that, and overcoming the body's natural urge to protect itself from that kind of pain is tricky.  There is also the danger for permanent damage to something like TMGS's eye.  Look at the case of Tony Conigliaro.  Conigliaro was a Bo Sawks OFer in the 1960s.  He came up in 1964 as a 19 year old and hit a still standing MLB record 24 HRs as a teenager, which he followed up with a league leading 32 in his second season (at 20, he became the youngest player to ever lead his league in HRs).  During the first half of the 1967 season (his 4th), he became the second youngest player ever to hit 100 HRs (behind Mel Ott).
His age 21 most comparable player per BR is Mickey fricken Mantle.  In short, he was a breakout superstar in his early 20s playing for one of the most storied and tourtured franchises in professional sports.  In August of the '67 season, he was hit in the left cheekbone by a fastball from the Angels journeyman pitcher Jack Hamilton and had to be taken off the field on a stretcher.  Tony C missed all of the 1968 season and made  a decent comeback in '69 followed by a career year in '70 (266/324/498 with 36 HRs and 116 RBI).  But after 1970, he played in only 95 career games and hit only 6 more HRs due to increasingly poor vision in his left eye that was a direct result of the beaning.  You wouldnt have to change much to be describing Stanton.  Stanton came up as a 20 year old and hit 22 HRs in his first half season, then hit 34 in his second (giving him 66 through 2 seasons, exactly the same number as Tony C).  Stanton also hit his 100th HR in his 4th season, though he was a year older than Conigliaro because he started a year later.  This year, Stanton has blossomed into an all around superstar, hitting a league leading 37 HRs, flashing great defense and even stealing 13 bases in 14 attempts.  The early reports are that Stanton will not need surgery to repair anything (just some dental work and some stitches) and that he even hopes to return before the end of the season (hopefully the Marlins are smart enough to keep him out, they are 5.5 games out with 17 to play).  If we're lucky, Stanton will return to being a once in a generation talent who can hit baseballs further than many of us can dream that a baseball can be hit.  Hopefully there is never another Ray Chapman or Tony Conigliaro.  Hopefully Mike Fiers recovers and we can all move on from this and forget that it ever happened (other than Jim, whose playoff hopes took a serious hit when you remove TMGS even for a couple games).

Week 20 ass hDLes -

Happy Friday Tot Heads.  Uncle Jimmy sent this little nugget of awesomeness to me today and I have to share. The Jesus Montero Ice Cream Sandwich Incident.  I'm gonna go wander off on a couple of things on this because it is an otherwise pretty slow day in the Tot League.  Occasionally baseball players (and scouts) are not just ass hDLes, but actual ass holes.

First off, for those of you who dont remember Jesus Montero, he was a one time NYY top catching prospect (and #3 in all of baseball coming into the 2011 season according to Baseball America and Baseball Prospectus) who was traded to the Mariners for Michael Pineda (there were a couple others involved, but they sucked before the trade and havent done anything to change that since).  In 2010 with the AAA Scranton Wilkes-Barre Yankees, Montero hit 289/353/517 with 21 HRs while playing exclusively behind the plate and throwing out nearly 25% of baserunners...as a 20 year old.  Read those stats again and think about what you were doing when you were 20 (I can barely remember that long ago).  He followed that up by hitting 288/348/467 with 18 HRs (in 41 fewer plate appearances than 2010, so he basically had almost the same season) but saw his CS% slip to 20%.  He was rewarded with a September Cup of Coffee which he used to build his hype even more...hitting 328/406/590 with 4 2bs and 4 HRs in 69 plate appearances.  Montero was the stuff career baseball people tell their grandchildren about.  He was a power hitting catcher whose batting average wouldnt destroy his value (the anti-Mike Zunino, if you will) and who also wasnt a turn style who would let fast baserunners run at will against him (this was always the knock on Mike Piazza).  Basically, many in baseball viewed Montero as the next coming of Piazza with the bat who would be slightly better behind the dish.

This one isnt going to have the distance, folks.

The fact that he was traded for Pineda should speak to the expectations many around baseball had for him.  Pineda was coming off a 2011 season in whish he had thrown 171 innings with 173 strikeouts and a 1.09 WHIP as a 22 year old rookie.  Oh yeah, and he is 6'7" tall, weighs 265 pounds and is a genuinely terrifying physical presence.  It appeared as though the Mariners were going to send a 1-2 punch of King Felix and Pineda at the AL West for the next decade and that they were going to be very effective in doing so.  I remember thinking at the time that the Mariners were nuts to make the trade.  You dont trade someone who has proven themselves at the MLB level as an Ace caliber pitcher for a minor leaguer and expect it to turn out well, even if it is a minor leaguer who everyone thinks is going to be the next big thing (look at the track record of trades involving a MLB player for minor leaguers...they almost always end up in favor of the team acquiring the MLBer...this does not make me more pessimistic about the Cubs trading 2/5ths of their starting rotation for a mop up pitcher and 2 prospects...not at all).  Anyways, at the time people thought it would be a win-win.  The Mariners were having trouble getting free agents to want to sign there (which is why they paid Robby Cano roughly the equivalent of the GDP of Greece to sign with them last winter) and needed an impact bat (as a team in 2011, their OPS was 16% below league average including 81 starts for Chone Figgins, who hit .188/241/243 for an OPS+ of 40) and the Yankee starting rotation had some question marks following the departure of AJ Burnett and Bartolo Colon after the 2011 season.

Now with real pine tar on the neck and wrist!

From there, it all went to shit in a hurry.  Pineda tore the labrum in his right shoulder sometime during Spring Training before the 2012 season and was shut down for good in April without having thrown a regular season pitch for the Yankees.  He missed all of 2013 as well, but started 2014 off well before re-injuring himself amidst multiple pine tar incidents (which we have covered before).
Montero played the entire 2012 season with the big team in Seattle as a 22 year old, but regressed in every possible way (or so I thought until today) and his defense became so untennable that the Mariners turned him into a full time DH...though calling his 260/298/386 line a "hitter" might be stretching the definition a bit.  He did hit 15 HRs, but only walked 29 times in 553 plate appearances.   He got worse in 2013.  He got only 110 plate appearances with the big team, hitting 1 HR and putting up a 208/264/327 slash line for an OPS 32% worse than league average.
In 2014, he reported to camp fat (like 40+ pounds fatter than the Mariners expected) and alternated between injured and ineffective (though he has been decent in AAA), which brings us to the present.
If you havent yet, go read the article that I linked.  I'll wait.
Welcome back to those who left.  Thanks to those who stayed.  First off...holy fucking balls man.  How much would you have paid to be in those stands to see this epic showdown which culminated in a flying ice cream sandwich?  $100? $200? $0.25?  There are so many questions...why was a Mariner's scout heckling his own player?  And why take it to the "I'm going to send that guy a ice cream sandwich in the dugout because I think he's fat" place?  Why did Montero get mad? Ice cream sandwiches are delicious; I would have been stoked if someone sent me one when I was playing.  It would have been like treat time after the game in little league.  Why did Montero go nuts and go after the scout with a bat? And why. oh why, did Montero have to harm that defenseless ice cream?  Did the ice cream hit the target or was some innocent 8 year old girl victimized?  I am not sure the world will ever know, but I am pretty sure that both the scout and Montero put nice big nails in their respective careers with this one.  That scout should never be let near another potential player, which, you know, makes it hard to scout them.
 Montero enters the Carl Everett/Milton Bradley zone for players whose mental make up made them...we will call it "difficult" to employ...only Everett and Bradley were certifiable big league hitters in addition to being certifiable crazy pantses...and Montero's career OPS is 4% worse than average (it should be much worse but it isnt due to his insanely good first 69 plate appearances).  I seriously cannot stop imagining Montero (in full catcher's gear..even through I know he wasnt playing in this game, its way more fun) trying to climb the railing next to the dugout but being held back by teammates until he finally gives in and as a last gasp of rage throws the ice cream sammie which (in my imagination) misses the target by 8 rows.  For this week (and probably for life)...Montero gets the real ass hole tag.

On to the fake ass hDLes-

1b,2b Daniel Murphy - BySs - Right Calf Strain
Where I come from, we call these cramps.  Murphy's addition to the DL could very well send Kyler's team to the brink as he doesnt have another 2b on the roster and wont be able to get one until week 1 of the playoffs.  With BySs only 3 games up on the Dust Bunnies for the last playoff spot, missing a 2b, especially one as productive as Daniel Murphy has been is going to leave a pretty sizeable gap in Kyler's hitters production.  There could be a Scooter Gennett sighting in the Tot League for the playoffs...and that makes me almost as happy as imagining Jesus Montero throwing deserts.

OF Shin Soo Choo - ZAttack - Left Elbow Bone Spurs
Choo is out for the year following the decision to surgically remove the chips in his elbow.  That leaves Zach in a bind, but not one like Kyler has, as Matt Kemp can slide into Choo's position (and has on several occasions this year because Choo has sucked it something awful for the majority of the season).  This should have little to no impact on Zach chasing a playoff berth or performing in the playoffs.

THE ENTIRE MARK BAKER HITLESS BASTARD TEAM
So...heres the deal.  MBHB was 11 games up on the 7th spot this week, a virtual lock for the playoffs.  And then they went all 2011 Boston Red Sox/Atlanta Braves.  With 3 days left in the week, we are chasing 11-1 with a matchup with Dusty's Bunnies awaiting in the last week of the season.  The possibility of entering next week's matchup being up only 2 or 3 games on the last playoff spot is suddenly very real.  The epic collapse of the 2014 Hitless Bastards may very well end up the subject of a 30 for 30 short film called, "When Ice Cream Sandwiches Attack."

Week 19 ass hDLes - The knee that launched a thousand tears

I have been doing a lot of prep work for the upcoming fantasy football draft season.  Strangely, I do a lot more research on the upcoming football season than I do when the baseball season rolls around.  Maybe that's because I have never had a reason to prep for baseball the way I do for football because there is always money involved in the football leagues that I play in...and I am guessing that I will be overly researched when the Tat Tot 2.0 draft rolls around next March (just a reminder about that...Tater Tot 2.0 draft will be a live event at my house in the first weekend of the NCAA tournament.  I believe that my wife is taking the kiddies out to Nana and Grandpa's place, so there will be plenty of hijinks Friday night for those who want to come and stay the weekend followed by boys doing silly things, video games, NCAA basketball and drafting in some order on Saturday, then more silly things, a bit more NCAA basketball and cleaning up before I boot whoever is left out on Sunday.  Maybe you can't tell, but I am already looking forward to this.  I havent figured out what to do if someone cant make the draft on Saturday, which is why I am putting this out there this far in advance.  Hopefully there is more than enough time to make/change plans and/or keep this weekend open.).  In football, I often try to come up with some unique formula that does the player rankings so that I am looking at a slightly different group of players than everyone else.  It usually works out and my teams are generally competitive.  What usually ends up happening is that I usually find 1 player who, for some reason, is either vastly overrated by my rudimentary formula or vastly underrated by the Yahoo and ESPN draft list...and that player ends up on ALL of my teams and I end up taking him in every single mock draft that I do.  This year, that has been made 2048378 times worse thanks to this.  It is a mock draft simulator.  If you hit the start over button, you can alter the settings, the roster sizes, the league size and set which pick you want.  Then it will analyze your roster against the rest of the league to see where you stack up in the projections.  There is a pay version, but this basic one is free.  You're welcome.  And I am sorry to your jobs/girlfriends/wives/children who you will see less over the next couple of weeks.
Anyways, back to the "Mine" player.  Remember in Finding Nemo, how all the seagulls think that whatever they see is theirs?  That is how I inevitably end up feeling about the player I was describing above.  For example, for some silly reason, over the past 4 or 5 years I have continuously end up with players like Kenny Britt and Andre Brown on my teams, depending on the year.  Now...Britt straight up sucks.  He often either isnt healthy or good enough to play, but he keeps popping up on my teams.  Brown is at least useful when he isnt broken, though it will be tough to have him this year seeing as how he isnt currently employed.  I have had a few decent calls as well, guys like Cecil Shorts a couple years ago.  I'm not gonna share who my guys are for this year, since many of us are playing in the horribly titled "Awesome Guys League" (good job Kyler.  I dont really need the esteem boost, but it is a nice feeling to, every time I log in to ESPN, see that I am one of the few, the proud, the Awesome Guys), but there are a couple who have again emerged from my magical (read: made up) list as targets and more will emerge as waiver pickups as the season gets underway.  I have found a similar phenomenon in baseball, only since I didnt prep much for the draft, it has been based on the performance of certain players on my team.  I know that a few of the rest of you have had a similar experience (Jimmy...TMGS.  Kyler...ManBearPuig).  Certain guys, like Adam Ottavino (until he imploded and stopped getting people out) have started popping up on my ESPN teams. The funny thing (or maybe its normal, I dont know.  I am not a normal person, so I have very little frame of reference for what constitutes normal) is that in football, I dont find myself getting attached to the players throughout the year.  In baseball...I have gotten very attached to them.  When I had to cut Ottavino because he performance was so far below replacement level that he needed a periscope on top of a periscope on top of the Sears (I refuse to call it Willis) Tower, I struggled to push the add button...and then I poured one out for my departed homie the next time I took a drink of water (its fantasy baseball...I'm not wasting beer).
So, suffice to say that on Tuesday night I was more than a little distraught when the news reports (and accompanying text message from Jim) about Garrett Richards and his knee implosion starting rolling in.  Before the season, I could not have told you a single thing about Garrett Richards other than he was a pitcher and he was on the Angles (I maybe could have told you he was mediocre last year).  When I heard the news (I refuse to watch the video), I actually felt empathy towards him; the first through I had was "what would I do if I were a MLB player enjoying a huge breakthrough season and securing myself many millions of dollars and it was cut short doing something that I have done literally several hundred times before?"  My next thought was, "Fuck, my fantasy team is pretty much boned even if I do make the playoffs", but that is not the important part.  Through having him on my fantasy team, I have become a Garrett Richards fan.  It's hard to explain.  I have Madison Bumgarner on my team (yeah MadBum) and I want him to do well so that his good performance helps my fake team.  I now have Anthony Rizzo, and I want him to do well because his good performance helps both my fake team and my real life favorite team.  I want Richards to do well because I want him to do well.  I admire the things that he is able to make a baseball do and that he seems like a generally decent person who is living out the best case scenario of his wildest dream (well...until Tuesday night).  Yeah, it helps my fake team and he generally doesnt play against my favorite team, but if he wasnt on my team and he was throwing against the Cubbies every day, I would still probably want him to do well.  I feel weird writing that, because its kinda "Hand that Rocks the Cradle"-ish, but it's true.  Were he to some how end up on the Cubs, I probably would have to go against every fiber of my being and buy an MLB shersey (though, if I can figure out how to make a MBHB shersey, I am totally doing it...I may end up with a couple of them - Richards 43, Springer 10 Joc Pederson - if he ever gets called up to LA).  Luckily, the Angels wouldnt trade him right now for anything short of Kris Bryant and Addison Russell and Jed Hoyer/Theo Epstein arent moving either of those two guys. So, with a heavy heart:

SP.RP Garrett Richards - MBHB - Destroyed Patellar Tendon - out 6 - 9 months
Richards has been one of the best pitchers in the AL this year, posting a 13-4 record with a 2.61 ERA, 1.04 WHIP and 164 strikeouts in 168 2/3 innings.  Opponents are hitting .201 against his with only 5 HRs.  He has the 10th highest WAR amonst pitchers according to B-R.com and is leading the league in lowest HR against per 9 innings (0.26) and also wild pitches (22!!!!).  He is all over the B-R leader page, even in some things that you would need a PhD to explain.  His loss to both the Angels and to MBHB is measurable (I was going to say immeasureable, but turns out baseball keeps stats on things) and mammoth.  For the Angels, it may well mean the difference between a division title and a wild card berth, which they would then need to win without their best pitcher.  For the Hitless Bastards, it means another week with only 4 SPs in what are the most critical weeks of the season.  Looking forward, the injury puts in doubt Richards status as a keeper.  For $4, a healthy Richards is a no brainer.  But if he is on the long end of the rehab schedule, he will not be ready until mid May 2015, and may or may not be back to full strength...and knee injuries to pitchers who throw hard and generate a lot of torque on their body tend to linger and flare up from time to time.  The list of starting pitchers who have catastrophic knee injuries and come back as strong as they were before is not terribly long (I cannot think of any off the top of my head), though the list of pitchers with catastrophic knee injuries is not terribly long either. 

That brings me to my next point...dont smoke crack when do we want to have keepers due?  I will send out an email to the league with a few options (at the end of this season, before spring training, 1 week before the draft, at the draft) and majority will rule the day. 

Friday Machado Fry

"No regrets, thats my motto...that and everybody Wang Chung tonight."  There were lots of things that I loved when I was in college...drinking pallets of old spice, waking up at 11am, going to bed at 2am, playing video games because a video game was there to be played (for those of you still in college, enjoy these things..they dont last forever.  And while I dont think I would ever wish that I could do them again because I truely do love the life that I have now, I do look back on them fondly.  Ok, ok, ok...I do truely love my life, but maybe like two or three times a year I wish that I could stay up til 2am while drinking pallets of old spice and playing video games just to play video games and then not have to wake up until 11am...this is where the 2015 Tater Tot fantasy draft comes in. I expect to be doing each of these things on the Friday and Saturday night of draft weekend.  And I expect that most, if not all, of you will be in attendence for these festivities as well as for the actual auctioning off of athletic young men.  And really, when I put it that way, how can you say no?)  One of the things that I loved most about college was watching completely stupid and pointless movies that existed for no purpose other than to be stupid and pointless...and extremely hillarious.  One of the best of them that I am guessing most of you havent seen, was 2001's Out Cold.  If you havent seen it, do it.  Like right now.  The cast list reads like the Cubbies September roster might read 10 years from now.
You've got: AJ Cook (thats a girl for those of you who care about that kind thing), who went on to be one of the main characters on Criminal Minds (shes really only mildly funny in this movie, which, compared to the rest of the cast makes it seem like she shouldnt really be there); David Denman, who I have never seen in anything but this movie, but was in The Office and Parenthood (neither of which I have ever watched; Caroline Dhavernas, who is currently Dr Alaina Bloom on Hannibal (which is pretty spectacular in the most gorey and gruesome way possible.  My wife and I watch about half of each show through our fingers because some of the crime scenes will leave you scarred and nightmarey for weeks); Zach Galifianakis, who needs no explaination; Willie Garson, who is Mozzie on USA's White Collar (if you havent watched much of the USA original programming, where have you been?  I havent bothered with the new show Satisfaction, because it looks irreprehensible, but nearly everything else that USA has put out over the past 5 years or so has been solidly written and produced); David Koechner, aka "WHAMMMMMMMY" from Anchorman; Thomas Lennon, who was a writer for the TV show The State (which only Uncle Jimmy and I will likely remember), wrote Let's Go to Prison, and created and wrote for Reno 911! amongst other things; The Six Million Dollar man, Lee Majors; Victoria Silvstedt, who, if you have ever seen Basketball you know, was the 2007 Playboy Playmate of the Year.  Who is not watching this movie?  Throw in a few all-time one liners (mostly from Galafianakis who was in his first decent sized movie role) and you have an instant stoner/college classic.  (Example of one liners: "This suit is really cramping my Hardy Boys. It's no mystery. ", "when I want advice about a good Planet of the Apes film or maybe how to get the resin out of my bong I'll come to you ok? But I am not gonna take romantic advice from somebody who cannot spell romantic or advice... or bong.", "I was there. Yeah, it was called the '80s. Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House and FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bummin' in a hole-in-a-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts making so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets are running with latte. It got so bad that a fella that liked to, you know... smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, was "uncouth, against God." and "This uniform is really cramping my Olsen Twins. Lance, Can I get a drink for Mary Kate and Ashley?").

Anyways, the quote at the top of the page is also from the movie, which is what spawned that whole crazy, possibly incoherent paragraph type thing.  I wish that I had no regrets, but in reality everyone does.  I regret that I havent been able to post on the past few Thursdays and likely wont get to for the forseeable future.  Thats not terribly high on my list of regrets, but its there.  In fantasy sports, regret is a direct result of playing.  I regret my decision to drop Devin MesoHornyraco right before he went on a hot streak...same with Josh Harrison, who went on an all-time hot streak.  I regret keeping Justin Verlander-Upton in my lineup for the entire season, thinking that he was eventually going to stop being a bad impression of Steve Trachsel (or Rubén Quevedo for you Brewer's fans in the crowd; or Carlos Silva for you Twinkies) and turn back into Justin Verlander.  But that is half the fun of it and it gives those of us in the league together something to talk about.  I would rather drop 4 All-Stars (which I think I might have done already this year) than not make any changes because I was worried I might make a mistake (aka the Dusty Principle).  It is the same way in life.  I would rather that my kids make mistakes trying things and learning about what to do and what not to do than to not try anything at all.  So...keeping in mind that it might be a huge mistake, we are moving forward with the double up of carrying this on through the football season as well as finishing out the fantasy baseball season.  Kyler and I talked about it, and we think that we can make it work.  I am not sure exactly what the formats will be (like when we'll post or what the posts will be about), but we will figure it out...and soon.  The blog will follow along with a football league that Kyler has run for a couple of seasons (I actually have no idea how long it has run.  At this point, all I know is that it is a 1 man keeper league and the team that I inherited has AP on it).  There will be more info to follow for those of you who are playing or who want to follow along just because following things is fun.

And with that...on to a relatively paltry group of ass hDLes.  For some reason, I felt like there were 29281 (approximate) injuries this week.  As it turns out, there werent.  It just felt that way because Troy Tulowitzki had his ridiculous season come to a screeching halt due to surgery to repair a torn labrum in his hip.  Now, I am no expert, but I feel like that is kind of a big deal, even though the research I have done on the interwebs says that it is a relatively typical procedure that takes anywhere from 2 to 6 weeks to recover and then are pain free in 2 to 6 months.  Damn that medical technology voodoo.  The other big inury news for players already injured was that Carlos Gonzalez also will have season ending surgery, for him on the knee.  Its looking like there will be a lot of disappointed stoners in Colorado who were banking on free tacos through the end of the baseball season.

SP Yu Darvish - BySs - Right Elbow Inflammation

When a stud pitcher gets removed from a game, the last thing in the world anyone wants to here are "<throwing hand> elbow inflammation."  This year especially, it is only a matter of time before the visit to see Dr James Andrews is scheduled and then Shommy Shon followed by much fantasy owner crying.  Luckily, for both Darvish and his owners, it seems like he just twisted or knocked his elbow in a funky way and that there is no structural damage showing up on any of his MRIs.  The Rangers are hopeful that he can make it back when he is scheduled to come off the DL on the 2th.  Kyler should be wary though, the Rangers havent been in the playoff hunt since early June, so they are in no rush to get Darvish back or to pitch him consistently down the stretch or even to have him finish out the season.  Should Darvish feel another tweak, he might not throw another pitch this year.

3b Manny Machado - ZAttack - Sprained ligament in Right Knee

If you were watching the Orioles-Yankees tilt on Monday and saw the Machado injury in real time, you would have been convinced that he not only ruptured his ACL, MCL, PCL, TCL, OCL and LCL (some of those are made up), but also that he had torn his Achilles, severed his hamstring from his femur and contracted small pox.  The rolling around exhibition he put on probably made some professional soccer player blush.  I dont doubt that it hurt a lot, and after last season's freak blowout of his left knee from stepping on first base, I am sure that he was more than a little worried about his season and career prospects.  But the reports out of Baltimore at this point are the O's are hoping Machado will be ready to come off the DL when he is first eligible on the 27th.  With the O's in the driver's seat in the AL East, suddenly up 7.5 games on the Blue Jays with 41 to go, they might not be in a hurry to rush Machado back into the lineup.  The next couple of weeks could see the O's go on a run and pull away, or it could see them drop back to the pack (and Edwin Encarnacion is coming off the DL today and should give the Jays a boost, essentially replacing Josh Thole in the lineup by pushing Adam Lind back to DH and making Dioner Navarro the primary catcher...thats like using a Tesla Roadster to replace a 1977 AMC Gremlin.

AssDLes and other stuff on my mind

Hey look who it is John!

With the commish out of  town today, I get to write the Friday blog post this week. I'll get to the usual ass hDLes in a bit, but first I want to talk about a couple of things. First of all, I know Louie had a post a couple months ago (approximately) that talked about how this fantasy league and this blog have made him enjoy baseball more again. I feel the same way. Up until this year, I would mostly only watch the Brewers games and the Playoffs. Other than that I probably only watched about 5 full games a year. I always judged how good a player from a different team was based on highlights I had saw or what other people had said about him. I've never followed the statistics other than home runs for hitters and win-loss record for pitcher (one of the most flawed stats there is). However, since the start of this season I have found enjoyment in following other teams and their players. I have watched more baseball already this year than I did in the past couple seasons combined. Now some of that would be contributed to my excitement of watching the Brewers being in a pennant race, but I attribute it mostly to the league and this blog. For this league I have learned so many new statistics and ways of measuring how valuable players are, and it has helped me enjoy games when watching them on TV. Now I can actually watch a game between two teams not in the NL Central and know the entire roster, with a fairly good grasp of how good each player is. This is coming from a guy who not that long ago had to ask how on-base percentage, slugging percentage, and WHIP were calculated, as well as many other things I didn't understand (thanks Zach and Louie). This blog has also kept me interested in not only the stats, but the league itself. When the league was set up as a weekly league I thought it was a great idea to keep everyone interested throughout the season, but I don't think it would be nearly as successful as it is without this blog. Two thumbs up to the commish for taking the idea of my awful homework assignment and coming up with this great idea. I'm always excited to come to the blog every night and read what has been posted, whether it be recapping the games from the previous week or when Louie gets all sentimental about things. I enjoy it all the same. I always loved to play baseball but now with this league and this blog I finally love watching it and following the players as well.

The other thing I want to talk about quick before the asshDLes portion of this post is my playoff predictions. I know I waited a little long for this since there is only about 50 days left in the season but hell I'm going to do it anyways.

American League

WOW! Just WOW!

1 . Oakland Athletics (West): this one is fairly easy, with the all around talent on this team including the moves made at the deadline I believe the A's finish with the best record in the AL and all of baseball for that matter
2. Baltimore Orioles (East): lead by superstar Adam Jones I think they run away with the division
3. Detroit Tigers (Central): though the Royals are not far behind the Tigers I think the acquisition of David Price gives them the extra advantage of winning the division, not to mention they have possibly the best hitter in baseball on there team
4. Los Angeles Angels (Wild Card 1): its really a shame that the Angels are in the same division as the A's, If they were in any other division they would win it but instead they finish second and get the 1st wild card
5. Kansas City Royals (Wild Card 2): the Royals schedule is simply easier than the Yankees and the Mariners going forward, not to mention all the young talent on this team that is finally panning out the way people thought it would

AL Champion: Oakland Athletics
The fact that this team is possibly the most complete team in baseball is my reasoning for picking them to win the AL pennant. They have one of the best hitting teams in the league (although it has dropped a bit with losing Yo Anus!) and they can throw out the best rotation in the AL come playoff time with Samardzija, Lester, Gray, and Kazmir.


National League

I had to put him in here somewhere

1. Los Angeles Dodgers (West): this team is the only argument for best all around team with the A's, they have a star filled lineup with a strong rotation
2. Washington Nationals (East): I believe the Nats are in the process of running away with this division, if Bryce Harper can get it going they will be a scary team come playoff time
3. St. Louis Cardinals (Central): the NL Central race will come right down to the end but I believe the Cards will prevail, it's going to be a crazy last two months with 4 teams still fighting for the NL Central Crown
4. San Francisco Giants (Wild Card 1): With an easier schedule where they face the Padres and D-Bags for exactly half (13 of 26) of their final month of the season the Giants will win the 1st wild card, this could be scary for every one else cause the Giants won the world series in 2010 and 2012 and therefore they could continue the trend this year
5.Milwaukee Brewers (Wild Card 2): I've been saying it since February "The Brewers will get the 2nd wild card spot", most people thought I was nuts or just being a homer for my favorite team but the fact is the Brewers have a powerful lineup and have gotten good pitching from both starters and the bullpen (something that never seemed to happen last year)

NL Champion: Washington Nationals

This will be the scene when they beat the Dodgers

It would be easy to say the Dodgers win the NL because they have the best record, but for whatever reason I don't see that happening. I think the Nats, lead by great pitching performances from Strasburg, Gonzalez, and Fister will find a way to win the series over the Dodgers. To me the Dodgers seem like a team that could lose game one of a series in the playoffs and completely implode. I think the Nationals are the team that causes it.

World Series Champion: Oakland Athelitcs
Finally!! The A's win a world series in the Billy Beane era after years of hard work and being flat out smarter than every other GM. As I stated before the A's rotation will be too strong for the Nats to try and score against. I think this could be an amazing pitchers duel throughout the entire series but I give the edge to the A's 4 games to 2.

Now finally on to the asshDLes. First off, he may not be knew to the list but it wast recently discovered that Matt Cain will be out the rest of the year. His season ends with a 2-7 record with and ERA of 4.18, Yikes! not exactly the kind of stats Zach hoped for when he payed $25 for him in the draft.

1B Paul Goldschmidt- MBHB- Broken hand
This has been talked about a number of times not only in this blog but on any sports channel when they talk about baseball. I'll keep it short and sweet. Goldschmidt breaks hand, Louie gets pissed, Louie trades for Rizzo, Louie is happy again. The injury hurts Louie's team a lot, but with the trade it wont be nearly as bad as it first seemed.

Swing and a lazy fly ball to center...

1B/ OF Allen Craig -MTMTAS - left foot injury
In most cases I would say this isn't really a big deal because Craig has been very suckish this year. Unfortunetly for T (who has lost the right to the last 4 letters in his name because he has lost to me all 3 times this season) Craig is the only first baseman on his roster. He could move Brian McCann there but he doesn't have a back-up catcher either so that would do him no good. I expect that in next Tuesday's pick-ups we see T pick up a 1B to fill in this spot if he can't fill it via trade.

Week 16 ass hDLes

There were a injuries to 4 players in our starting lineups this week, each with its own degree of impact upon that player's team.  Wait...what's that?!?  Nooo...gaaaaawd nooo...thats The Goulet's Music!!!!

IT'S A SURPRISE GOULET!!  I went back through the archives and found that we havent had a power rankings since June 12th...and really, we shouldnt go more than 4 or 5 weeks without one.  I played around with a logo for it since...really something as spectacular as The Goulet should have its own logo.  Let me know what you think in the comments section...ideas for improvement are always welcome.  If you think it sucks, you can tell me that, but dont hold it against me if I tell you that you suck.

Same format as with the previous 2 Goulets, though with measureably less Jedd Jerko, fewer senile billionaire rants, and 38% more mustache.  On with the GOULET!

#855489966 - Bob (.1 pts; LR - NR) - Bob officially becomes the lowest entity ever ranked in the Goulet.  This is not because he is a dick (even though he is), as I have come to accept that Bob is just going to always do those little things that dicks do, like bid $1 more for a player than you do or pick up a player that you dropped because he was hitting under .100, put him in the lineup and then see him put up a 300/400/500 slash line for 5 straight weeks.  No, this is because Bob refuses to fill out those damn 7 questions that I have now sent him twice and that he assures me are "almost done."  I call shenanigans! Its one thing to beat my team on the completely imaginary field, Bob, but when you start messing with my emotions, you're going to get not-so-publically called out on a blog that approximately 8 people read.  TAKE THAT BOB...WHO"S THE DICK NOW?????

#133 Huckleberries (49 pts; LR - #153) - The Huckleberries continue to confound me.  Kevin's squad as actually overtaken Dusty's team in the batting avg category and is now leading the league in BA and is still second in OBP and SLG.  In fact, the Val Kilmers are an astounding 14-1 in the batting average category this season, the best record of any of the teams in any one category (this is my favorite learned stat from this week).  The problem is that all of these hits are still not translating to RBI and that all of the baserunners are still not translating to runs scored, at least on the season long totals.  The team has crawled out of the basement in both R and RBI (to 9th in each) but I think that the deficit that Jerad:The Galleria of Holes in the Lineup (I GOT ONE MORE!!!) left in the counting stats has been tough for Kevin to overcome when looking at the stats holistically.  The hitting is heading in the right direction.  The pitching though, does not appear to be.  The team is last in W, ERA and WHIP and second to last in K and QS.  Kevin has done a great job getting this team back into contention for a playoff spot, but I would be surprised if he makes the postseason without addressing the starting pitching.

#105 MTMTAS (52 pts; LR - #11) - Oh Tyler.  Remember back when your team whooped my teams collective butts and I had to eat a whole shit ton of humble pie for making fun of your team?  Seems like a long time ago, eh?  I seem to have an affect on teams that, when I make fun of them, they start playing well.  I am pretty sure it is because my insults cut straight to the core of the players very beings.  So...I promise, I am just trying to help you out here...because your hitters could definitely use the help.  Currently, Tyler's team is hitting 256/325/391, which is roughly the exact batting line being put up by the Cleveland Indians this season and only slightly off the league average line of 252/316/390.  In fantasy, we generally are well above the average because we are supposed to be using the best players in the league, not the Yangervis Solartes of the world (sorry Jimmy).  I am guessing that Tyler is only paying passing attention to his team.  How else would you explain the decision to continue playing Allen Craig at 1b (other than that Kyler has all the 1b and Tyler doesnt want to trade with him), Andrelton Simmons over Starlin Castro at SS, or a bunch of mediocre guys over Mat Latos?  In fact, I am just going to move on.

#92 Injuries (53.29 pts; LR - NR) - The NR is only slightly accurate, as the Platonic UCL made the previous Goulet installment.  This time, I am talking about 2 types on injuries, both suffered by ass hDLes this week.  1) The Sunday injury which isnt disclosed until Monday, just before the games start.  Is there anything more maddening than checking the games on Monday only to find out a guy who you just decided to start is going to miss the entire week and not accumulate any points?  Hey Justin Morneau, didnt see you standing there.  I should have because you arent playing at all this week and if Kyler loses R or RBI by less than 5 (he will probably win them anyways, rendering this moot), then hes gonna be coming for you like a wildebeast.  2) The injury to the superduper star who has been destroying the league and caused a certain commish to spend at least 1 hour on the interwebs looking to see if he could find a place to buy a TuloGit2Quit tshirt. This is just depressing to all involved.  Tulo is still having a special year, but he likely wont be back when eligible to come off the DL and who knows how he will play when he does, and if the injury lingers, a shutdown could be on the horizon.  Good thing Dusty doesnt really pay attention (its not a good thing) because I definitely offered him Reyes, Verlander and Cole Hamels for Tulo and he never bothered to reply.  If he took that, my season would be pretty much in the shitter.

#15 Zattack (55 pts; LR - #15) - The previous two teams are both at the bottom of their respective divisions, showing that their record has been pretty consistent with their performance...but Zach has the Attack in first place in Harmony.  Much of the discrepency has to do with the performance in Wins and ERA, where the team is in the bottom 3 yet has posted above .500 records.  The team is legitimately great with SLG% (3rd in the league, 11-4 so far this year), thanks in large part to Nelson Cruz and the surging Ryan Braun.  The continued success of this team is going to be one of the interesting plot lines to follow during the last 7 weeks of the regular season.

#14 The artists formerly known as MWP Masters (61.5 pts; LR- #7) - The injury free fall continued this week with starting OF Ryan Zimmerman hitting the DL after Tuesday's game.  The injury to Zimmerman will press Pedro Alvarez back into the lineup and leaves John with Zimmerman, Yadier Molina, Kamakaze Tanaka and Jose Fernandez on the DL and leaves only 1 bench spot available for a person that is currently available to play on a MLB team.  KIODL is currently last in the league in runs scored, 3rd to last in RBI and second to last in slugging (second worst hitting team overall).  With all the injuries and the waiver wire pretty barren, a series of trades might be the only way that John is able to ensure that he wins this battle in the never ending war with Tom.

#10 11 Dust Bunnies (64 pts; LR - #10) - It may look like the Dust Bunnies havent fallen in the rankings, but they have.  In fact...I am going to go back and change it from 10 to 11 and here is why.  Dusty currently is starting AJ Pierzynski at catcher (he was DFA'ed like 5 or 6 weeks ago), no one in his 3rd OF spot, Luis Avilan (sent to minors) and, now, an injured Tulo.  Apparently my wife texted her sister and told her that if Dusty doesnt get his shit together that I am going to kick him out of the league.  Her response was that "Dusty doesnt want to mess his team up by changing anything."  WTF on so many levels.  How does one mess up his team by doing things like fielding an entire starting lineup of actual major league baseball players.  Right now, if we could some how figure out a way to start Willie Mays Hayes or Jake Taylor or even Clu Haywood, they would have as much impact on the matchup as the guys he is currently starting...and they are ficticious.  Fuck man, this pisses me off so much...Dusty is officially on the clock, I dont even care how pissed off my sister in law is going to be.

#10 The little video highlights thing they just added to the my team page in Yahoo! (64.22 pts; LR - #NR) - Uncle Jimmy pointed this out to me earlier today...and really, its a pretty cool little addition.  It looks as though it provides some kind of video highlight for each and every player.  I watched a couple of them and its pretty cool.  I mean, I am not going to watch them regularly at all, but if I want to check out a couple of highlights from games and players I dont get to see much (now that my Direct TV free trial is over :( ), its nice to have.  It does make me wonder about some players though.  It is easy to have highlights for players like George Springer or Giancarlo Stanton because they do impressive things multiple times a week..but what does Yanger's highlight video look like?  Does it show a never ending loop of strikeouts and weak groundballs to the SS?  I am not going to look because I dont want to ruin the image in my head.  If someone does check, please just lie to me and tell me that its Ks and groundout.

#9 UCCMA - (64.5 pts; LR - #8) - This continues to be one of the most balanced teams in the league (I believe the term I used last time was "almost perfectly mediocre") as Uncle Jimmy's team is no higher than 3rd best in any category and no worse than 3rd worst in any category.  The balance has helped him stay pretty even over the course of the season and gives him a chance to win each category in every week.  If he makes the playoffs , it will be interesting to see how he matches up against a team that is more specialized for certain categories.

#8- Backyard SuperStars (73.5 pts; LR - #6) - Kyler's team currently sits in 4th place in the league rankings (and there are 3 teams ahead of them here) and are solidly in the playoffs if they manage to not screw up any one week completely.  They have managed to get to this point mainly on the strength of their pitching, particularly SV+H, where they are leading the league and have gone 11-2-2 so far this season.  Kimbrell, Uehara, Soriano and Rodney all score highly enough that Kyler has been able to use a swingman who shant be named as a SP in RP clothing to help out in wins, strikeouts and quality starts, where he is below average in each.  Hitting-wise, Kyler has maintained a solid group of slash stats, but has yet to see the a bump in the counting stats and is only 2 games above .500 in the hitting categories as a whole.

#6 - MLB Trade Deadline (74 pts; LR- #NR) - The MLB trade deadline is my favorite of the major American sports trade deadlines because there is so little movement in football, the hockey players traded are rarely big names and basketball sucks.  The MLB trade deadline produces some of the most fun headlines and storylines to follow along with.  MLB Trade Rumors (which is awesome by the way) currently has posts about the Mets trading Fatolo Colon and eating some of his contract (which is funny because its about a guy named Fatolo and eating), the Mets being interested in trading for Troy Tulowitzki (because I am sure there is some team in MLB who wouldnt be at least interested should the Rockies decide to trade the best SS in the league), and about Ruben Amaro refruting an earlier report that the Phillies had talked about DFA'ing Ryan Howard.  There are a bunch of things about actual trades that might happen (Jake Peavy to STL for a couple minor leaguers, for instance) and the stuff usually hits MLBTR before it hits a big media outlet like ESPN.  Jimmy, dont ask, I dont know if things get on Twatter before MLBTR.  Anyways...the deadline is next Thursday and in the coming days teams will be deciding if they are trying to be buyers or sellers.  The Cubs will be trying to sell, though I am not sure they have much left that people actually want.

#5 - MBHB (75 pts; LR- #5) - The Bastards are yet another strange case.  Despite being in the bottom 2 in average and in the lower half of the standings in OBP and SLG, Mark Baker's Bunch is second in the league in runs scored, 3rd in RBIs and 4th in stolen bases and is 12 games over .500 on the hitting side.  On the pitching side, SV+H continues to be a sore point but MBHB is in the top 2 in Wins, Ks and QS and is close enough to the middle in ERA and WHIP that they are 8 games over .500 in the pitching categories thanks in large part to the unexpected success of Garrett Richards and his 11 wins, 139 Ks in 137 innings and 16 quality starts...and his RP/SP designation that allows him to be a 6th starting pitcher.

#3 - Les Moles (76.5 pts; LR - #3) - Your eyes are not deceiving you.  Les Moles, with the 8th best record (78-96-6, .450 winning %) is the second best team if you look at the stats in isolation.  Sorry Tom...we obviously dont play in isolation.  Strange things keep happening during matchups involving this team.  Les Moles currently are tied for the second most SBs on the season, yet are 7-8-0 in taht category on the year.  They have the most wins total, but are 6-6-3 there.  They have the 3rd best ERA but are an astonishingly terrible 6-9-0 on the season.  The only way I can explain it is that, when they are good, they are really good and are winning by a bunch while when they are losing categories, they are narrowly losing.  This is the team that no one should want in the playoffs because once they start, anything can happen and the stats say that this team is massively underperforming.

#2 - Alienating not only your fanbase but an entire race of people (80 pts; LR- #NR) - This one is a couple of weeks old, but I cant pass up the opportunity to write way too many words about it.  So...once upon a time at the beginning of a magical month called "July", it was raining during a White Sox-Angels game on the South Side of Chicago.  The White Sox pulled an actually classy move (for the first time since 1984 approximately) and gave out ponchos to every fan who wanted one to keep the rain off.  The good news was that they were like giant baggies and they did a great job of keeping people from getting soaked in the stands.  The bad news was that the ponchos were white...and had pointy hoods...and when you looked at them from afar, they did a really good job approximating a robe that would be worn by the Ku Klux Klan.  Did I mention that this was on the SOUTH SIDE OF CHICAGO?  For those of you unfamiliar with the general geography and population distribution of the city of Chicago and/or the location of US Cellular Field, here's a brief run down.  The South Side is primarily populated with minorities, many of those minorities are African American, and many of those minorities are extremely loyal White Sox fans. 

The Cell, is in a lower income neighborhood that is not far away from some federal housing projects (The Projects, for those of you who have seen bad gang movies).  So not only would handing out ponchos that made ithe game look like a pretty major Klan Rally piss off the majority of your fan base, but, if it didnt stop raining and people didnt notice what they were wearing resembled the uniform of the most biggoted organization since the Nazis, there would be a large number of people walking through a primarily minority populated area wearing what looks like the epitome of hatemongering. 

In this case, there would have been no safety in numbers.  Seriously, if you took the Sox logos off of those things, what do you see?  Check out the guy at the bottom of this picture to the right where the logos are blocked out by the dugout he is sitting behind.  Leave it to the White Sox to inadvertantly escalate the organization from one that has fans who jump on the field and beat up other teams coaches to one that accidently promotes racism and may or may not be trying to maim its own fans.

#1 - Bob's ATers (89 pts; LR - #2) - We open with Bob and we close with Bob.  Bob's team is the juggernaut in the room.  On offense, he is 4th or better in every category except OBP and his pitching is dominating ERA (his team ERA is 2.89, the next closest is 3.24) and WHIP (his 1.08, next 1.16), is second in SV/H (5 behind Kyler, 8 ahead of Kevin) and 3rd in Ks (75 behind 1st place MBHB, 56 ahead of 4th place John).  It is a bit crazy, but 2nd in the Goulet, Tom is closer to 6th place Dusty than he his to Bob...that is how dominant Bob's collection of players has been.  Hell...Casey McGehee has even proven to be semi useful.  Once Edwin Encarnacion comes off the DL, this team is not going to have any holes.  Toters, we are still chasing Bob...we cant let him win...we cant let him taint the Holy Crispy Crowns with his dickishness.